2009 March 13th, 03:19 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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I JUST got here.
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 7
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my first essay
hello, pleace suggest me something to improve my essay...*
image with graphs.. ImageShack - Image Hosting :: workers.jpg The graphs produced bellow we can see quantity peoples in full and part-time employment in Australia during period between 1973 and 1993 years.* On whole time males prefered work in full-time nearly 100%, but in 1973 quantity of older worker males was been most than in 1993 with difference around 10 persents. If it to compare with full-time womans it wold be very differently, because thay prefered work in part-time. However in 1993 most percent females on that type of work sufficient dip to 20% between 15-20 years old maintained in that level and than rose to sharply 35% in 35-19 years. When in 1973 a yang womans will be prefer employment full-time a tiny bit more than 50% at 20 years than it want down year by year, but merely little than 10% choose a part-time it's growing up to 20% in 35-39 years and the next time decreased.Not a full-time males workers slump from merely 22% to 5% in periog between 15-25 in 1993 and from 7% to 3% between 15-25% in 1973 than declined in period 25-40 years to 5% and 1% consistently.* In conclusion we can mark, what ripe males prefer will be full-time workers than womans in whole life time period. |
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2009 March 15th, 06:46 AM
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#2 (permalink) |
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I JUST got here.
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 4
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I think this site may help you:
FREE Writing Assessment » free-IELTS-download.com |
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2009 March 16th, 12:06 PM
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#3 (permalink) |
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IELTS writing help site
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Sunshine Coast, Australia
Posts: 18
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You would get a 4.5 for this. You could rewrite it like this:
The graphs depict the number of people in full and part-time employment in Australia during a period between the years 1973 and 1993 . On the whole, males prefered to work full-time at nearly 100%, however, in 1973 the number of older working males was markedly higher than in 1993 with a difference of around 10 percent... You have the right vocabulary and the right ideas, but the grammar is letting you down. You should be studying at school in your city. They will help you build up your grammar. Good luck. Regards, Mike ielts2u - an IELTS writing help site |
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