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Hey... overall good essay...
here are some points...
1) add some more points.. it is a short essay
2) you define success as wealth and fame... what about success for a student, scientist?
3) in your fourth para - you define 'best use of success' as helping poor children.. is this the only possible use of success.. for some success can be used to attain more success..
I hope you take my comments positively..
keep writing..
Ruchi
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