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Old 03-25-2008, 01:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
ywl0
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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ywl0 just joined TestMagic.
Hello,Please check my first argument essay

The following appeared in a newspaper feature story.
"There is now evidence that the relaxed manner of living in small towns promotes better health and greater longevity than does the hectic pace of life in big cities. Businesses in the small town of Leeville report fewer days of sick leave taken by individual workers than do businesses in the nearby large city of Mason City. Furthermore, Leeville has only one physician for its one thousand residents, but in Mason City the proportion of physicians to residents is five times as high. And the average age of Leeville residents is significantly higher than that of Mason City residents. These findings suggest that people seeking longer and healthier lives should consider moving to small communities."
__________________________________________________ ______

The author concludes that Living in small towns might not contribute to the health of people as reported before. To strength his conclusion,the author makes two comparisons:one about the days of sick leave taken by individual workers and businesses and one about the number of physician for one thousand residents,between Leeville and the nearby large city of Mason City. So interesting evidence the author makes,which has some clear faulties as below.

Firstly,The ratio of individual workers who ask for sick leave to the total workers in Leeville ,and that in Mason City should be considered, and then the author should take these to make a comparison . It is entirely possile that the reason of fewer reports in Leeville is the fewer population of the resident there, so the author must provide additional data such as the ratio of the number of applicants for days of sick leave to total number of the workers to make a comparison. Furthermore, the author obviously overlooks the fact that there are so many reasons for a individual workers to applicate for days of sick leave. Perhaps the workers in Mason City applicate for a sick leave only because of tiny illness,such as cold and flu,while the workers in Leville do not.

What is more, the author does not mention the effect of the pace of life on the health of people throughout the articles .Clearly,the mannar of living in Leevile and the pace of life in Mason City are both neglected. so it is irresponsible to make the judgement that the living in Leeville must be enough cosy ,and that the intense pace in Mason City compel people to rush about the life among the city.That is unreasonal because if only the pace of life in Leeville is more hectic than that of Mason City, the conclusion the author made would be a scoff.

Additionally,the evidence that the ratio of the number of the physician to one thousand residents would also be unwarranted. The author seems to tell us that there is more physician ,there is less health in people which sounds so ridiculous.The number of the physician tend to be determined due to the economic power of the town, Maybe the physicians are attracted by the abundant salaries in Mason City, or perhaps traditionally people in Mason City are proud of being physicans . The author hardly establish the causal relationship between the ratio of the number of the physician and the health level of the residents. Let alone that the longevity does not equate with the average age.

Finally,the author's recommendation that people seeking health should consider moving to small communities seems to implicate there must be some negative affections on the health of people in big cities,yet without any evidence to prove it. At the very least, the author should provide the documents of pollution level comparison between small towns and large cities,or a survey among the residents living on both places. None of them can we see.

In sum,the author makes unpersuasive conclusion with so many logical flaws,which is interestingly unconvincing. To prove that the relax manner in small towns is superior to the hectic lifestyle in big cities for the longevity and the better health,the author should describe the lives on both sides and then make a comparsion,and provide more general and justified evidences to support the recommendation,not merely cite some useless indications.
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