Good job! I have highlighted some areas that could be improved.. Good luck
Quote:
Originally Posted by dogood
My RESPONSE: In the argument above the author has made an interesting point about the effectiveness of alternative healing methods such as music and art as compared to drug treatment. However, the argument is based on many (you need to insert a modifier here, like many weak assumptions) assumtions and lacks sufficient evidence to appeal the reader.
When the author states, "Art and music have long been understood to have therapeutic effects for individuals who suffer from either physical or mental illnesses", he assumes that these two forms of healing methods apply effectively to all the (you can eliminate the) illness that human beings suffer from. It has been known that art and music have healing effects on humans maybe because of psychological reasons (revise the structure of this sentence). But humans are faced with illnesses which are genetic and (WHO FACE GENERIC ILLNESSES) can only be treated by drugs. Can Music therapy or Art therapy always work? Based on what has been stated we can't agree.
Also, the author states that drug treatments are more expensive than treatments of using art and music (DRUG TREATMENTS ARE MORE EXPENSIVE THAN ART AND MUSIC TREATMENTS -PARALLELISM-). First of all the art and music based treatments are not that common in the society nor are there standardized practices for them. A patient can actually end up spending more on an illness which (THAT) could have been (BE) cured by a (ELIMINATE "A") simple medicine (MEDICATION) and for which he went for a music therapy which took 5 sessions (INSTEAD OF CHOOSING 5 SESSIONS OF MUSIC THERAPY). So the statement that doctors always recommend expensive procedures and raise the cost of health care does not have sufficient supporting evidence.
I believe if the author provides more statistics (STATISTICAL SUPPORTED STUDIES) about (REGARDING) the effectiveness and cost of the alternative means of treatment mentioned above, the argument will be more convincing and less controversial. There are better alternatives than drug treatment, but these alternatives need to be evaluated carefully and their effectiveness has to be understood in order for them to be effective.
As discussed above, the argument is based on few assumptions and does not provide the reader with sufficient evidence about the effectiveness of arwork and music as a healing method (technique). All these reasons make the argument less convincing and more contoriversial (repeated sentence).
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