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Please evaluate my first essay. Thank you so much!


cote609

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Issue 19

It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations.

 

The speaker alleges that it is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social problems rather than for long-term research. I concede that, to certain extend, existing social problems should be the ones that we should focus on the most. However, in close scrutiny, it is obvious that this statement contains loophole: The solution of some existing social problems require long-term research. Additionally, we are responsible for future generations.

 

Spending money on existing social problems is crucial in maintaining the stability of the society, the well-beings of the economy, or even the existence of the nation. Consider, if we do not allocate enough attention in the current deteriorating economic condition, increasing number of corporations would be in bankrupt, which therefore leads to the exacerbation of unemployment condition. This would eventually result in strikes and even social movements that might jeopardize the existing regime.

 

However, some existing social problems, like crime, poverty cannot be solved immediately, as they are mostly connected with human nature. Those problems can be effectively mitigated only through education in several aspects. The study of history, political science, or public policy would teach the general public the concepts of fairness, equity and justice; The increasing knowledge of art will aid the public in appreciating the humanities; The elevation of logical reasoning ability could facilitate communication consensus, and peaceful compromise. Only through the advancement in similar abilities, could such problems be effectively alleviated. Thus, we have to devote to long-term investments like education for alleviating such problem.

 

Additionally, future is born out of present. Our present actions and conditions will decide how our future generations will live. For example, the exhaustion of natural resources would result in skirmish and wars in the future; The environmental pollution and global warming would eventually turn the earth into a uninhabitable place. As we are morally responsible for the future generation, it is necessary for us to prevent the occurrence of such events. Additionally, since the long-term research that might not yield to benefits for now, might turn out to be stunningly significant, and generate revolutionary result in the future, the money spent on these projects become a wise investment. Consider the extent to which the physical well-beings of human are being promoted by the genetic technology even if it seemed idiosyncratic and unusual at the time of its invention.

 

In sum, I concede that spending money for immediate, existing social problems is essential for maintaining the well-beings of a society. However, long-term investment is also crucial for the development, as it could serves to alleviate some social problems, and because we are responsible for the future generations.

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Hi,

 

I don't want to give a score but here are some points you could improve:

 

- Link paragraphs to each other

- Repeat main points in the conclusion

- Start the introduction with a general example

- The last sentence of your introduction is a little disconnected

 

I hope this helps. Please rate the essay I just posted!

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