Could you please score my Issue Essay and leave some comments

[nguyenthaihoang]

This is my first time to take the GRE test, so could you please score my practicing writing and leave some comments for me. I really appreciate that.

:distracted:

Q :

As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

A :

The issue of whether relying more and more on technology to solve problems will deteriorate humans’ ability to think for themselves is a controversial one. On the one hand, many argue that people gradually lose their mental ability and social awareness due to overusing the advancement of engineering and technology. On the other hand, some believe that modern technological devices are produced by human, if people don’t use those devices, there won’t be motivation for technological employees, who mostly contribute to social progression. However, in this analysis, my essay will be favoring technology not as a deterioration of thinking capability but as a beneficial tool to develop human’s mind.

Conspicuously, the claim tries to connect people’s reliance on technology with the deficiency of thinking ablity. Because the number of individuals addicting to using modern technology is increasing, it is thought negative that creativity and awareness will be decrease. Technology, without questions, creates more convenient means of working problems out. Let’s take an illustration, in order to perform a primitive calculation, an ordinary person can use a calculator, a computer, or a tablet. Many various choices seem to prevent human from analyzing the problems more deeply, and the existence of hi-tech devices cause such difficulties not to be big deals.

However, the fallacy mentioned above doesn’t indicate that technology restrain human’s ability to think. Technology just offers people an easier and more convenient way to solve problems. In the previous example, a calculator, a computer, or even a tablet assists us to figure out numerical obstacles. A person may have some arithmetic or algebraic equations with the results expressed as a chain of decimal numbers. In this circumstance, the problem can be resolved manually, but it takes a lot of time to do. Technology shorten the amount of time we spend working out a particular obstacle, and for that reason people can save time to think of or to tackle another problem. In stead of noting down and meticulously solving the equation on a piece of paper, the the man in prior example can consume his time to acquire the comprehension about computer technology or to invent some useful mechanical tools.

Moreover, technology itself encourages people to discover the new horizon and brainstorm to explain the way in which technological devices work. One blatant example is the invention of the computer, which plays an crucial role in today society. The first version of the old computer was invented in 1940s, and at that time it contained a lot of flaws. However, that invention stimulated the curiosity of the other scientists and engineers all over the world. Since then, the world beheld consecutive huge steps in developing computers, from the very first enormous to the delicate accurate one as we can see nowadays. Based on studying from the obsolete technology, repairing the errors, and creating the new idea, people can develop computers and use them wisely and effectively.

In conclusion, technology becomes more and more important in aiding of human’s activities. Admittedly, relying too much on technology can cause some negative consequences. However, it can’t be denied that technology not only help people save time but also motivate human’s effort to figure out problems. Therefore, technology should be seen as an effective tool rather than a thing that deteriorate human’s ability to think.