As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of human to

[Muhammad Fayyaz]

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of human to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

The modern technology which is now ubiquitous and ameliorating at a great spur omniscient are making the daily life of human being more luxurious and affluent. The internet, Artificial intelligence, and the nuclear technology are the epitomes and prodigy of modern technology. However, if one not deliberately oblivious to it, in my opinion it hugely deteriorate the human inventions are research. Let me elucidate some of the key facts in my perspective.

Firstly, take the example of calculator which was almost invented in 1970. After the invention of that technology, human research and inventions greatly diminished. Before that in every field of life there was grandeur of inventions i.e. Newton in the field of physics, Einstein in Energy milieu and Tharzagi in the soil mechanics and unlimited others prodigies. After 1970, no such magnanimous inventions made.

Secondly, the nuclear technology which is deeply involving in power generation and other such daily life necessities. However, it creates a massacre in 1946 in Japan and perennially deteriorating, and causing fear. This omnipotent weapon is now the wish of every country to obtain, not for human benefit but for the genocide.

Thirdly, the human being due to abundance of so much modern technology for lavish and extravagant purposes, insidiously hinder and impede the process of human thinking. Human mind became so much stymie and foil that it is restricted only to profligate the existing technology not to make it useful.

To conclude, if the human being and technology are concomitantly moving at this rate, one may conjecture that after a decade our impetus will also diminished and the perception become completely destroyed. We have to now eliminate the contiguous and abutting relation between the technology and thinking for ourself not for the posterity.

[Muhammad Fayyaz]

Please grade the above essay

[H10okie]

Some quick feedback:

 

1. If you want to get a high score, you need to add a paragraph with a counterpoint.

2. Spend more time strengthening your body paragraphs and the examples--if you are running out of time, my suggestion is to write your thesis then go to the body paragraphs. With the extra time at the end, go back and add to your thesis/opening paragraph. It's important you have an opening but the body paragraphs are where you support your opinion so they need to be strong.