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Hi, I'm taking the GRE tomorrow for the first time and am trying different writing samples. My girlfriend thinks that this should get me at least a 5 (I'm hoping for a 6 on the examination tomorrow), but she's not all too familiar with the GRE. She did give me some very helpful tips regarding my writing and logic though. Can someone read this and let me know approximately what score I would get? Thanks!
Prompt:
Typically, as people age, their bone mass decreases, making them more vulnerable to bone fractures. A recent study concludes that the most effective way to reduce the risk of fractures in later life is to take twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium daily. The three-year study followed a group of French women in their eighties who were nursing-home residents. The women were given daily supplements of twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium. In addition, the women participated in a light weightlifting program. After three years, these women showed a much lower rate of hip fractures than is average for their age.
My Essay (written in 21 minutes without spelling and grammar check):
The argument presented contains several errors in reasoning that prevents it from being fully persuasive. It fails to take into account other factors, omits much-needed details, and uses a study that may not be valid.
The argument states the the most effective way to reduce the risk of fractures is to take twice the recommended dose of vitamin D and calcium daily. What it fails to include in its recommendation is that the women who participated in the study also took part in a weightlifting program. Doctors have long recommended that weightlifting greatly helps build bone structures, regardless of age. Without further information, it is impossible to say that the women's weightlifting exercises did not contribute to the decrease in bone fractures, or even that the weightlifting program is the sole reason for the reduction.
In addition, the argument does not include enough information about the study. For example, how many women made up the sample? If the nursing-home only had a handful of residents, for example, it would be difficult to draw any clear conclusions. Further, with the study only lasting three years, its validity and accuracy may be questioned. The vast majority of studies of this type usually track participants for longer periods of time, some as long as decades.
The study cited by the argument cannot be used to represent the general population, as the women live in a nursing-home. Even without the dietary supplements, as well as the weightlifting exercises, this group of women may already experience a much lower rate of hip fractures compared to people of their age. It is typical for nusing homes to have trained employees and volunteers that can tend to the women, which would greatly decrease their chances of falling and fracturing their bones. Also, the nursing home would most likely have safer environments than the places that the people in the general population live in, thus decreasing the chance of bone fractures.
Everything taken into account, the argument lacks merit because it is incomplete and fails to supply a convincing connection between the evidence provided and its conclusion. Ultimately, the argument might have been strengthened by a closer examination of the study and if conclusions were not drawn with haste.
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