Rate my essay and I'll rate yours!

[Murasaki]

Hi there! I'm have two weeks left and is still looking for an partner to exchange essays. Please PM if interested.

Please rate and critique my essay below please! And I'll be happy to return the favor!!

The following appeared in a memo from the new vice president of Sartorian, a company that manufactures men's clothing.


"Five years ago, at a time when we had difficulties in obtaining reliable supplies of high quality wool fabric, we discontinued production of our alpaca overcoat. Now that we have a new fabric supplier, we should resume production. This coat should sell very well: since we have not offered an alpaca overcoat for five years and since our major competitor no longer makes an alpaca overcoat, there will be pent-up customer demand. Also, since the price of most types of clothing has increased in each of the past five years, customers should be willing to pay significantly higher prices for alpaca overcoats than they did five years ago, and our company profits will increase."


Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.




Argument Essay

When a product that has not been manufactured for years suddenly is in existence again, it seems logical to believe that consumers will have a high demand for this product. But ultimately what decides this supply and demand is entirely on the behalf of the population but Sartorian company does not realize this to a great extent regarding their alpaca overcoat. The passage ignores several critical assumptions that would have made the argument more logically convincing.

First, the author erroneously believe that the current population will express the same desire to the alpaca overcoats like in the past without further analysis thus, falling the trap of a fallacy. The author does not evaluate how what has changed from five years ago to the present, to be able to specify satisfy what present day consumers want from retail. Over the course of five years, fashion styles may have possibly changed so the style of purchasing alpaca coats may have faded away already. In this case, Sartorian will not be met with its increased profits but rather, a financial burden.

Furthermore, the passage fails to include evidence of any source on specifically why they expect customers will pay higher prices on the coats, thus concluding on a false belief that company profits will increase. Without the presence of calculated data or information, there is no guarantee that customers will adhere to this belief. Also, the author rashly assumes that profits will increase because the pricetag on the alpaca overcoat will increase, however, the alpaca overcoat may be one of the exceptions that do not increase in price since the passage states that most types of clothing increased in price, not specifically all types of clothing.

Finally, the passage does not take into account further evaluation of their competitor. Sartorian company assumes that their own line of coats will be even more in demand now that their competitor has ceased its production; however, it is not stated as to specifically why the other company no longer produces this product such as adaptation to public demand. The other company could have very well stopped manufacturing coats because they are no longer in demand by the public and thus they will be avoiding spending a source of their revenue on producing products that will not sell. Also, the author does not include the location of its competitor nor what kind of consumers they are aiming at. For example, if Sartorian's major competitor is located in a different city, they cater their products to a completely different line of customers, so this will have no effect on Sartorian's own population. Moreover, Satorian specializes in making men's alpaca overcoats, it could be possible that their competitor manufactured coats for a different aspect of the society, such as for women or children.

In conclusion, these specific details were not explored in adequate depth by Sartorian to logically make the conclusion that remaking the overcoats will be a financial success. The passage would be strengthen if the author included specific details about the demographics of Sanrtorian's population as well as a deeper analysis of their competitor.



Was it too short? Also, I don't think I address the how lack of evidence weaken argument and vice versa. Please critique and rate my essay and I'll be happy to do the same!

[Kushagra Juneja]

[QUOTE=Murasaki;917362]Hi there! I'm have two weeks left and is still looking for an partner to exchange essays. Please PM if interested.

Please rate and critique my essay below please! And I'll be happy to return the favor!!

The following appeared in a memo from the new vice president of Sartorian, a company that manufactures men's clothing.


"Five years ago, at a time when we had difficulties in obtaining reliable supplies of high quality wool fabric, we discontinued production of our alpaca overcoat. Now that we have a new fabric supplier, we should resume production. This coat should sell very well: since we have not offered an alpaca overcoat for five years and since our major competitor no longer makes an alpaca overcoat, there will be pent-up customer demand. Also, since the price of most types of clothing has increased in each of the past five years, customers should be willing to pay significantly higher prices for alpaca overcoats than they did five years ago, and our company profits will increase."


Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.




Argument Essay

When a product that has not been manufactured for years suddenly is in existence again (improve sentence phrasing "for years, is suddenly in existence again"), it seems logical to believe that consumers will have a high demand for this product. But(,) ultimately what decides this supply and demand is entirely on (the - remove) behalf of the population (intent unclear - behalf is not the apt word) but Sartorian company does not realize this to a great extent regarding their alpaca overcoat. The passage ignores several critical assumptions that would have made the argument more logically convincing.

First, the author erroneously believe(s) that the current population will express the same desire to (purchase/ buy) the alpaca overcoats like in the past without further analysis (generally such matters have a thought behind them and not an analysis) thus, falling the trap of a fallacy. The author does not evaluate (how - remove) what (how what??) has changed (from) (since or in) five years (ago to the present- remove), to be able to specif(y) (specifically) satisfy what present day consumers want from retail. Over the course of five years, fashion styles may have possibly changed(,) so the style of purchasing alpaca coats may have faded away already. In this case, Sartorian will not be met with its increased profits but rather, a financial burden. (Looks like the author has made serious attempts to use difficult words, please avoid this. Make it simple and limpid)

Furthermore, the passage fails to include evidence of any source on specifically why they expect customers will pay higher prices on the coats, thus concluding on a false belief that company profits will increase(Shorten sentences, such large sentences lose clarity). Without the presence of calculated data or information, there is no guarantee that customers will adhere to this belief. Also, the author rashly assumes that profits will increase because the price(-)tag on the alpaca overcoat will increase, however, the alpaca overcoat may be one of the exceptions that do not increase in price since the passage states that most types of clothing increased in price, not specifically all types of clothing.(not a convincing argument)

Finally, the passage does not take into account further evaluation of their competitor. Sartorian company assumes that their own line of coats will be even more in demand now that their competitor has ceased its production; however, it is not stated as to specifically why the other company no longer produces this product such as adaptation to public demand. The other company could have very well stopped manufacturing coats because they are no longer in demand by the public and thus they will(would) be avoiding spending a source of their revenue on producing products that will not sell. Also, the author does not include the location of its competitor nor what kind of consumers they are aiming at. For example, if Sartorian's major competitor is located in a different city, they cater their products to a completely different line of customers, so this will have no effect on Sartorian's own population.(If the locations are different, it could not be called a competitor, please rethink) Moreover, Satorian specializes in making men's alpaca overcoats, it could be possible that their competitor manufactured coats for a different aspect of the society, such as for women or children. (Good reasoning noted, but needs better phrasing)

In conclusion, these specific details were not explored in adequate depth by Sartorian to logically make the conclusion that remaking the overcoats will be a financial success. The passage would be strengthen if the author included specific details about the demographics of Sanrtorian's population as well as a deeper analysis of their competitor.

"I have included my review in brackets and otherwise, as necessary. Also, I think, you should cite more examples. If you think this helped, you can send me more, if you wish, on me_kushagra@yahoo.co.in) (Also try sending essays in word files, as Word has a review tracker option and makes it easier) (I would rate your essay a 3 on 6). Wish you all the luck. Do well.