sammy1405 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Hello everyone, This is my first post here. I'm in need of a genuine feedback for the essay below. It will be great if you can assign a number to my essay as well (on a scale of 0-6). Thank you. (Note: I referred to several other websites while composing this essay. I wanted to get a clear idea on how to proceed, given a topic and task) Essay topic: In any field of endeavor, it is impossible to make a significant contribution without first being strongly influenced by past achievements within that field. Task: Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position. My essay:- Some of the greatest breakthroughs in history were greatly influenced by past achievements. While this may not always be the case, there are advancements in various fields which do not build on existing foundations, which clearly means significant contributions can be made without being influenced by past works in a field. Nicolaus Copernicus defied tradition and challenged the proponents of the geocentric theory with his groundbreaking heliocentric model. At that time, the geocentric theory, which was proposed by Ptolemy, was considered to be the ultimate dogma. By relying on exhaustive calculations and keen observation skills, Copernicus was able to refute the age-old belief that Earth was at the center. Even though the Copernican theory made sense, the church and the scientific community did not accept it for many centuries. With the formulation of Newton’s law of gravitation was the theory widely accepted among scientists. Similar to Copernicus’ breakthrough in science, James Pollock’s seminal works paved way for a new style of painting called ‘action painting’. Uninfluenced by the conventional portrait or landscape paintings, this style remains to be unique. His most famous works make use of a method called ‘drip painting’, which is a form of abstract art in which paint is dripped or poured on a canvas. His works were not very famous in early years but gained prominence later. Erik Satie, an eminent pianist, was also one such personality whose works were different from those of his predecessors. His work was a precursor to artistic movements such as ‘minimalism’ and ‘repetitive music’. Even though he was not as famous as his contemporaries, his unique musical genre was recognized much later after his death. Although the examples stated above represent original ideas that did not build on past achievements, there have been contributions which were influenced by earlier works. For example, the Crick-Watson’s DNA model was based on the X-ray diffraction photographs of DNA, captured by Rosalind Franklin. They were able to deduce that the structure of DNA had to be double-helix and not single stranded as they thought it to be. This discovery had won them the coveted Nobel prize. Another example would be the contribution of Steve Jobs to the design of Apple products with stylistic fonts. Even the famous composer and pianist Chopin was influenced by Mozart and J.S.Bach. The list can go on. In conclusion, past achievements may influence and lead to innovations in a particular field. But there are also radical scientists and artists (as seen in the examples above) who went against the cherished values of society to come up with newer ideas the world could not comprehend of. Hence the statement does not always hold true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cassidyjane Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I would give this essay a 4. You have a lot of different examples, but you could connect them better to your thesis--state explicitly why they support your argument rather than relying on their simple existence as examples to make the argument for you. Your vocabulary and use of language, sentence structure, etc. is quite effective. You also organized the argument very coherently, it would just be more effective if you wrote more explicitly how your examples support your thesis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammy1405 Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 Thank you so much cassidyjane :) I'll improve on the points you have stated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cassidyjane Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 No problem! could you also look mine over? http://www.www.urch.com/forums/gre-analysis-issue/155666-please-score-critique-my-issue-analysis.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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