Please rate my first argument essay

[darklord1984]

Hi, please rate the essay I have written. Also, give me any suggestions on any improvements I could make. I am aspiring to do an MS in one of the top 25 US universities, so please let me know if my essay score would be commensurate with my aspiration.

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The University of Claria is generally considered one of the best universities in the world because of its instructors' reputation, which is based primarily on the extensive research and publishing record of certain faculty members. In addition, several faculty members are internationally renowned as leaders in their fields. For example, many of the faculty from the English department are regularly invited to teach at universities in other countries. Furthermore, two recent graduates of the physics department have gone on to become candidates for the Nobel Prize in Physics. And 75 percent of the students are able to find employment after graduating. Therefore, because of the reputation of its faculty, the University of Claria should be the obvious choice for anyone seeking a quality education.

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The argument stated above may seem convincing at a first glance. However, after a deeper scrutiny, it can be observed that several loopholes exist.

In the beginning, the statement says that the University of Claria is considered to be one of the best universities in the world because of its instructors' reputation. Of course, the assumption that this statement is correct would not really tell us much about the students themselves. We should understand that the students are the ones who need to be judged, and the knowledge of the instructors, though necessary, is not a sufficient condition for labelling a university as an 'obvious choice'

In addition, the statement above has described in great detail the knowledge and competence of its instructors, and even substantiated their assertion to an extent with examples of candidates for the Nobel Prize in Physics. Still, several factors go into making one university a better choice than the other. We often have to look at accomodation available, technical and recreational facilities, and a general environment, especially for foreign students. A university should help in the all round development of a student. Mere bookish knowledge is by no means enough. The statement does not mention any details other than the academic ones.

The statement has mentioned that certain faculty members have an impressive publishing record and have done extensive research in their respective fields. In this regard, some statistics would be more helpful in deciding the level of the university, not only of the University of Claria, but also of several others, something that could be done using proven statistical methods. In order to understand how good the University of Claria is, one would have to compare its advantages with those of other universities as well.

Another statement has been made about 75% of the students being able to find employment after graduating. This statement does not mention whether this is a regular trend, or whether this statistic is valid only for a particular academic year. Moreover, the statement does not throw light on the nature of employment, nor does it mention names of organisations/institutions which have hired 75% of the students. It is safe to say that this particular point is the most vague one, and needs a siginificant amount of deliberation.

In conclusion, referring to the above statement alone, it would be unwise to consider the University of Claria an 'obvious choice for anyone seeking a quality education'. Several additions need to be made, and more information has to be provided. Then, one would be able to gauge the level of the university in a more well-informed manner.

[srisri]

namaste darklord,

I would rate thy argument 4.5.You have argued all the points reasonably.Still u can add that just focussing on two depts i.e enghlish &physics ,we can't reitrate that is the best choice to prefer.



THE MORE U PRECTICE THE MORE U WILL IMPROVE.

[darklord1984]

namaste darklord,

I would rate thy argument 4.5.You have argued all the points reasonably.Still u can add that just focussing on two depts i.e enghlish &physics ,we can't reitrate that is the best choice to prefer.



THE MORE U PRECTICE THE MORE U WILL IMPROVE.

Hey, thanks for your feedback. I certainly hope I can ameliorate my analytical writing skills. The GRE is very close now. Will definitely practise more.