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procrastinator1357 · 07-21-2008, 06:59 PM

Hi Rajas,

The word count of this issue is 368. May I suggest you to expand to around 500? I hear that issues should have 400-800 words. I usually aim at the average of 500.

The education of our children is a sustainable, co-operative teamwork.Though important facets being teacher and the school administrator,there are so many other people involved in it.

I like your introduction. It is concise and to the point.

The first school of the (the-->a, since you are not talking about a specific child, but children in general) child is home. His/her (I would suggest you to use gender neutral expressions. If you find it awkward, try using plural forms, i.e. "The first schools of children are..." and "Their first teachers are....") first teachers are his/her parents who teach him/her all the basic things.Their love and affection gives (give) him/her the required security and peace of mind with which he/she can enjoy the process of learning.They make sure that the child is doing homework in time or not (delete "or not"). Many a times,they solve his difficulties during his study (Does solve match with difficulty? If not, change difficulties to problems).They try to instill right virtues in him which is the foundation stone for future.

The elderly people in the society tell stories with morals to the children which are creating a long lasting impact on them.They make children aware abt the glorious past history of the society. Some times,parents being at work,the elderly people look after the children.

I completely agree with Samarfadl's comments on this paragraph.

At times, there are daycare centers who (who-->that) are looking after kids if parents (are) at work.These are the supporting systems of the society which are also making contribution though with a price.There are many adults and some centers to whom teenagers can turn to for educational guidance like what courses he or she may take. I think I understand what your last sentence means. Maybe you can give an example to make it clearer.

The homeless kids being (being-->are) taken care of by the society.There are non governmental organisations(NGO's) who (who-->that) are taking the role of parents and educators for these kids.These NGO's are getting help in the form of donations from generous people of the society and grants from the the government for this noble cause.

Last but not the least (last but not least...I would respect the convention by keeping the phrase the way it is, though people will understand "last but not the least"),the government is making policies which gives (give) foremost attention in terms of resources allocation for children's education.This can be in the form of starting new schools at places with lessnumber of (less number of-->fewer) schools or making yearly monetary contribution to the existing ones.The government allocates fund for the poor but scholarly kids in the form of scholarships. Education for children is the fundamental duty of all the nations.

So,the children's education is a chain like process where every above mentioned element makes its own unique contribution.It is in the form of enrichment and value addition by the village and the community as a whole rather merely being the province of the teacher and the school administrators.

Well done! How long did it take you to write the whole thing? I think you have a lot of good examples. They would serve you even better if you work on the structure of the essay a little bit more. I find that a few of your sentences do not sound natural to my inner ears. Maybe it is just because I am not a native speaker. I hope you wouldn't mind my comments.

07-21-2008, 06:59 PM	#7 (permalink)
procrastinator1357 Trying to make mom and pop proud Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 9	Hi Rajas, The word count of this issue is 368. May I suggest you to expand to around 500? I hear that issues should have 400-800 words. I usually aim at the average of 500. The education of our children is a sustainable, co-operative teamwork.Though important facets being teacher and the school administrator,there are so many other people involved in it. I like your introduction. It is concise and to the point. The first school of the (the-->a, since you are not talking about a specific child, but children in general) child is home. His/her (I would suggest you to use gender neutral expressions. If you find it awkward, try using plural forms, i.e. "The first schools of children are..." and "Their first teachers are....") first teachers are his/her parents who teach him/her all the basic things.Their love and affection gives (give) him/her the required security and peace of mind with which he/she can enjoy the process of learning.They make sure that the child is doing homework in time or not (delete "or not"). Many a times,they solve his difficulties during his study (Does solve match with difficulty? If not, change difficulties to problems).They try to instill right virtues in him which is the foundation stone for future. The elderly people in the society tell stories with morals to the children which are creating a long lasting impact on them.They make children aware abt the glorious past history of the society. Some times,parents being at work,the elderly people look after the children. I completely agree with Samarfadl's comments on this paragraph. At times, there are daycare centers who (who-->that) are looking after kids if parents (are) at work.These are the supporting systems of the society which are also making contribution though with a price.There are many adults and some centers to whom teenagers can turn to for educational guidance like what courses he or she may take. I think I understand what your last sentence means. Maybe you can give an example to make it clearer. The homeless kids being (being-->are) taken care of by the society.There are non governmental organisations(NGO's) who (who-->that) are taking the role of parents and educators for these kids.These NGO's are getting help in the form of donations from generous people of the society and grants from the the government for this noble cause. Last but not the least (last but not least...I would respect the convention by keeping the phrase the way it is, though people will understand "last but not the least"),the government is making policies which gives (give) foremost attention in terms of resources allocation for children's education.This can be in the form of starting new schools at places with lessnumber of (less number of-->fewer) schools or making yearly monetary contribution to the existing ones.The government allocates fund for the poor but scholarly kids in the form of scholarships. Education for children is the fundamental duty of all the nations. So,the children's education is a chain like process where every above mentioned element makes its own unique contribution.It is in the form of enrichment and value addition by the village and the community as a whole rather merely being the province of the teacher and the school administrators. Well done! How long did it take you to write the whole thing? I think you have a lot of good examples. They would serve you even better if you work on the structure of the essay a little bit more. I find that a few of your sentences do not sound natural to my inner ears. Maybe it is just because I am not a native speaker. I hope you wouldn't mind my comments.