proposal essay - please read through and help me!

[Insa]

Hey guys!
I'm from Germany and got to write a proposal essay for university admission (study abroad semester). If anyone of you have the time (and fun) to read through my first version it would be sooo great. I really have problems with formulations.. and think it's not that good. Maybe you could give me some usfull tipps?

Lots of love, Insa


Why I wish to study at the University of Melbourne?


Through my exchange year in France during my school time (Château-Thierry 2000) and my intensive language course in Australia (Sydney 2003) I have learned how valuable and important it is to live in a foreign country and culture for a period of time. Not only did I enlarge my horizon by getting to know other point of views while having contact with different people from all over the world. I also learned a lot about myself and got independant and more self-confident, because I could get along with a new environment. Now as a university student I wish to use the manifold experiences through a study abroad semestre in Australia to achieve qualifications that will open doors in my career that I couldn’t otherwise. Nevertheless, I’m convinced that a semester abroad is a unique opportunity for young people to improve language skills but at the same time getting interessting stimulations towards your studies. That’s the reason why I’m actively enganged in the area of culture exchange and I’m aware of this responsibility.



Although, going to Australia as an Art History student isn’t seen as the traditional way in Europe, I decided to spend my study abroad semester in this country for many reasons. First of all, since my first travel to this faboulous destination in 2003, I’m interessted in the cultural variety of it’s young history. I got in touch with the art works of the Aborigines and wanted to know more about it. Their art tradition is one of the oldest and most important of humanity but it’s history isn’t taught at faculties in Europe. Especially today, it’s meaningful to look over the borders for reaching specialized qualifications and knowledge. I decided to study abroad because the Australian universities are some of the best in the world and offer internationally recognized degrees in so many different disciplines, especially those about the cultural achivements of their own country.

[applicant4ece]

could u explain to us first for what purpose u r going to australia? and what trade are u in, going for which one??

[Insa]

I wanna spend one semester at the University of Melbourne next year and for my application I need this essay of "motivation"