Feed back... please!

[Ashley Shan]

I'd really appreciate if you can give me some feedback... this is my first argument essay.

Question:

Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

 

Response:

While it is unclear whether the “Palean” baskets are unique to the prehistoric village of Palea, the argument does not persuasively connect the discovery of a Palean basket in Lithos to the fact that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean. There are a variety of reasons why a Palean basket could be found in Lithos, and they don’t necessarily challenge the supposed geographical origin of the Palean baskets.

The author noted that Lithos, the ancient village where the Palean basket was found, is across the Brim River from Palea. However, the fact that the Brim River is very deep and broad now does not necessarily mean that it was deep and broad in the time of the Palean culture. The Brim River might be shallow or even non-existent at the time of Palea, and Palean residents might have been able to easily travel across what is now the Brim River. Therefore, the fact that there’s no Palean boats found around the Brim River could well be an evidence that ancient Palean residents did not need boats to travel across the river. The author will have to provide evidence that the Brim River has been in between Lithos and Palea since the time of Palean culture to make the point that it could be a significant obstacle for travel.

Additionally, even though the Brim River has always been deep and broad since the time of the Paleans, the assumption that ancient Paleans would have to cross it by boat is unconvincing. On one hand, the argument provided little information about the geography surrounding Palea and Lithos. If there is a nearby place where the Brim River is shallow and narrow, or if the flow of the river is seasonal, it is likely that the Paleans might be able to travel from Palea to Lithos. Since we do not know how the geographies surrounding Lithos and Palea look like, we can’t eliminate the possibility that ancient Paleans could travel to Lithos without boats.

Finally, even if the Brim River has always been deep and broad and that the Paleans had no other way to reach Lithos except for by boats, the discovery of only one Palean basket in Lithos does not constitute a strong challenge to existing researches about the Palean baskets origin. Given that the majority of Palean baskets are found in Palea and only one in Lithos, which is in the vicinity of Palea, it is well likely that that one basket was dropped into the Brim River and was carried by water to the other side. Unless a significant number of Palean baskets are found outside of the village of Palea, we couldn’t be sure that the discovery of one or two Palean baskets in a certain area indicates the production of Palean baskets in that area too.

Granted, the discovery of Palean baskets outside of the village of Palea might challenge existing beliefs of the origin of this type of basket and shed new light on archeological researches on ancient Palea. However, the connection between one Palean basket’s discovery in Lithos and suspicions about the type of basket’s origin as presented by the author is weak. We will need more background information and further researches to determine if the Palean baskets are unique to Palea.