Critisize my essay plz!!!!!!

[g.tatiana]

We can learn more about the society by observing how its people spend their leisure time than by observing them at work.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

22:32

The author of the statement asserts that the leisure time depicts the society more accurately then the time spent at work. The issue presented above is rather controversial. In my opinion, however, it is crucial to take into account both, work and spare time, to draw the full picture of the society. In this essay I will bring several reasons in the support of this approach.

To begin with, I would like to identify the qualities, which people show at their work, and explain why they play an important role in understanding of the society. Nowadays most of the people’s life is occupied by work. In their offices, persons show the best of their qualities, their fortes and their aspirations. By regarding the management style, which differs in different societies, we can get the information about the aims of this society and means of its achievement. By exploring the atmosphere during communication process among the colleagues we can judge what kind of qualities are valuable in this society (because often people are trying to look better then they are and are making their best to behave themselves perfectly). As an example I would like to compare the Russian and the German society: in the working places of the former one you will find an ideal order and logical sequence, in the latter one you will most likely find the creative disorder. It perfectly reflects these two societies.

The leisure time also is very important factor in the assessment of the society. At their spare time, people are relaxed and relieved of all the formalities. They are what they are with no endeavors to be better. Consequently, by regarding the leisure style, we can say about the cultural level of this society. For example, if people are more interested in watching reality-shows on TV this level is law, but if they are more inclined to read in the free time it is a society of educated people.

In addition, I would like to underline the importance of the complex approach in the assessment of certain community. You will never know about people’s potential for success and development by taking into consideration only the leisure style. Vice versa, the true people’s emotions and desires will be a mystery if you regard only their performance at work.

In conclusion, I would like to say that in order to say something definite about a certain society we shout take a broader look and consider both sides of the life. Observation of people at their work will open only the one side of the medal, and spare time is the other side. Therefore I believe that it is crucial to apply a complex approach.

23:03
No time for checking
448 words

[profetize]

I liked your argument. I believe it's quite clear and well structured.

I think that your major flaws are at a grammar level, although your line of reasoning isn't compromised by it. If you have the time try to improve your English.

I'm not a native speaker and I've just started practicing my essays so do that my analysis with a pinch of salt.