my first argument

[samarfadl]

please rate my argument

i would like to say that i finally decided to try myself in writting arguements.
in fact i took my GRE exam last week but i'm retaking it 45 days from now since i didn't get the score that i wished. so, plz help me improving myself.

thanx in advance

The following is a memorandum written by the director of personnel to the president of the Cedar Corporation.

"It would be a mistake to rehire the Good-Taste Company to supply the food in our employee cafeteria next year. It is the second most expensive caterer in the city. In addition, its prices have risen in each of the last three years, and it refuses to provide meals for people on special diets. Just last month three employees complained to me that they no longer eat in the cafeteria because they find the experience 'unbearable.' Our company should instead hire Discount Foods. Discount is a family-owned local company and it offers a varied menu of fish and poultry. I recently tasted a sample lunch at one of the many companies that Discount serves and it was delicious—an indication that hiring Discount will lead to improved employee satisfaction."

The author claims that Good Taste Company (GTC) shouldn't be hired to supply food for Cedar Corporation. He mentions some defaults made by the Good Taste Company and recommends to hire Discount Foods to supply food for the company. The argument of the author lacks some convincing points and is unsubstantiated.

First of all, the claim that GTC is the second expensive caterer in the city may be because of the high quality of the materials and the good service provided by the GTC. Perhaps the GTC provide its clients with the best kinds of food that ensures the satisfaction of its clients.

The author also contends that the GTC has raised its prices during the last three years. He doesn't mention any information about the prices of food in other food supplying companies. Maybe the other companies have also raised their prices, perhaps the increase in the prices is a normal result due to high inflation or due economic recession.
The fact that the GTC refuses to provide meals for people on special diets, is perhaps that the number of people that are having special diets is insignificant compared to the number of employees in the company.

The author tries to assert the bad service of GTC by citing the experience of three of the employees in the company who contend that they no longer eat in the cafeteria because of the "unbearable experience".
Again, the number of unsatisfied employees would be insignificant if the number of the employees in the company is large. So, the author must mention the number of the employees and must provide some information that support the unsatisfaction of large number of employees. If the number of unsatisfied individuals was significant, hiring other food suppliers would be substantiated.

The author recommends to hire Discount Foods to (DF) instead of GTC.
He claims that it offers a varied menu of fish and poultry. He mentions no information about its prices or whether they supplies food for people in special diets. In order to hire DF, he must be sure that their menu would satisfies the employees and that they provide special menu for people in special diet. He must also be sure of the low prices of DF compared to GTC.

The fact that the author himsesf has tasted a sample lunch, doesn't ensure the satisfaction of the employees in the company. This is considered as unrepresentaive sample. The author must support his assertion with representaive survey.

In sum, the argument of the author is unsubstatntiated and his conclusion is unconvincing. To support his argument, the author must ensure that other food supply companies haven't raised their prices in recent years. Moreover, he must mention the numbers of employees and the percent of unsatisfied persons. He also must prove that DF would provide food for the company in low prices and that they will provide special menu to those who in special diet.

i would like to say that it took me 45 min to write this argument.
next time i'll set myself to the required time