I would appreciate anyone rating my issue essay

[Icelander]

Hello.

I'm taking the General GRE next saturday, and am now preparing for the Analytical Writing section. I just finished my first practice essay and would appreciate any and all comments on it.

The issue is: "Most of the people we consider heroic today were, in fact, very ordinary people who happened to be in the right place at the right time."

Note: I'm taking a paper based test, so keep that in mind regarding the length of the passage.

My essay:

The speaker acknowledges one requirement for heroism - namely being in the right place at the right time - but leaves out the most important one: doing the right thing. Therefore I do not agree with the issue; it is only a half-truth.

By defining "the right place at the right time" we might come to the conclusion that it happens all the time, all over the world. As a result, many people are regularly exposed to these circumstances that allow for heroism to take place. However, only a tiny fraction of those people are revered as heroes for their actions in these circumstances. Thus, we would assume that there is a third factor; not just time and place.

That factor is: Doing the right thing. Whether it might be risking one's life by rushing into a burning building to save someone inside, or performing extraordinary feats of strength by lifting a car to free the driver trapped underneath, heroism requires doing the right thing at the time. It requires selflessness; a trait that is not necessarily inherent in "ordinary people".

Furthermore, heroism seldomly occurs in a vacuum. Most often other people are involved, without whom heroism might not have occurred. People such as rescue planners and other volunteers come into mind.

In the final analysis, I have revealed that heroism does in fact require more than circumstances; it requires the person in question to take the correct course of action as well. We all happen to be in the right place at the right time sometimes, but only the true heroes have the necessary qualities to recognize the needed action and to actually take it.

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I'm not super happy with it, but it's a start. Any thoughts?

[omnara]

Okay. I would write on, then I would comment on yours.

Most of the people we consider heroic today were, in fact, very ordinary people who happened to be in the right place at the right time."

"I could see a little further because I stood on the shoulders of Giants who went before me"
Sir Issaac Newton.

The history of humans has been that of struggles. During the iron and bronze ages, humans struggled to sustain their life against the perilous beasts. During the agrarian ages, they struggled against forces of nature like flood and rain. Now, despite the scientific technologies that make our lives much easier, we struggle against the consequences of our own deeds that unbalanced the equilibrium of nature like global warming.

If we examine the annals of history, we can easily distinguish the forerunners of any revolution. So is the case of any innovation with far reaching consequence in this history of humans. Voltaire and Russo led the thought process which sparkled the French revolution. Luis Pasture invented the concept of pathogens and vaccination which laid the foundations of modern medicines. There are countless physicists like Coppernikus who sacrificed their lives for principles which later had life changing implications for the human society. And there is Albert Einstein whose theories, expostulated almost 75 years before, were capable of furthering the state of science to a level a common man cannot presume to fathom even now.

Naturally, the question comes to mind is what is so special about these people? What did they have, that made them capable of doing things impossible for an ordinary man? The only answer to these questions is that there is such a hero in everyone's mind. The manifestations of the hero within is different in individuals. For some, it is the perseverance, for some others it is physical strength and yet in some other individuals, it is clarity of thought. Anybody can bring out the hero within oneself by exercising enough will power. Thomas Edison is reported to fail more than 900 times before he found out tungston filament for incandescent lamps -- a long way past the threshold an ordinary individual would have stopped trying.

The heroes, whom we revere today are such persons, who through relentless exertion of their indomitable wills furthered their areas of expertise. Of course, they have used every bit of existing knowledge to further theirs. But chance, or being at the right place at right time, as a famous character once quoted "is ninety nine percent sweat and one percent brain".