Pls rate my essay&give some advice...

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We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, crime detection and even to fly planes. What things will they be used for in future? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

In the present era, technological developments made people attached to these devices, such as computers, cell phones, televisions, this rise to that level which people can not think a life without them. For a half-century with the founding of computers, there has been radical change at the world, the computers are used in everywhere one can think about. For instance, personal cars, rockets which sent to moon by NASA, robots, cell phones, as personal devicces for communication, all these technological devices have made with computers attache them, simple or complicated, in order to develop their technologies. As a result, there was an argument that people have becoming significantly depent on computers, therefore some people look this dependence suspiciously, some disagree with this idea.
Firstly, the new technologies have been developing by people since the human life begins, as a result of that this process will never stop, thus the computers will be used at so many area at the future too. The robots will develop more and this will be the main area computers using at the future, the scientists already made some prototypes for cyborgs-robots which looks like humans-. There will be flying cars, even humans with some machines which will made with computers.
Secondly, like mentioned above there has been always developments in human history, such as industrial development, it would be silly to say that the dependence on machines are increasing so fast. In my opinion, computers are gained people’s life so much and they helped development in all industries.
In conclusion, I would agree with people who think dependence on computers a good thing and they will be used at so many area at the near future.

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I know its pretty bad and I try to develop my writing as much as I can but it is so hard for me. At the other parts of exam I can reach almost 7, im not sure about speaking but at writing I'm a disaster I'm not even sure that will I be able to get 5.5 Well, I read so many advices on net and stuided grammar try to enrich my vocabulary but I still need advice desperately. So pls tell me to what to do with my writing because I have to take IELTS at August 22th. I assumed that it would develop until this date but didn't.

[nativeSpeaker]

I AM GOING TO EDIT YOUR RESPONSE. MY CHANGES ARE IN CAPS. [] MEANS I DELETED TEXT.

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers. They are used in business, crime detection and even to fly planes (YOU MIGHT SAY "AVIATION".). What things will they be used for in future (IN THE US, WE SAY "IN THE FUTURE." "IN FUTURE" IS FINE IF YOU HAVE A UK AUDIENCE)? Is this dependence on computers a good thing or should we be more suspicious of their benefits?

In the present era, technological developments HAVE made people attached to [] devices such as computers, cell phones, AND televisions, TO SUCH AN EXTENT THAT people can not think OF life without them. For a half-century with the ADVENT of computers, there has been radical change IN the world. Computers are used [] everywhere one can think OF, INCLUDING personal cars, rockets [] sent to THE moon by NASA, robots, AND cell phones, as personal devices for communication. All these technological devices ARE made with computers EMBEDDED IN them, simple or complicat [].

WOOPS - NEED TO RUN. END OF EDIT
As a result, there was an argument that people have becoming significantly depent on computers, therefore some people look this dependence suspiciously, some disagree with this idea.
Firstly, the new technologies have been developing by people since the human life begins, as a result of that this process will never stop, thus the computers will be used at so many area at the future too. The robots will develop more and this will be the main area computers using at the future, the scientists already made some prototypes for cyborgs-robots which looks like humans-. There will be flying cars, even humans with some machines which will made with computers.
Secondly, like mentioned above there has been always developments in human history, such as industrial development, it would be silly to say that the dependence on machines are increasing so fast. In my opinion, computers are gained people’s life so much and they helped development in all industries.
In conclusion, I would agree with people who think dependence on computers a good thing and they will be used at so many area at the near future.[/quote]

[nativeSpeaker]

OK, I'M BACK.

As a result, an argument CAN BE MADE that people have becomE INCREASINGLY depenDENt on computers. Some people VIEW this dependence (NEGATIVELY?), WHILE OTHERS disagree with this idea. (BUT WHAT IS YOUR VIEW?)

Firstly, new technologies have been developED by people EVER since human life BEGAN. [] This process will never stop; thus computers (WHEN TALKING ABOUT A PLURAL NOUN AS A GENERAL CONCEPT, DON'T USE "THE.") will be used IN many CONTEXTS IN the future, too. FOR EXAMPLE, Robots will BE developED EXTENSIVELY and [] will be ONE OF the main AREAS WHERE computerS ARE USED IN the future. Scientists HAVE already made some prototypes OF cyborgs which look like humans. There will be flying cars AND even humans with some EMBEDDED COMPUTERIZED machinARY.

Secondly, AS mentioned above, there has ALWAYS been development[] in human history, INCLUDING industrial development THAT INVOLVED DEPENDENCE ON MACHINES. It would be silly to say that the dependence on machines HAS BEEN increasing TOO fast IN RECENT YEARS. In my opinion, computers HAVE IMPROVED people’s liVES so much and HAVE helped development in all industries.

In conclusion, I would agree with people who think dependence on computers IS a good thing BECAUSE COMPUTERS will be used IN so many DIFFERENT areaS IN the near future.