evaluid Posted July 27, 2014 Share Posted July 27, 2014 I have one week to go for my GRE exam (second attempt).Previous attempt: quant(170), verbal(162), awa (3.0). I am still worried about the writing portion. Please help me out with the evaluation of my issue essay task. I will surely return the favor. Issue Essay Prompt: Every nation should require students to study at least one foreign language from elementary school level through the university level. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position. Response: Studying foreign language in this ever connected world is a pragmatic approach. With business interactions blurring human and geographical boundaries, it is imperative to have at least a rudimentary understanding of each other’s language; however, it is going too far to say that every nation should strictly enforce foreign language into its school curriculum. There are many variables that qualify the scope of the statement, such as: a country’s insufficient financial condition to support foreign language; requirement of individual students, including children with special needs; or the fact that the native language of countries like England and the United States is the main trade processing language in the world, and while the people in these countries might benefit from foreign language introduction, it should by means be an obligation. Building upon the introduction, a country’s social and economic conditions should be considered carefully before reaching any consensus on the presiding issue. Consider the example of a country like Afghanistan, where the inhabitants are so entrenched in their battle with non –governmental actors (terrorists) that to appropriate funds for foreign language would be a foolhardy endeavor; funds, which could be utilized by the government to fight these insurgents and provide the general population with a safer country, a country, which could then appreciate the intellectual benefits of foreign language introduction. Continuing with this point, a case should also be made for some African nations like Somalia, which for all their effort have devolved into anarchy. To appropriate funds for foreign language introduction does not have much merit in such a primitive society. These countries have much bigger problems than teaching foreign language at school level and as such should not be expected to bid by this clearly unnecessary requirement. Moving from one extreme to the other, the United States and Britain are probably the two most developed countries in the world, and by no mere coincidence have native language which is also the accepted international business language. While, the school and college institutions in these countries have full authority to introduce foreign language as part of the curriculum, the residents of these countries would not lose much on the business and economic front if these foreign languages are not introduced. This is in stark contrast to some other developed nations like Sweden and Norway, which have a very advanced and well rounded college and school system. In these countries, even though the standard of living is very high, they have endeavored to make English language an integral part of their curriculum. This development has been caused by the fact that in today’s world English and not Swedish is the main international business language. SO, to keep abreast with the rest of the developed world and to provide its citizens with the best opportunity to compete with native English speaking people, the Swedish and Norwegian governments have made English a compulsory part of the curriculum. The preceding paragraph clearly show that not every country is in the same boat, and came have differing issues with regards to foreign language introduction. Moving away from the country’s perspective as a whole to individual necessity, one could easily make the case that not every child is alike as far as grasping ability is concerned. Brain deformities in children could make it virtually impossible to understand a foreign language. Even with any deformities, each child’s wishes should be respected and foreign language should not be pushed upon him/her. A child wanting to be a football player, or a cancer researcher might benefit from learning a foreign language, but he/she could use that time better to improve upon their field of interest. Study of a foreign language is an advantageous endeavor, but should not be foisted upon everyone without taking into account their needs and limitations. Each country and each child is different and these differences should always be kept in mind while introducing foreign education. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
triscia Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Hi! I've never taken the GRE (I'm preparing for it myself) but I'll try my best to help. Overall, it is well-connected and you start your paragraphs nicely. You are also using GRE vocabulary and have managed to write quite a lot (if you wrote all of that in 30 min I commend you!). However, I do think your introduction should be a little clearer. I think your last sentence should give me a good idea of what I am going to read next, yet even though your explanation was elaborate, the introduction was all but that. Perhaps even dividing the last sentence of the introduction into two would make a difference. Also, you make a few minor errors in terms of style and syntax. I'll try to go over some of those: 1. "Consider the example of a country like Afghanistan where the inhabitants are so entrenched in their battle with non –governmental actors (terrorists) that to appropriate funds for foreign language would be a foolhardy endeavor" a. consider a country like Afg. or Lets take a country as Afghanistan for an example.... "but not consider the example...like" b. your relative pronoun choice is not optimal (gre vocab. haha) it'd be more fluid had you said "Afghanistan whose inhabitants are..." c. syntax mistake -- "so entrenched in their battle with terrorists that it would be a foolhardy to appropriate funds for foreign language studies." 2. "Continuing with this point, a case should also be made for some African nations like Somalia, which for all their effort have devolved into anarchy." It is very difficult to understand this sentence. Try rewriting it -- ex. Many other countries, just like Somalia, to name another example, are crippled by their own anarchy and lack of security that it is difficult to argue that their priorities should be linked to the foreign-language courses. This is just an example, you don't have to write it this way, but your sentence was difficult to understand at first (which is a problem as I'm sure they read these essays very quickly). 3. "college and school system" sounds strange, try "education system" or "system of both basic and higher education" 4. check your tenses! "This development has been caused by the fact that..." this development is due to or is caused by not "has been" Your last body paragraph isn't that well developed, you can tell you rushed it so I'd tell you to skip it when you don't have a lot of time rather than write hastily but it's your choice. 5. it's "the study of a foreign language" -- articles! Overall, I think your vocabulary is great and it is well developed but you do have some issues with sentence structures and not all of your body paragraphs are well-explained. Because of that, I think you'd get something between a 3 and a 4 but I tend to be overly critical so please don't get offended. I think I'd like for people reviewing my essays to be as critical as possible so that I can improve quickly and I'm trying to do the same for you. I wish you lots of luck with your GRE exam! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evaluid Posted August 27, 2014 Author Share Posted August 27, 2014 Hey, Thank you so much for the analysis. Unfortunately, I didn't improve much this time either (q:170, v:160, awa :3.5). Anyways, I appreciate such an elaborate reply and will try to work on the issues you mentioned for my TOEFL essay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
triscia Posted August 29, 2014 Share Posted August 29, 2014 Wow you're really good in math! I have the opposite problem :( Depending on what graduate program you are applying this could be really good! Congrats! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xatutuik Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Evaluid, I really like your essay and the vocabulary you've used. And frankly I' afraid, if you got 3.5 with this essay, than I will definitely fail with the ones I'm writing now. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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