Can anybody please read my essay and give me comments

[siminre]

Tourism is becoming increasingly as a source of revenue to many countries but its disadvantages should not be overlooked.

Faster planes and flights are making it easier for people to travel more than before. Tourism could be a source of revenue for some countries. Although, it is beneficial, it has some disadvantages, too.

Firstly, people who travel a lot as a tourist are in danger of being in contact with so many viruses that affect their health. It is not only make them badly sick but also cause a huge outbreak, once they return to their hometown. I remember several years ago, which a great number of people suffered and also died due to a new, unknown virus named SARS that began in China. It spread quickly in Canada as people who have spent some time in that country came back to Toronto.

Another problem is the increasing of crime rate. Tourists, who are interested to visit the attractive locations in an unfamiliar territory, will carry some valuable items such as cameras, jewelry and cash as well. This makes them an easy prey since they are not familiar with the rules of that society.

Besides, the more tourists in some countries, the more serious concern will exist for the government related to the environment. Most of the historical buildings are in danger of being destroyed because of too many visitors. For example, Iran’s Chehel Stoon located in Isfahan, was closed for a while since it was very dangerous to be visited by people.

Overall, tourism industry could be very beneficial for some developing countries. However, it should not be expanded rapidly as its disadvantages outnumber its advantages.

[rahat0142]

I think you should also add some preventive measure to ensure safety for the tourists in the tourists popular landscape as tourism brings a lot of foreign currency anf employment to any country.

[backup]

I think your essay is fine, for me I can't mark it not that professional yet but it seems like a 6 or higher to me. The thing disturb me about your essay is that the conclusion, you could say something like that because of the reasons above it is clear that the disadvantages of tourism is more than its benefits. There is no example or any knowledge about tourisms benefits maybe you should keep your conclusion and add a paragraph for its benefits.

[toj1980]

Originally Posted by siminre

Tourism is becoming increasingly as a source of revenue to many countries but its disadvantages should not be overlooked.

Faster planes and flights are making it easier for people to travel more than before. Tourism could be a source of revenue for some countries. Although, it is beneficial, it has some disadvantages, too.

Firstly, people who travel a lot as a tourist are in danger of being in contact with so many viruses that affect their health. It is not only make them badly sick but also cause a huge outbreak, once they return to their hometown. I remember several years ago, which a great number of people suffered and also died due to a new, unknown virus named SARS that began in China. It spread quickly in Canada as people who have spent some time in that country came back to Toronto.

Another problem is the increasing of crime rate. Tourists, who are interested to visit the attractive locations in an unfamiliar territory, will carry some valuable items such as cameras, jewelry and cash as well. This makes them an easy prey since they are not familiar with the rules of that society.

Besides, the more tourists in some countries, the more serious concern will exist for the government related to the environment. Most of the historical buildings are in danger of being destroyed because of too many visitors. For example, Iran’s Chehel Stoon located in Isfahan, was closed for a while since it was very dangerous to be visited by people.

Overall, tourism industry could be very beneficial for some developing countries. However, it should not be expanded rapidly as its disadvantages outnumber its advantages.

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[IELTS teacher]

Originally Posted by siminre

Tourism is becoming increasingly as a source of revenue to many countries but its disadvantages should not be overlooked.

Faster planes and flights are making it easier for people to travel more than before. Tourism could be a source of revenue for some countries. Although, it is beneficial, it has some disadvantages, too. Firstly, people who travel a lot as a tourist are in danger of being in contact with so many viruses that affect their health. It is not only make them badly sick but also cause a huge outbreak, once they return to their hometown. I remember several years ago, which a great number of people suffered and also died due to a new, unknown virus named SARS that began in China. It spread quickly in Canada as people who have spent some time in that country came back to Toronto.

Another problem is the increasing of crime rate. Tourists, who are interested to visit the attractive locations in an unfamiliar territory, will carry some valuable items such as cameras, jewelry and cash as well. This makes them an easy prey since they are not familiar with the rules of that society. Besides, the more tourists in some countries, the more serious concern will exist for the government related to the environment. Most of the historical buildings are in danger of being destroyed because of too many visitors. For example, Iran’s Chehel Stoon located in Isfahan, was closed for a while since it was very dangerous to be visited by people.

Overall, tourism industry could be very beneficial for some developing countries. However, it should not be expanded rapidly as its disadvantages outnumber its advantages.

Hi Simre,

I'm an IELTS teacher in Toronto, and can give you some feedback:

Your essay is clear, well organized and easy to read. The spelling is good and you have some nice vocabulary. You have a clear intro and conclusion. You also used a personal example, which is good.

Some errors:
1. source of revenue to many countries ---> source of revenue FOR many countries
2. Faster planes and flights --> do you mean faster planes and shorter flights?
3. Tourism could be a source of revenue --> Too weak. Tourism is an important source of revenue for many countries.
3. Although, it is beneficial --> No comma after 'although'
4. People who travel a lot as a tourist --> People who travel a lot as tourists
5. It is not only make them badly sick --> These viruses can not only make them very sick, but can cause a serious outbreak. [use reference words like 'these', 'this', 'that', 'those' etc]
6. I remember several years ago which --> I remember several years ago when...

etc.

I am an IELTS teacher, and give complete, professional feedback on IELTS essays - in all four criteria: Task Achievement, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammar Range & Accuracy. I charge $10 per essay. Satisfaction guaranteed. I also conduct online speaking practice tests and give feedback. Message me if you are interested.

Good luck with your IELTS test!