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abhishek_mumbai · 2009 July 20th, 08:28 AM

The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine on lifestyles.

"Two years ago, City L was listed 14th in an annual survey that ranks cities according to the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. This information will enable people who are moving to the state in which City L is located to confidently identify one place, at least, where schools are good, housing is affordable, people are friendly, the environment is safe, and the arts flourish."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

The aforementioned argument, in asserting that survey results will help people indentifying the city confidentally, appears legitimate and fairly convincing at the first glance. However, upon further examinations and analysis of argument strucuture, a number of flaws become evident to such an extent that one can take neither the argument nor its conclusion seriously. Among the most pivotal shortcomings of the argument is its inability to address the validity of survey and assumtion that survey results really ensure affordable houses, friendly people, safe environment and arts.

The author fails to describe about validity of the survey. Was it taken by residents of all cities or City L residents? The survery could be biased if a large proportion comprise City L residents. The argument doesn't even mention the number of cities participated in the sruvey? If there were only 14 cities participated in the survery and City L stands 14, then survey results wouldn't help. Even if, number of participants are more than 14, 14th position may not be good and may not ensure good school or affordable houses. Had the author provided more evidences to support the validity of survey, the argument would have been more promising.

Furthermore, the argument states that survey was taken two years ago and assumes that city has been upto same standards since the survey was done. The argument states that this is an annual survey but doesn't mention the results of last year survey. If the author had presented the survey results of last year or results of recent audits or investigations, it would have estabilished the confidence in survey results and proved that the conditions are at least same as, if not better than, what they were two years ago.

Moreover, the author fails to estabilish any conditional link between survey results and actual availibility of good schools, affordable houses, friendly people and safe environment. What if survey was based on entirely difference parameters such as economicy strength, highways etc and paramters for schools, houses and people were not included at all. Had the author provided the parameters that were used in the survey, it would have estabilished the link between survey results and facilities offered.

In sum, the argument in the current state, contains considerable number of defects, the most blatant has been discussed above. Had the argument managed to address aforementioned concerns, both of its persuasive ability and apparamt legitimacy would have been greatly reinforced, perhaps to such an extent that it couldn't be refuted.

abhishek_mumbai · 2009 July 20th, 08:29 AM

please rate and evaluate..

neoreaves · 2009 July 20th, 05:02 PM

I think the arguments presented are strong. However, I feel the structure of the essay lacks a few things

1- sentences are long: This will keep the readers interest in your essay and will help you avoid grammatical mistakes commonly associated with run-on sentences and modifier errors.

2-grammar: there are a few spelling errors. It is very important to give yourself atleast 5 minutes to re-check the essay. You can lose unnecessary points on this. "In sum" is not correct.

3-There are some heavy words used which might not be required. Keeping things simple and keeping sentences simple and short without using high vocabulary words can still help you get a score of 6

abhishek_mumbai · 2009 July 21st, 10:07 AM

thanks for the feedback. I got most of the long scentences and heavy words from the template I have been using... I guess i need to simplify the template for my need.. I agree with you on spelling mistakes - these are actually typing mistakes. I notoced them too. I am trying to save extra time for proof read but hasn't been successful yet - hopefully, it will be fixed in next 2-3 essays.
thanks once again for feedback. I appreciate it.

BTW.. How much would you rate it? I need to know to klnow the level and prioritize per my target level.. My target level is anywhere between 5 and 5.5..

neoreaves · 2009 July 22nd, 08:21 AM

I am no expert in anyway ....so I didnt feel comfortable rating thy essay ...but if you insist i will say 4.5- 5.0 being very conservative ....but i think the points made were pretty strong and show that you understood the issue at hand ....i do think there might be some structural issues with transitions using connecting words will help e.g In fact, Thus, Therefore, As mentioned before ...these are small things but i think they give you good flow in your essay so you can control a readers attention and make your essay more interesting....so i think if you keep things simple you can get to 5.5 or even 6.0 !!

gotit · 2009 July 22nd, 08:38 PM

I would rate it 5.5. I think the structure of the essay is clear and logical. Minor typing mistakes wouldn't affect too much. The length is enough too. Strong words actually sound good to me in your essay, probably because you have refuted the argument well enough so the words sound convincing. Your sentences are long but it was a pleasant read, and they add to the length of your essay

A couple of run-ons though. For example,

- In sum, the argument in the current state, contains considerable number of defects, the most blatant has been discussed above.

But overall, it was well written. I think you're ready for the exam!

abhishek_mumbai · 2009 July 23rd, 06:29 AM

thanks gotit... Your post did boost my confidence and you don't know how much I need it when I am just 10 days away from your test...
I am planning to read 20-30 sample essays so i can teach my mind to know what is correct and what is wrong.. Then, i will start writing again. I am planning to write at least 7 argument essays and 7 issues essays before my exams.. hopefully, that would fix the problem..
I posted 3 more essays few days ago.. can you please have a quick look at them too.
thanks once again..

gotit · 2009 July 23rd, 03:25 PM

No problem abhishek. Reading your essays helps me too. You don't need to worry about the exam. From all your posts on this forum, I think you're ready and you will score very well.

By the way, is that you on the picture? You look like a movie star! haha

abhishek_mumbai · 2009 July 24th, 07:22 AM

ha ha.. Yes.. that is my picture.. I was in florida then and I was a very pleasant morning on white sand beach..
and I am no movie star.. just a plain and simple guy!!!..
thanks for your kind words about me being ready for exams.. It makes a lot of difference esp when you are just few days away..

gotit · 2009 July 24th, 04:04 PM

I wasn't being kind, just honest. I encountered many of your posts across the board and honestly think that you're ready. You have the correct frame of mind, strong analystical thinking, and solid knowledge. You are ready!

2009 July 20th, 08:28 AM	#1 (permalink)
abhishek_mumbai Done with GMAT - 700 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Pune, India Posts: 1,182	Arg#4 : City L survey: please review The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine on lifestyles. "Two years ago, City L was listed 14th in an annual survey that ranks cities according to the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. This information will enable people who are moving to the state in which City L is located to confidently identify one place, at least, where schools are good, housing is affordable, people are friendly, the environment is safe, and the arts flourish." Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion. The aforementioned argument, in asserting that survey results will help people indentifying the city confidentally, appears legitimate and fairly convincing at the first glance. However, upon further examinations and analysis of argument strucuture, a number of flaws become evident to such an extent that one can take neither the argument nor its conclusion seriously. Among the most pivotal shortcomings of the argument is its inability to address the validity of survey and assumtion that survey results really ensure affordable houses, friendly people, safe environment and arts. The author fails to describe about validity of the survey. Was it taken by residents of all cities or City L residents? The survery could be biased if a large proportion comprise City L residents. The argument doesn't even mention the number of cities participated in the sruvey? If there were only 14 cities participated in the survery and City L stands 14, then survey results wouldn't help. Even if, number of participants are more than 14, 14th position may not be good and may not ensure good school or affordable houses. Had the author provided more evidences to support the validity of survey, the argument would have been more promising. Furthermore, the argument states that survey was taken two years ago and assumes that city has been upto same standards since the survey was done. The argument states that this is an annual survey but doesn't mention the results of last year survey. If the author had presented the survey results of last year or results of recent audits or investigations, it would have estabilished the confidence in survey results and proved that the conditions are at least same as, if not better than, what they were two years ago. Moreover, the author fails to estabilish any conditional link between survey results and actual availibility of good schools, affordable houses, friendly people and safe environment. What if survey was based on entirely difference parameters such as economicy strength, highways etc and paramters for schools, houses and people were not included at all. Had the author provided the parameters that were used in the survey, it would have estabilished the link between survey results and facilities offered. In sum, the argument in the current state, contains considerable number of defects, the most blatant has been discussed above. Had the argument managed to address aforementioned concerns, both of its persuasive ability and apparamt legitimacy would have been greatly reinforced, perhaps to such an extent that it couldn't be refuted.

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2009 July 20th, 08:29 AM	#2 (permalink)
abhishek_mumbai Done with GMAT - 700 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Pune, India Posts: 1,182	please rate and evaluate..

2009 July 20th, 05:02 PM	#3 (permalink)
neoreaves Within my grasp! Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 168	I think the arguments presented are strong. However, I feel the structure of the essay lacks a few things 1- sentences are long: This will keep the readers interest in your essay and will help you avoid grammatical mistakes commonly associated with run-on sentences and modifier errors. 2-grammar: there are a few spelling errors. It is very important to give yourself atleast 5 minutes to re-check the essay. You can lose unnecessary points on this. "In sum" is not correct. 3-There are some heavy words used which might not be required. Keeping things simple and keeping sentences simple and short without using high vocabulary words can still help you get a score of 6

2009 July 21st, 10:07 AM	#4 (permalink)
abhishek_mumbai Done with GMAT - 700 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Pune, India Posts: 1,182	thanks for the feedback. I got most of the long scentences and heavy words from the template I have been using... I guess i need to simplify the template for my need.. I agree with you on spelling mistakes - these are actually typing mistakes. I notoced them too. I am trying to save extra time for proof read but hasn't been successful yet - hopefully, it will be fixed in next 2-3 essays. thanks once again for feedback. I appreciate it. BTW.. How much would you rate it? I need to know to klnow the level and prioritize per my target level.. My target level is anywhere between 5 and 5.5..

2009 July 22nd, 08:21 AM	#5 (permalink)
neoreaves Within my grasp! Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 168	I am no expert in anyway ....so I didnt feel comfortable rating thy essay ...but if you insist i will say 4.5- 5.0 being very conservative ....but i think the points made were pretty strong and show that you understood the issue at hand ....i do think there might be some structural issues with transitions using connecting words will help e.g In fact, Thus, Therefore, As mentioned before ...these are small things but i think they give you good flow in your essay so you can control a readers attention and make your essay more interesting....so i think if you keep things simple you can get to 5.5 or even 6.0 !!

2009 July 22nd, 08:38 PM	#6 (permalink)
gotit Advancing my career Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Calgary, AB, Canada Posts: 135	I would rate it 5.5. I think the structure of the essay is clear and logical. Minor typing mistakes wouldn't affect too much. The length is enough too. Strong words actually sound good to me in your essay, probably because you have refuted the argument well enough so the words sound convincing. Your sentences are long but it was a pleasant read, and they add to the length of your essay A couple of run-ons though. For example, - In sum, the argument in the current state, contains considerable number of defects, the most blatant has been discussed above. But overall, it was well written. I think you're ready for the exam!

2009 July 23rd, 06:29 AM	#7 (permalink)
abhishek_mumbai Done with GMAT - 700 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Pune, India Posts: 1,182	thanks gotit... Your post did boost my confidence and you don't know how much I need it when I am just 10 days away from your test... I am planning to read 20-30 sample essays so i can teach my mind to know what is correct and what is wrong.. Then, i will start writing again. I am planning to write at least 7 argument essays and 7 issues essays before my exams.. hopefully, that would fix the problem.. I posted 3 more essays few days ago.. can you please have a quick look at them too. thanks once again..

2009 July 23rd, 03:25 PM	#8 (permalink)
gotit Advancing my career Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Calgary, AB, Canada Posts: 135	No problem abhishek. Reading your essays helps me too. You don't need to worry about the exam. From all your posts on this forum, I think you're ready and you will score very well. By the way, is that you on the picture? You look like a movie star! haha

2009 July 24th, 07:22 AM	#9 (permalink)
abhishek_mumbai Done with GMAT - 700 Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Pune, India Posts: 1,182	ha ha.. Yes.. that is my picture.. I was in florida then and I was a very pleasant morning on white sand beach.. and I am no movie star.. just a plain and simple guy!!!.. thanks for your kind words about me being ready for exams.. It makes a lot of difference esp when you are just few days away..

2009 July 24th, 04:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
gotit Advancing my career Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Calgary, AB, Canada Posts: 135	I wasn't being kind, just honest. I encountered many of your posts across the board and honestly think that you're ready. You have the correct frame of mind, strong analystical thinking, and solid knowledge. You are ready!

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