Essay on educational institutions

[pyromania]

1st post here. Can you guys give me some feedback on my essay? I think I have quite a lot to work on. I really need some tips on improving sentence structure and making my writing seem interesting.

 

 

This is the prompt:

Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

 

 

Here is my essay:

The idea of someone else deciding how we live our lives is never a good thing. Educational institutions have no right in saying what fields we are or are not allowed to pursue. A lot of the time, when someone is told they just are not capable of a certain goal, the person puts in the effort and ends up achieving what they were told could never happen.

 

We can’t know for certain what fields people will fail at. What we do know, however, is people tend to do well in what they are interested in. If someone decides to major in education, graduates, but is not very interested in teaching children, they will probably not be a very good teacher. In another case, look at well known, successful leaders in the technological fields such as Mark Zuckerburg, Steve Jobs, and Bill Gates. They all were interested in computers and this is what drove them forward to create and build their enterprises. No one told them what they were allowed to do, they just pursued their fascinations.

 

In life the best mindset seems to be “The sky is the limit”. Going forth thinking this way allows us to turn our dreams into realities. Given the right tools, attitude, time, and tutor/teacher most people are capable of reaching their educational goals and possibly beyond. If someone is very behind where they should be in Math, and you hire a good tutor for them, along with a good work ethic on their part they can improve. The same thing applies for English, Science, Social Sciences, etc.

 

If we look at Albert Einstein, he had some problems during his education, doing poorly in certain courses and exams. As an adult though, he was one of the greatest scientific minds ever to live, launching his theory of General Relativity onto the world.

 

If educational institutions forced us away from certain fields, we may end up graduating in a field that we hate. Having no interest in your own field can cause problems and may very well be the reason that you are not able to perform well at your job. When you don’t like your job or can’t keep up, this can pervade into your life and possibly even cause you to become depressed. Therefore, it is my opinion that educational institutions should not be able to dissuade students from pursuing certain fields.

[Shalom Ichthys]

Theidea of someone else deciding how we live our lives is never a goodthing. Educational institutions have no right in saying what fieldswe are or are not allowed to pursue. A lot of time, when someone istold they just are not capable of a certain goal, the person puts inthe effort and ends up achieving what they were told could neverhappen.

 

Thisis exceptional, but should we begin with a general conception first?

“Alot of time” but not “a lot of the time”

“theyare just not capable of attaining a certain goal”

Wecan’t know for certain what fields people will fail at. What we doknow, however, is people tend to do well in what they are interestedin. If someone decides to major in education, graduates, but is notvery interested in teaching children, they will probably not be avery good teacher. In another case, look at well known, successfulleaders in the technological fields such as Mark Zuckerburg, SteveJobs, and Bill Gates. They all were interested in computers and thisis what drove them forward to create and build their enterprises. Noone told them what they were allowed to do, they just pursued theirfascinations.

 

“Wecannot tell” preferred to “we can't know”

Paradoxically,why would someone not interested in teaching children major ineducation at the first glance? Should s/he be dissuaded from pursuingthe field, won't it better fit into the topic?

“Insome other cases” because you are dealing with a bunch offounders

“Theywere all interested” to put the word “all” amidst

“andtheir intrinsic pursuit of fascinations drove them to nurture theirrespective enterprises”, for instance, agglomerates two sentencesinto one.

Inlife the best mindset seems to be “The sky is the limit”. Goingforth thinking this way allows us to turn our dreams into realities.Given the right tools, attitude, time, and tutor/teacher most peopleare capable of reaching their educational goals and possibly beyond.If someone is very behind where they should be in Math, and you hirea good tutor for them, along with a good work ethic on their partthey can improve. The same thing applies for English, Science, SocialSciences, etc.

 

Conceptually,why should someone be drilled up in math? Personal interest, or mereadmission into a desired program? After all, extrinsically (if notpecuinarily) or intrinsically motivated?

>“If someone has a genuine interest in math but somehow fallsbehind, given the appropriate set of supporting tools, like tutorsand intensive training, plus an unrelented determination, s/he islikely to improve to master the skills needed to realize the goal inlife. However, this is of no panecea, because if someone lacks behindby a large margin, a strong antitode may stifle rather than instigate. Say, should someone fail along the discourse of math progression,then s/he may better take up a field that is less mathematical in theavoidance of languishing in countless drills for a mere pass.”

 

 

If we look at Albert Einstein, he had some problems during hiseducation, doing poorly in certain courses and exams. As an adultthough, he was one of the greatest scientific minds ever to live,launching his theory of General Relativity onto the world.

 

 

“everto date” preferred to “ever to live”

“intothe world” rather than “onto the world”

Here,the examples of the founders of Facebook, Google and Apple have onething in common: drop-out from colleges. Yet, attention should bepaid that they are not dissuaded by institutions, but they drop-outvoluntarily to grasp something imminently profound to realize theirrespective passions. This said, even Albert Einstein was notdissuaded from studies, at least at the college level, but wasencouraged to press on until he realized his potential at a laterage. While it is hard to quote examples directly pertinent to thetopic, these names nevertheless provoke our contemplations.

Ifeducational institutions forced us away from certain fields, we mayend up graduating in a field that we hate. Having no interest in yourown field can cause problems and may very well be the reason that youare not able to perform well at your job. When you don’t like yourjob or can’t keep up, this can pervade into your life and possiblyeven cause you to become depressed. Therefore, it is my opinion thateducational institutions should not be able to dissuade students frompursuing certain fields.

 

 

Broadly speaking,you are limiting success to a person's prospect of graduation and/ oroccupation, but not success in mastering the subject and scaffoldingsomeone's genuine interests. I would say should a person be incapableof taking up the subject, given the resource constraints, be itinstitutional (as bounded above by funding, quota and classes) oridiosyncratic (as defined y personal commitment, economic reasons orfamilial aspirations, etc.), the scarce resources should be given tosomeone who are most apt, and a person less likely to 'succeed'should be encouraged to take up a field in which s/he is most likelyto succeed. While the definition of success is worthy ofcontemplation, it nevertheless augments our societal welfare andindividual utility to improve the matching of field and person, atleast from an utilitarian perspective.

[pyromania]

Thanks for the helpful input. I will keep working on my writing. Writing an essay on a single topic sentence within 30 minutes is tough.

 

It seems like with the argument essay at least you have a full paragraph or two to tear apart. Anyone else think the issue essay is tougher?

[pyromania]

I should clarify what I meant with the "If someone decides to major in education, graduates, but is notvery interested in teaching children" example. Some people have no idea what they want to major in during college. They may end up just picking something just so they can get their degree. I think there are a good many cases of this in the real world.

 

Dissuading someone from pursuing a field they are extremely interested in could possibly cause to happen.

 

 

One more thing about this essay prompt. Would it be easier to pick a side, or explore both sides?

[Shalom Ichthys]

I should clarify what I meant with the "If someone decides to major in education, graduates, but is notvery interested in teaching children" example. Some people have no idea what they want to major in during college. They may end up just picking something just so they can get their degree. I think there are a good many cases of this in the real world.

 

Dissuading someone from pursuing a field they are extremely interested in could possibly cause to happen.

 

One more thing about this essay prompt. Would it be easier to pick a side, or explore both sides?

 

Thanks for your response. Apologize for my cursory scribbles for I overlooked the ad-hoc spacing. Hope no hurts >.

 

Yes, I admit that someone may have no idea of what to choose during their freshman year, so should they be given a choice to study general subjects before they decide upon the field(s) to pursue in later years? Well, in that sense, they are encouraged to explore, rather than discouraged to pursue a particular field. If something like intrinsic capabilities that thwart or extrinsic constraints or that pervert, then at least they should be well informed of these. The crux is to encourage them to pursue something better for their future, optimistically.

 

For the issues, I would suggest having a stance, arguing for your proposition principally but nevertheless conceding to a lesser extent of the particular circumstances that the opposite side may prevail. After all, you suggest that the pros outweigh the cons to reinforce your stance.