please rate my argument

[keenkriti]

A recent study shows that people living on the continent of North America suffer 9 times more chronic fatigue and 31 times more chronic depression than do people living on the continent of Asia. Interestingly, Asians, on average, eat 20 grams of soy per day, whereas North Americans eat virtually none. It turns out that soy contains phytochemicals called isoflavones, which have been found to possess disease-preventing properties. Thus, North Americans should consider eating soy on a regular basis as a way of preventing fatigue and depression.


The above argument maintains a very casual relationship between fatigue, depression and eating habits of humans. I agree there’s a congruency between these two phenomenons but correlating them without considering any other pertinent factors would not be a wise act. There are scads of reasons which must be pondered upon before coming to a conclusion.

Consuming soy on a regular basis may be one of the factors for improving chronic fatigue, but chronic depression may not be caused by not consuming soy products. There are several other reasons for chronic depression in North America, like high divorce rates, work related issues, family problems, health factors, side effects of antibiotics , hormonal changes etc. It is also stated that soy possess disease preventing properties, but there may be some other food materials which are consumed by Asians which improve stamina and hence reduce fatigue. Therefore regarding soy as the sole cause to improve fatigue and depression is dubious.

The argument is not substantiated by enough statistical data to prove syllogism between soy and depression related problems. There may not be enough surveys done, which also depend upon location and economic standards of people. Another reason for chronic fatigue may be leisure lifestyle and high dependence on technical gadgets. Some Asian countries are still developing and most of the work done is manual and hence more stamina and less fatigue.

To make the argument more logical and rational, to avoid skeptical questioning, several examples and numeric data must be incorporated and the author should ratiocinate about more factors causing chronic depression and fatigue rather than sticking solely to a single cause.

[ZionGirl]

although i am a novice in gre preparation i think your essay is realy good and you identified the main flaws:
1.that Earthlings have different lifestyle
2. the author should not based its conclusion on the research made on another continent
3.then the authors compares north america with an entire continent which has a completely different climate and style of life
4. there are no real figures given, such as sample population
5. failure of identifing the real cause and taking into consideration other factors

i can not say anything about grammar cause i don't feel mine is strong enough. but you have a good structure..introduction, body, conclusion..when are you going to take the gre? gd luck!

[Ninevah]

Avoid using GRE words.
Ratiocinate, congruency and scads are all words that do jump to much from your text. They do not fit the style and can be easily substituted by normal English words. The readers have probably seen tons of examinees pushing GRE words in their essays. They saw them mistaking their meanings too...

[keenkriti]

thanks guys