would you please get a grade out of 9 to my IELTS essay?

[jkiarash]

would you please get a grade out of 9 to my IELTS essay? i will be very appreciate if you correct errors.

Writing Task 2

 

topic:Some people say that government should increase the tax on petrol in order to decrease traffic and pollution. Do you agree with this opinion? Explain the benefits and drawbacks.

 

Nowadays the debate over whether or not government can reduce the contamination and traffic jam by getting more taxes from fuel, has sparked a great deal of controversy among people and scientists Although, others are of the opinion that indeed, it has some negative effects on economy, welfare and industries. The advantages and disadvantages of rising fuel prices will be discussed more.

A very convincing argument in favor of increasing fuel price is that this strategy will decrease vehicles transportation that subsequently causes to reduce amount of emission fumes by cars and motorcycles. Cost of using private vehicle can be raised by more expensive fuel so, most of people will probably use public transportation and consequently traffic jam will be reduced. Moreover, increasing in fuel price can encourage academies, research institutes and companies to carry out more research on alternative fuels, renewable energies and vehicles performance and innovate more in these fields. Most of past’s inventions in vehicles and energy created when price had been increased like hybrid engines, solar energy and etc.

On the other hand, fuel price rising can be an introduction to increase inflation rate. Because fuel use in all processes of manufacturing, maintaining, transporting and distributing of all kind of merchants. As a result, general price level increase and people purchasing power reduce. In addition, poor people’s welfare decrease intensely and most of peoples standard of living will be affected negatively. Moreover according to fundamental of Macroeconomics, fuel price has a strong relation with employment in an economy. Because when fuel price rises, industries benefits reduce and then they must lay off their workers to satisfy their stockholders. It seems the best solution to avoid negative impacts of fuel high price is that governments should impose an extra levy on private vehicles and industries that produce much more pollutants and spend this money to building new highways, roads and extend public transportation to reduce traffic.

Finally, I believe governments can choose some more beneficial strategies than increasing fuel price to reduce contamination and traffic especially with controlling transportation via taxes and investing in urban infrastructure.