please rate my essay and give suggestions to improve

[aparajita0908]

“It is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make, independently, the sacrifices necessary to conserve energy. International leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential if we expect to protect the world’s energy resources for future generations.”

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above, Support your views with the reasons and/or examples from your experience, observations or readings.

Most widely used energy resources are non renewable type of energy resources. The rate at which these energy resources are replenished is infinitely small as compared to rate of consumption as it took eons for formation of these resources. But all of us are extremely dependent on these resources for our day to day requirement. Consumption at this rate will create paucity for these resources for future generation. To protect energy resources for our future generation, I think International leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential rather than making sacrifices independently.
Firstly, we have to limit our consumption, but if we talk at global level, developing nations may not afford this because it may slowdown the growth rate. But the developed nations should move a step forward for this, as they are already developed nations and cutting down the consumption of these resources may not hamper their growth. For this international cooperation is extremely essential.
Secondly, we should search for alternate sources of energy and develop technology which utilizes the alternate source. Going for alternate sources like bio diesel will be a great step towards conserving the fossil fuels. But again the technology of production of bio-diesel is limited to few countries. The idea of business on this shall be dropped and this technology shall be made patent free. Also the countries that have this technology should come forward as global leaders and help other countries to get the alternate source of energy. Apart from that, if some technology has been developed to increase the efficiency of major production processes hence reducing the consumption of non renewable sources, then that shall be made known worldwide for the noble cause. To achieve this, international leadership is required by means of some international organization like UN which will give all the nations a common platform to share new technologies.
To sum up I would say that International leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential if we expect to protect the world’s energy resources for future generations. But at the same time it is the responsibility of every nation and every individual to avoid wasting these precious resources and conserve these for our future generations.

[okGMAT]

Standard essay is 5 paragraphs.

Using "In conclusion", "To Sum Up", "Finally", "In summation" are all very generic and repetitive ways to annoy the essay graders. A good way to conclude is to restate your point and then summarize your supporting points. Not in a list, but worded succinctly and compellingly (of course easier said than done).

Likewise, you don't need to start with "Firstly", "Secondly" or "Thirdly"; Your final line in each paragraph can open up for your following paragraphs. Again, easier said than done. This information has already provided a great template:
http://www.urch.com/forums/gmat-awa/...-template.html (Magic Template)

If you want a true edit of this essay let me know. It will help me practice for the AWA as well. But, work on standard essay format first. This link should be #1 on your list to writing strong essays:
Structure of the Five Paragraph Essay

Don't worry about the citations that the essay uses. You won't have references other than your own knowledge when you write these essays. So read the paper everyday, or watch the news!

[Shivo.Shivo]

well i have just started preparation for my exams for my side your answer is good.

[california]

Good analysis okGMAT