Please Rate and Analysis My Argument..

[mahedihb]

From Barron's GRE model test 1 section 3 analytical writing task-2

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Classen students may suffer from having fewer post-college employments in comparison to some other top-ranked schools and Classen students may be not so much attractive to the employers. But the authors of this article make some uncorrelated assumptions about the reason behind this. Based on these assumptions, authors make a proposal to abandon or to cut back drastically Classen's breadth requirements. Though this proposal is intended to make Classen students more attractive to the employers and to make them more competitive for post college employment, it may fail to do so and even can make worse the situation.



First of all, authors confidently assume that lower employment problem for the Classen is only due to the University's burdensome breadth requirements. It may not be like that. There could have some other reasons behind this. For exmple, Classen may have wrong syllabus, students may not get sufficient practical classes as they should get or even it is possible that they are not getting as much breadth requirements as they should. Authors do not rightly correlate the relation between the breadth requirements and Classen's post-college employment.



The second mistake that authors make is by comparing Classen with top-ranked school. But they do not mention whether Classen is a top ranked school or not and the criterion of ranking a school. Classen may or may not be a top ranked school and that is why it is needed to find out what are the differences between other top ranked schools and Classen. They might have something more that the Classen does not have. For example, they could differ in Course requirements, practical requirements, internship availability, breadth requirements, students’ facilities, extracurricular activities, quality of the teaching stuffs and so on.



Finally authors assume that the employers find attraction to students that have spent less than 15 percent of their time for breadth requirements and completed more courses on their specialty. But their is no evidence to support this assumption. So, it should be needed to contact with various employers and to collect their requirements that they are looking for from the job seeker.



Despite the flaws in this argument, they may be correct in their assessment of why Classen students are suffering from employment problem. They could strengthen their argument by documenting its most important premises with data. If, For example, they provided survey results from the employers and from some top-ranked schools indicating that both results strongly supports spending less than fifteen percent of student’s time on breadth requirements and completing more advanced courses on student's specialty their argument would be far more persuasive.

[mahedihb]

Sorry, I could not attach the "argument" for that I have written the analysis... The Argument is given below.....

The folloing appeared in a petition presented by Classen University students to the school's administration.

The purpose of higher education is to prepare students for the future, but Classen students are at a serious disadvantage in the competetion for the post-college employment due to the University's burdensome breadth requirements. Classens job placement rate is substaintially ower than placement rates of many top-ranked schools. Classen students would be more attractive to the employers if they had more time to take advanced courses in their specialty, rather than being required to spend fifteen percent of their time at Classen taking courses outside of their subject are. We demand, therefor, that the university abandon or drastically cut back on its breadth requirements.

[ertda]

this is ok overall but I m doubtful with the conclusion