# 64. Thanks for the comments, esp. to Meggieski and Yunpingjian.

[Hauser]

I wrote this essay thinking about your comments. As Yunpingjian suggested, I tried to make it clear with my pro/con status. Also, as you, Meggieski, recommended, I tried to make it simple. I hope that this essay is improved than the one I wrote before. At the very least, regardless of the result, I hope that I coudl improve my writing skills through this process. Thanks, everyone, for your feedback and hope you have a nice weekend!

• "Many people know how to attain success, but few know how to make the best use of it."

The author states that compare to the number of people that achieved success, there are few people know what to do with it. I agree with the statement because for one to achieve success, he/she needs to be mature enough to answer to the more profound question of “What’s next?” Otherwise, he will not be content with his success, and before making out anything from it, he will look for another level of success. Very few people have this insight and maturity to benefit from their success.

First, if we look at a fame which is considered to be an indicator of success, it is not difficult to find stories about the tragic ending of the celebrities in the world. For instance, we encounter stories about many Hollywood stars who suffer from drug abuse, divorce, eating disorder or even bankruptcy. Because they were not able to find further meaning from the fame they achieved, they were not able to enjoy what they accomplished and had to resort to something else that resulted in the problems of mental health or finance.

Another success indicator can be wealth. One of the good examples can be the analysis of the life of first prize lottery winners. Many studies compared before and after life of these winners. Interestingly, most of the winners were leading a life that was worse than they did not win the lottery. Many of the winners became addicted to drugs or gambling, divorced or went bankruptcy that made them even poorer before they won the lottery. This is another example of how people are poor at appreciating their success.

Out of myriads of these people with fame and money, one of the few people that show how they are making most of what they have include Audrey Hapburn and Bill Gates. After resigning as an actress, Audrey Hapburn spent the rest of her life on helping poor children in the third world. Bill Gates declared to spend his life at his philanthropic foundation helping the poor after his resignation from Microsoft. Not only they did not have the aforementioned problems, but also they found permanent meaning in their life through such activities.

In sum, I agree with the statement that a significant number of people know how to achieve success but only a few of people know how to use it. As long as one is goal driven and diligent, transitory success may come at hand but to enjoy the success, one must be able to find and add meaning to it.

[ruchia]

Hey... overall good essay...
here are some points...
1) add some more points.. it is a short essay
2) you define success as wealth and fame... what about success for a student, scientist?
3) in your fourth para - you define 'best use of success' as helping poor children.. is this the only possible use of success.. for some success can be used to attain more success..

I hope you take my comments positively..

keep writing..

Ruchi

[Hauser]

Thanks, ruchia. I definitely appreciate your comments. It helps me to know what I need to improve. =)

[mystic87]

hey Hauser, keep working on those essays. It gets better with lots of practice! one common mistake people make is the use of myriad. it should never be used in "myriad of" because it is not a noun. So if you want to use it to describe abundant/a variety of people say "myriad people". Another thing to keep in mind is the use of "one does so and so.." With the use of one there is no specific gender. Therefore, if you must mention gender you have to say "he or she". Never simply assume "he" as you did in the first paragraph.

these are just technical problems that lots of people make in writing. Once you know it, you'll never make the same mistake again. =)

[Hauser]

thanks mystic87 for your encouragement and invaluable points. These feedbacks I've been getting here has been helpful. Believe it or not, I've been consistently writing essays in my dream for the past few days. I hope that my unconscious world can let go of this anxiety, as I improve.