IELTS correction is needed

[wafaa123]

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Nowadays, more people are choosing to live alone rather than with their families. This trend is likely to have a negative impact on communities. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

 

 

It is common today that many people prefer to live away from their families. This is nowhere more evident than the UK, or even some Arabic countries. It is believed this might affect the community as a whole negatively. In my view, this is not true, and living alone has many positive influences. It will be shown some great aspects to this idea, such as, living alone teaches people to be independent, and another reason is that might be more convenient.

It is noticed that when people live alone, they learn how to depend on themselves. But with the family, we often do not care about anything such as, bills, food, laundry, and so on due to there are people who responsible. In contrast, deciding to live alone means to undertake new independent life and this teaches how to take the responsibility. For instance, one year ago, my mother traveled for two weeks, and I had to live alone. In that period I used to do the laundry and cook by myself, thus has taught me many new experiences. This example clearly shows one important positive impacts to live alone. .

Furthermore, there is no doubt that living alone is more convenient. Therefore, people who live alone accomplish more due to they have more time and ability to focus into their career or study. There are a number of studies being performed on a world level to experiment who people are achieving more. It is proven that people who live alone often have peaceful atmosphere and that is why they achieve more than others. This shows another important influence to live alone.

It can be concluded that although many people regard this trend as a negatively effective in the community. It is shown several important impacts might bring benefit for both people and community. These people could develop themselves and the whole community is going to improve as well.

 

 

 

I want to know how many score I will be given If I wrote such this essay in the actual test :

my test is sooooooon

[Nostril5]

Hello,

The introduction is a 7.0. Good phrases and few simple grammar mistakes. Very nice.

The rest should get you a 6.0 (so the whole essay looks like a 6.0). The structure and task achievement are fine, but you grammar and vocabulary are not great. 'Therfore' is used incorrectly for its meaning and 'due to' is incorrect in grammar. You also use absolutes like 'we do not care about anything' and 'it is proven that', which are difficult to use for academic writing. Look up hedging or tentative language on academic writing websites for more appropriate phrases. There are a number of other grammar mistakes, but you look like you have studied academic writing and would be suitable for undergraduate study.

i hope this helps.

Mike