my first argument

[samarfadl]

please rate my argument

i would like to say that i finally decided to try myself in writting arguements.
in fact i took my GRE exam last week but i'm retaking it 45 days from now since i didn't get the score that i wished. so, plz help me improving myself.

thanx in advance

The following is a memorandum written by the director of personnel to the president of the Cedar Corporation.

"It would be a mistake to rehire the Good-Taste Company to supply the food in our employee cafeteria next year. It is the second most expensive caterer in the city. In addition, its prices have risen in each of the last three years, and it refuses to provide meals for people on special diets. Just last month three employees complained to me that they no longer eat in the cafeteria because they find the experience 'unbearable.' Our company should instead hire Discount Foods. Discount is a family-owned local company and it offers a varied menu of fish and poultry. I recently tasted a sample lunch at one of the many companies that Discount serves and it was delicious—an indication that hiring Discount will lead to improved employee satisfaction."

The author claims that Good Taste Company (GTC) shouldn't be hired to supply food for Cedar Corporation. He mentions some defaults made by the Good Taste Company and recommends to hire Discount Foods to supply food for the company. The argument of the author lacks some convincing points and is unsubstantiated.

First of all, the claim that GTC is the second expensive caterer in the city may be because of the high quality of the materials and the good service provided by the GTC. Perhaps the GTC provide its clients with the best kinds of food that ensures the satisfaction of its clients.

The author also contends that the GTC has raised its prices during the last three years. He doesn't mention any information about the prices of food in other food supplying companies. Maybe the other companies have also raised their prices, perhaps the increase in the prices is a normal result due to high inflation or due economic recession.
The fact that the GTC refuses to provide meals for people on special diets, is perhaps that the number of people that are having special diets is insignificant compared to the number of employees in the company.

The author tries to assert the bad service of GTC by citing the experience of three of the employees in the company who contend that they no longer eat in the cafeteria because of the "unbearable experience".
Again, the number of unsatisfied employees would be insignificant if the number of the employees in the company is large. So, the author must mention the number of the employees and must provide some information that support the unsatisfaction of large number of employees. If the number of unsatisfied individuals was significant, hiring other food suppliers would be substantiated.

The author recommends to hire Discount Foods to (DF) instead of GTC.
He claims that it offers a varied menu of fish and poultry. He mentions no information about its prices or whether they supplies food for people in special diets. In order to hire DF, he must be sure that their menu would satisfies the employees and that they provide special menu for people in special diet. He must also be sure of the low prices of DF compared to GTC.

The fact that the author himsesf has tasted a sample lunch, doesn't ensure the satisfaction of the employees in the company. This is considered as unrepresentaive sample. The author must support his assertion with representaive survey.

In sum, the argument of the author is unsubstatntiated and his conclusion is unconvincing. To support his argument, the author must ensure that other food supply companies haven't raised their prices in recent years. Moreover, he must mention the numbers of employees and the percent of unsatisfied persons. He also must prove that DF would provide food for the company in low prices and that they will provide special menu to those who in special diet.

i would like to say that it took me 45 min to write this argument.
next time i'll set myself to the required time

[ruchia]

Hi I read your essay. You have made good points. I think overall good analysis, but a little bit of grammatical and spelling mistakes. I read your essay after writing mine. I think I missed a few points.

Here goes my essay. Please comment.

The following is a memorandum written by the director of personnel to the president of the Cedar Corporation.
It would be a mistake to rehire the Good-Taste Company to supply the food in our employee cafeteria next year. It is the second most expensive caterer in the city. In addition, its prices have risen in each of the last three years, and it refuses to provide meals for people on special diets. Just last month three employees complained to me that they no longer eat in the cafeteria because they find the experience 'unbearable.' Our company should instead hire Discount Foods. Discount is a family-owned local company and it offers a varied menu of fish and poultry. I recently tasted a sample lunch at one of the many companies that Discount serves and it was delicious—an indication that hiring Discount will lead to improved employee satisfaction."

Citing that the Good-taste company (GTC) has raised its prices in the past years and 3 of employees had bad experience, the director of the personnel concludes here that the Cedar Corporation (CC) should not hire GTC next year. Instead the director is in the favor of hiring Discount Foods (DF) since he had a good experience at a lunch catered by them. The director’s conclusion relies on a series of very little evidence and is therefore unconvincing as it stands.

Firstly, the director cites that since GTC has raised its prices in each of the past three years of its catering, it should not be hired in the coming year. However, the director fails to take into account the reasons that have caused GTC to raise its prices –for example, the prices of food commodities might have risen overall and hence GTC had to raise its prices. Also the director cites that it is the second most expensive caterer in the city, but he does not throw any light on the fact that if GTC has risen to this position in the past 3 years or was it always at this position. By knowing this we would know if GTC has raised its prices more than other caterers or it is an industry trend.

Secondly, the director cites that 3 of the company employees do not eat in the cafeteria since they had an unbearable experience last month. According the argument, GTC seems to be serving the CC for past 3 years. However, since 3 of the employees had a bad experience in the past 1 month does not seem to justify that GTC should not be considered for next year. Instead the author should try to find out the reason behind their bad experience.

Moreover, the director quotes that DF should be hired next year because they offer a varied menu of fish and poultry and also because he found the food at 1 of the lunch catered by DF to be delicious. However, he does not provide any information on the prices of DF. Also he feels that since he found the food delicious, the other employees would also like it. Instead he should have gone at the lunch tasting with some other employees to get their opinion. Also while ruling out GTC, the director had quoted that GTC does not offer any food for people on special diets. The director does not provide any information whether DF would also provide any such kind of food.

Hence, in order to strengthen the argument the author should provide some more information on general trend of food prices in the industry and also the food prices of DF. Also the author should try to find out the exact reason for the 3 employees not eating in the cafeteria. In order to get an unbiased opinion, he should take a team of employees to taste the food catered by DF. Also he should try to check if DF would provide any food for people on special diets.