Please review it

[ruchia]

93. "National governments should devote more of their social programs and services to children than to adults."

Children and adults are equally important sections of our society. Admittedly, Children are future of our society. Their development is very important for the progress of our society. Nevertheless, adults are presently working towards its development. If something goes wrong in the present, the future would not be secured. Hence, in my opinion, the government should devote programs for benefit of both the sections of the society.

Education is very important for the proper development of our youth today. Government is focusing on many educational programs. Many countries are working towards this issue and have brought about an educational reform in the system. Many governments provide full time scholarship to outstanding performers. There are social programs like CRY and CHILD that take care of the education and medical needs of the children. All the efforts of the government are commendable and hence, will prove to be beneficial to the children of the society. The government makes all these efforts for the growth of the society. Hence, the governments should not forget the adults. The issues related to them should also be given equal attention. Also, it should reciprocate for the contributions of the adults towards the nation.

Health care is one such important issue. The government should focus on programs that promote the general well being of the society. It should provide grants to the research institutes that focus on the health care. If the health of the adults of a country is not good, it might pose as an obstacle in the growth of the economy.

Similarly, employment is another important issue that governments of a country should pay attention to. The government should promote programs on generating new jobs for its adults. Perhaps, when the children grow up, they do not find enough jobs for themselves. Other benefits like tax compensation for the elderly and rewards for the military personnel should also be given due attention. They are people who have served the nation.

Hence for a balanced growth of the society, the national governments should devote programs for each section of the society. Just like all the organs of a body should be taken care of properly, all the sections of the society should be attended for the society to flourish as a whole.

[samarfadl]

hi ruchia!

i read your essay and i have the following comments:

the essay in genral is good, with good introduction, and good structure.

There are social programs like CRY and CHILD that take care of the education and medical needs of the children.

in case of citing some organizations or institutions, i prefer to mention the full name of the organization at first then you can add the abbreviation of that org.

If the health of the adults of a country is not good, it might pose as an obstacle in the growth of the economy.

Perhaps, when the children grow up, they do not find enough jobs for themselves.

i feel that these two sentences need to be rearranged.
sorry, i couldn't think of good sentences to help you with, bcs in fact i'm sleepy. it is 2:20 in the morning

the essay is a little bit short, i do feel that it is comprehensive, but some students in this forum assert that the essay must not be less than 400 words.

in general your essay is very good and cmoprehensive.

see you soon ruchia.
good job

[maple_leaf]

• Unhealthy adults would not be able to make contribution to the socio-economic development of the country.
• Otherwise the unemployment rate will be soaring high.

I tried to re-arrange those two sentences.
The essay is good. But I think you need some more points. I can't think of good points right now ( just came back from work and I'm dead tired). I will try to put up some additional points later tonight.