Jump to content
Urch Forums

Request you to give feedback on my issue writing


Recommended Posts

Topic - The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition.

 

My Writeup -

Cooperation is an act of working together to achieve the common goal and competition is striving to be better than other in achieving a goal And though competition is very important at each step of life to bring forward the best of people, cooperation is a more important leadership skill that I would insist for leaders in government, industry or society

Competition is good at school level where you try to be better than your peers but it might harm child when he grows up, as he will face difficulty in interacting with people. Firstly, A good leader is one who is open to ideas. He is open to suggestion from others. He listens to others before making decisions. Take for example a leader sitting in Public welfare department, If he thinks that he is superior to others and doesn't listen to juniors this will not turn out to be best for overall development of an area.

Secondly good leader strives for best. He leaves asides personal grudges and works together with friends and enemies to achieve common goal. A best example of leaders who are also competitors are software giants Google, Mircrosoft, Facebook. When US government was trying to spy on people or were not trying to reform immigration laws, leaders of companies like Google, Microsoft, Facebook who are competitors came together to fight as one.

Thirdly good leaders define long term goals for themselves. They are vocally self critical and do not take short cuts for short term profits. It might be tempting to make a move against your competitor but a good leader stays focused on long term goals. A good example of this is Amazon.com CEO Jeff Bezos, who has been consistent from day one about his goal of being customer centric company.

That said competition is a natural thing that will develop with or without encouragement. Competition comes by easy, what's is difficult to learn is cooperation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi there! I think you developed some interesting points but there are a few things you could improve:

1. try writing diverse sentences -- don't always provide an example by saying the word "a good example is...". Also every time you have a superlative (the best, the biggest, the smallest, the loneliest) you always have THE :) Also, remember 3rd person singular in present simple requires an S (a good leader strives for the best would be correct)! I already gave this advice to someone on this blog but I'll say it again, if you feel your grammar is keeping your score down, tackle your grammar first, then start practicing for GRE. There are many free websites that offer great grammar exercises, perhaps you should try it! Good luck with everything!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...