Review my issue, I'll review yours

[stirlingb12]

Claim: Even though young people often receive the advice to “follow your dreams,” more emphasis should be placed on picking worthy goals.

Reason: Many people’s dreams are inherently selfish.

 

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim AND the reason on which that claim is based.

 

 

 

Life is like map with missing pieces, which is confusing for trying to follow the "correct" destination. People will try to fill in blanks of this map by plugging in goals, but following dreams is just as important. People should follow their dreams, and having selfish dreams does not matter for the overall purpose of achieving dreams or goals.

 

 

Life is usually not as simple as choosing one avenue over another. Often roads intersect or disperse, connect at a same or different destinations. In relation to the claim and reason, dreams and goals are intertwined and are not mutually exclusive. Dreams can quite possibly give rise to goals. A young child could have a dream of one day walking on the moon, so he/she shapes his/her life with daily goals such as picking certain classes or majors, attending a university with a well-established astronaut program, in order to achieve this dream. While this dream may be considered selfish, it does not discount the effort he/she makes in making short-term and long-term goals for himself/herself. And, it does not mean he/she will not make an important contribution to the world.

 

 

Making a great impact is just one of many reasons why people may have a certain dream or goal. While many people's dreams could be inherently selfish, they could also be unselfish. As with dreams, goals could also be selfish or unselfish. The reason for the claim, that young people should be told with more emphasis on placing worthy goals than following their dreams, thus has no logical basis. People may donate to charity or help out at a local soup kitchen because it makes them feel better about themselves. This can be viewed by some as selfish, but it is making an important contribution for the betterment of society. Therefore, people should still follow their dreams and should not worry about whether or not they are selfish dreams or not.

 

 

While following dreams is a vital piece at achieving success, goals are important as well. Sometimes dreams can be unrealistic, such as a child dreaming of one day becoming a president. The likelihood of that ever happening is extremely minuscule, perhaps close to the chance of winning the lottery. However, having this dream can often give rise to other dreams and goals. Maybe the child began dreaming of becoming a president, but then he/she realized that he/she has other interests as well as mold his/her life with goals to attain this new dream. Thus, goals are still important for children to follow, but they should not be placed with more emphasis than dreams.

 

 

Children should not be told to place more emphasis on picking goals than dreams, and the reason that dreams are selfish does not justify the claim.

[triscia]

Hi again! I liked the first essay I read from you better, but this one's okay too. You have many examples, which is great and you are using some GRE words so kudos there! I really like your introduction and how well connected it is with the first paragraph! However, I think that your first two sentences of the second body paragraph could be merged into one, also in order to clarify them....I understood what you wanted to say only after I read the example, so I'd fix that a little bit. I'd elaborate a bit more on the conclusion (I think you need a stronger conclusion on this one, compared to the argument analysis). Overall I'd give you 4-4.5.

[stirlingb12]

Thank triscia! Let me know if I can critique one of yours. My conclusion could definitely be better. I ran out of time. I've heard that it's better to have a one sentence conclusion restating a thesis than none at all. You're other suggestions are definitely helpful.