Plese rate the Argument - "move the purchasing manager to the sales department"

[Queen09]

The following appeared in a report presented for discussion at a meeting of the directors of a company that manufactures parts for heavy machinery.
“The falling revenues that the company is experiencing coincide with delays in manufacturing. These delays, in turn, are due in large part to poor planning in purchasing metals. Consider further that the manager of the department that handles purchasing of raw materials has an excellent background in general business, psychology, and sociology, but knows little about the properties of metals. The company should, therefore, move the purchasing manager to the sales department and bring in a scientist from the research division to be manager of the purchasing department.”
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.

Response:
I do not subscribe to the conclusion of report that states that a scientist from the research division should be appointed as the manager of raw materials purchasing department. Apparently, the argument suffers with several shortcomings; the striking shortcoming is its inability to acknowledge its assumptions and lack of information to substantiate its claims. I feel that the report presented manipulates the facts and betrays a distorted view of the situation; it fails to mention several key factors on basis of which the argument could be evaluated. Let’s discuss some of the flaws in the argument.
Firstly, the argument gains its strength from the imperative presupposition that failing revenue was the result of delays in manufacturing. As per the author the correlation of two events is tacit, but this is a very palpable gap. The mere coincidence of the two events does not entail a cause-effect relationship; the cause-effect relationship needs to be established with facts and data with make the argument stronger.
Secondly, the report is appraising the current manager on a very narrow view-his knowledge on properties on metals. Admittedly, it is one of major factors to successfully manage the purchasing of raw material of a company dealing with heavy machinery, but there is no support provided for the same in the report. Moreover, I feel the assessment on the current manager fails to convince that manager should be replaced. The premise would have been stronger if the report present and correlated the two seemingly loose facts - revenue loss and knowledge of raw metals.
Thirdly, the solution provided in the report on how to minimize losses is again subject to speculations. The argument fails to admit the fact that for an imminent position of manager in raw materials require a good knowledge of several areas: for instance business leadership qualities, ability to evaluate the market etc. There is no evidence provided 1) whether a person from research division will have all the aforementioned qualities, along with subject matter expertise on metals, 2) how will his knowledge of metals will ultimately lead to control the loss.
In a sum, the conclusion proposed in the report is hastily reached, without evaluating all the aforementioned assumptions. The argument provides neither the substantial information for conclusion nor the assumption needed to bolster the argument. In order to assess the merit of an argument, it is essential to have the full knowledge of all the contributing factors and lack of the same leaves the argument unfounded.

[Queen09]

Any comments please ..

[KillGmat]

well i couldnt go through the entire essay ..here are my 2 cents...
1)increase the length of your essay
2) leave a line blank after every paragraph ,looks more presentable
3)Avoid using bullet/number system