Please Review my Issue essay and give pointers along with a GRE score (1-4)

[chase1992]

Issue:

Some people believe it is imperative for individuals living in developed nations to reduce their energy consumption and lead a more sustainable lifestyle, given the evidence for global climate chafe. Others believe that such drastic lifestyle changes are unwarranted, based on the existing evidence for global climate change.

 

Directions:

Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. in developing and supporting you position, you should address both of the views presented.

 

Essay:

 

It is imperative that individuals living in developed nations reduce their energy consumption and lead a more sustainable lifestyle for many reasons. Some of these reasons include; the global climate change, depletion of natural resources, and the increasing temperature of the earth.

 

 

Energy use has a great affect on the global climate change by reducing the o-zone layer. The o-zone layer protects us from the extereme radiation and other harmful rays that the sun products.The use of energy leads to waste byproducts that pose negative affects on the o-zone layer. If there continues to be an increase in energy use this will lead to the destruction of the o-zone layer resultin in exposure to harmful rays.

 

 

Developed nations have access to vast amount of energy and the individuals in these nations are abusing this energy. Some forms of energy like fossil fuels are limited and need to have limitations on their use. The individuals using this energy is using abusing it and constantly using to much. The enegry use in developing nations has been increasing over the years and needs it needs to slow down before we run out. If we run out of our non-renwable resources that provide us with energy we will be at a stand still beceause the technology to produce energy from renewable resources in unavaliable.

 

 

The temperature of the earth is increasing at a drastic rate and this is linked to the increased use of energy. The use of energy gives off heat that increases the temperature of the earth this results in the mealting of ice caps around the world. If the ice caps continue to melt this will cause flooding in areas all around the world. This flooding will endanger large amounts of both humans and animals.

 

 

If developing nations don't lead a more sustainable lifestyle and reduce their energy use, there could be numerous negative affects. These negative affects will reduce the o-zone layer, burn all non-renuable rescources, and increase the temperature of the earth. This will put not only the lives of animals at risk but also the lives of humans. We need to start decreasing energy use now before its to late.

[conscientious]

I think you had three good points on different ways lack of change will cause massive harm, and the tone is rightfully urgent. To improve this argument, I would (a) form an original thesis rather than restate the given one; (b) expand on points more; and © review it for grammar and spelling errors. Because of those gaps, I'd say this argument is at a score of 3.