Review My Issue

[bigscore]

Issue : 'Since science and technology are becoming more and more essential to modern society, schools should devote more time to teaching science and technology and less to teaching arts and humanities.'

Discuss the extent to which you agree /disagre

AWA:

Many educationists face the decision of devoting more time and attention to either science and technology teaching or art and humanities teaching in schools.A close examination of the issue reveals that all the subjects should be given equal importance and time while teaching at school and there should not be discrepency depending upon the relevance of this subject in modern society.
A main reason that all subjects should be given equal importance is the overall development of children at school level. School teaching is expected to provide the education, required for the development of a child in all fields.Particular subjects can't be given more importance only becuase they looks more essential to modern scoiety. Devoting more time and importance to teaching of scicence and technology will affect the growth of students in other fields, thus this will have an impact on the overall growth of child.
Other reason is the inetersts and rights of a student. Every Student has its own interests invarious fields of education. Some students find the science and technoclogy more interesting while others do not have same the interest. By giving more importance to science and technology in school education , the students , having more inclination towards arts and humanities , feel demotivated and also miss the opportunities of development in their field of ineterst.Every Student also have fundamental right to get knowledge of all the fields with any discrimination in school time.
Art and Humanities are also part of modern society as science and technoclogy are. Comparision of essentiality of various fields of education is not practical as every field has its own area of presence in society. Providing education of only one area of society will not serve the purpose of schools , whose main goal is to develop the students for their future.Schools should consider every area with equality and provide education and opportunities to students equally.
While there are arguments to be made for both sides, it is clear that education system should fair to all the fields of education.Schools should devote equal time and energy to both science and arts and also helps the students to develop their intersts in every field, this will help the overall growth of students.

[MBA_to_be]

Although your essay clearly explains your standpoint that all subjects should be given equal importance, it lacks in correct grammatical usage, e.g. is, have, has etc. The typos also appear to weaken the essay content.

I also feel that some sentences towards the end of third paragraph, reg. purpose of schools to provide education in different subjects, are repetitive of your lines in the second paragraphs. You may want to condense them.

In its current form, I would give the essay 2.5 or 3.0, mainly due to grammatical issues.

Good luck!