Review pls

[ameyp12]

Analysis of Argument
Chemists have determined that spring water from Augusta, Maine contains minerals necessary for a healthy body. Residents of Augusta, Maine, have a longer life span than the average U.S. citizen. Even though spring water from Augusta, Maine may be expensive, it is a superior choice over drinking general tap water.

Describe how well reasoned you find this argument. In the discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the argument's conclusion. You may also address possible changes in the argument that would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

The author here argues that spring water from Augusta is superior than general tap water even though the spring water is expensive. To support this argument author mentions the fact that residents of Augusta have a longer life span than the average U.S. citizen. This argument is not convincing because of following reasons.

First of all author fails to explain causal relation between spring water available in Augusta, Main and the longer life span of the residents there. There could be other reasons behind longer life span of people staying in Augusta. Drinking water is not the only factor that affects the average life span of residents. There are many other factors such as eating habits of people, general awareness about hygiene as well as role of the government to improve public health.

Moreover author fails to provide reason to prove that drinking tap water is less useful or harmful for human body. The author's approach seems to be biased in favor of the spring water found in Augusta. It is possible that along with the essential minerals present in the spring water the spring water from Augusta is contaminated with some other harmful and hazardous chemicals. In that case drinking spring water may prove dangerous to human health.

Thus author fails to provide enough evidence that drinking spring water from Augusta is more beneficial that drinking normal tap water. To strengthen this argument author must prove causal relationship between the spring water and the longer life span of the residents in Augusta, Main. Also author must be prove the advantages of drinking spring water to support the argument that the spring water is expensive yet the best option of drinking water.

[abhishek_mumbai]

good structure..
good reasoning although few more reasons can be included.

You probably would get 4.5-5 for this essay..

[shyaml]

Overall your analysis is good. Here are some of my observations:

1. You have written Maine as Main at all places which could have been avoided.
2. The author has not clearly identified the relationship between longer life of Augusta residents to the minerals in the spring water. This is a very good point.
3. Another point that the author missed out is the fact that the general tap water itself could be better than the spring water. The author does not talk about this at all. This would have strengthened the argument.

[ameyp12]

Thanks guys !

[gotit]

This is a well-written essay. The structure is clear and clean. The language is grammatical. However I think you would probably receive a 4.5 because the length is not enough.

There are 282 words in your essay. I have heard that you need 400 words to get a 6. I counted the sample ones that got the highest scores; they all have more than 500 words.

- You can probably add more sentences in your intro to attack the argument, and mentioned what you're going to say in your following paragraphs, instead of "because of the following reasons".

- Is the mineral level in the spring water too much, too little, or just enough? You have raised the question of whether it is contaminated. That's a really good point. You should have attacked more...imagine how much you hate the author that you want him dead! hehe

- Also in your "First of all" paragraph, you can raise the questions, such as whether people moved to Augusta when they retired (so the residents seem to have a longer life), whether they actually drink the spring water or just tap water.

- In your "moreover" paragraph, besides asking for reasons to prove tap water is less useful, also raise a fact that tap water quality varies from city to city; therefore, the author cannot generalize the conclusion that "it is a superior choice over drinking general tap water"....tap water in which city??

I think with all the points mentioned above, it should get your essay up to more 400 words