190. The following is a letter to the editor of the Glenville Gazette, a local newspa

[samarfadl]

190. The following is a letter to the editor of the Glenville Gazette, a local newspaper.

"Over the past few years, the number of people who have purchased advance tickets for the Glenville Summer Concert series has declined, indicating lack of community support. Although the weather has been unpredictable in the past few years, this cannot be the reason for the decline in advance ticket purchases, because many people attended the concerts even in bad weather. Clearly, then, the reason for the decline is the choice of music, so the organizers of the concert should feature more modern music in the future and should be sure to include music composed by Richerts, whose recordings Glenville residents purchase more often than any other contemporary recordings. This strategy will undoubtedly increase advance ticket purchases and will increase attendance at the concerts."

The author of the argument addresses some points that may be the reason of the declining in the purchase of the Glenville Summer Concert (GSC) advance tickets. At the end of his argument, he suggests some solutions in order to increase the purchase of the advance tickets. The author's argument seems unsubstantiated and his conclusions are unconvincing.

First of all, the author claims that over the past few years, the number of the people purchasing the advance tickets for GSC is declining. He suggests that the reason for this declining indicates the lack of community support. This claim is unsupported because the author doesn't cite any statistical data to support his claim. He must include some data in his argument to prove the decrease of the community support. The decrease in the ticket purchase may be resulted from any other reasons. This may include the increase in the tickets price or perhaps these concerts are organized in unfavorable times where the people are busy in their jobs or studies.

Secondly, the author claims that the unpredictable weather in the past few years has no relation to the decrease in the tickets purchase. He asserts that many people attended these concerts even in bad weather. This claim is implausible because it needs to be supported by some evidences. The author must provide his claim with some data and surveys. Perhaps when the people attended these concerts, the weather was not so bad. May be the "bad weather" was only windy or recorded somewhat high temperature compared to the average degrees during the year. In order to support his claim "that people attended concerts even in bad weather", the author must cite some data of the weather conditions to ensure that people has attended concerts even in bad weathers. Perhaps if the supporters of such concerts found that the weather is so bad (rainy or snowy), they would refrain from attending such concerts.

The author then concludes that the main reason for the decline of the purchase of the tickets is the choice of music. This is unconvincing due to the above mentioned reasons which could be the actual reason of the decline such as the increase of ticket price, the unfavorable schedules of the concerts and the bad weather during these concerts.

The author suggests that the organizers must feature more modern music in the future and to be sure to include music composed by Richerts, whose recordings Glenville residents purchase more often than any other contemporary recordings.

Again, the author must provide statistical data to ensure the preferred types of music. It is important to define the kind that the audience prefers before suggesting to change the type of music displayed in these concerts. Perhaps the audience may not like the new music. Furthermore, the music composed by Richerts although popular, may not attract the attention of the supporters of the GSC concerts since they already have his recordings. They might be inclined to attend these concerts in order to enjoy other types of music.

To sum up, the author's argument is somewhat unsubstantiated and lack some evidences to support his claims. In order to strengthen his argument, he needs to add some surveys to indicate the decline of the ticket purchase. He also needs to provide his argument with some statistical data about the weather condition to confirm his claim about attendances of the audience to these concerts even in bad weather.

would u plz comment on my argument???

i would be so grateful if u add some suggestions to this argument

thanx in advance

[ruchia]

Originally Posted by samarfadl

190. The following is a letter to the editor of the Glenville Gazette, a local newspaper.

"Over the past few years, the number of people who have purchased advance tickets for the Glenville Summer Concert series has declined, indicating lack of community support. Although the weather has been unpredictable in the past few years, this cannot be the reason for the decline in advance ticket purchases, because many people attended the concerts even in bad weather. Clearly, then, the reason for the decline is the choice of music, so the organizers of the concert should feature more modern music in the future and should be sure to include music composed by Richerts, whose recordings Glenville residents purchase more often than any other contemporary recordings. This strategy will undoubtedly increase advance ticket purchases and will increase attendance at the concerts."

The author of the argument addresses some points that may be the reason of the declining in the purchase of the Glenville Summer Concert (GSC) advance tickets. At the end of his argument, he suggests some solutions in order to increase the purchase of the advance tickets. The author's argument seems unsubstantiated and his conclusions are unconvincing.

First of all, the author claims that over the past few years, the number of the people purchasing the advance tickets for GSC is declining. He suggests that the reason for this declining decline indicates the lack of community support. This The author's claim is unsupported because the author he/She doesn't cite any statistical data to support his/her claim. He must include some data in his argument to prove the decrease of the community support. The decrease in the ticket purchase may be resulted from any some other reason. This may include the increase in the tickets price or perhaps these concerts are organized in unfavorable times where the people are busy in their jobs or studies. Or perhaps there is some other more attractive event scheduled for the same time.

Secondly, the author claims that the unpredictable weather in the past few years has no relation to the decrease in the tickets purchase. He asserts that many people attended these concerts even in bad weather. This claim is implausible because it needs to be supported by some evidences. The author must provide his claim with some data and surveys. Perhaps when the people attended these concerts, the weather was not so bad. May be the "bad weather" was only windy or recorded somewhat high temperature compared to the average degrees during the year. In order to support his claim "that people attended concerts even in bad weather", the author must cite some data of the weather conditions to ensure that people has have attended concerts even in bad weathers. Perhaps if the supporters of such concerts found that the weather is so bad (rainy or snowy), they would refrain from attending such concerts.

The author then concludes that the main reason for the decline of the purchase of the tickets is the choice of music. This is unconvincing due to the above mentioned reasons which could be the actual reason of the decline such as the increase of ticket price, the unfavorable schedules of the concerts and the bad weather during these concerts.

The author suggests that the organizers must feature more modern music in the future and to be sure to include music composed by Richerts, whose recordings Glenville residents purchase more often than any other contemporary recordings.

Again, the author must provide statistical data to ensure the preferred types of music. It is important to define the kind that the audience prefers before suggesting to change the type of music displayed in these concerts. Perhaps the audience may not like the new music. Furthermore, the music composed by Richerts although popular, may not attract the attention of the supporters of the GSC concerts since they already have his recordings. They might be inclined to attend these concerts in order to enjoy other types of music.

To sum up, the author's argument is somewhat unsubstantiated and lack some evidences to support his claims. In order to strengthen his argument, he needs to add some surveys to indicate the decline of the ticket purchase. He also needs to provide his argument with some statistical data about the weather condition to confirm his claim about attendances of the audience to these concerts even in bad weather.

would u plz comment on my argument???

i would be so grateful if u add some suggestions to this argument

thanx in advance

Hey, you have covered almost all the points. Good one.. when is your exam?

[samarfadl]

hey ruchia!
thanx so much for ur comments

This The author's claim is unsupported because the author he/She doesn't cite any statistical data to support his/her claim.

i've a question about this part: should i always consider that the author might be a man or a lady???
i noticed that a lot of the students always mention the (he/she) composition in their essays.. but i intentionaly neglect it in my essays
thanx again ruchia

my exam is very soon, it is on 6 august
have u decided when to take yours????
any way, best of luck to u ruchia
see u soon

[lookingahead]

I can add a small point here which might add content - the age group of the people who come to watch the concerts really matters , an investigation into the age groups might reveal interesting information about the choice of music and the reason in the decline in popularity of XYZ.

[mystic87]

another note for content:
- the assumption that music is the preferred of the town: how do they know that this sample who buy Richarts records represent the choice of the town?
- others may prefer to listen to the radio, or internet, or watch music videos to buying records
- therefore, the representativeness of this sample is questionable

note on writing:
- don't use first, second, third..etc to begin your paragraphs. it's not sophisticated as furthermore, moreover, in addition..etc.
- you can't simply assume "the author" as male by using he. you should either stick with he or she, or dont mention the author at all. your points can still be made without mentioning the author.

Other than these minor points, i'd say a job well done on analyzing!

[samarfadl]

hi lookingahead!
hi mystic!

thank u so much for ur comments and suggestions they are really useful to me

thanx and see u soon