Is it a feature or too detailed idea to describe a graph?

[vuvian]

Dear all IELTS"er",
I am a newcomer of this forum, so i really need your care to me so that i can survive long long in your world. Welcome me, please!!!
Well, i would be very grateful for your warm welcome which is in terms of your help to read my following writing of describing a graph of entertainment markets.
The question (topic) and the graph are included in the file i will attach to this message. Please spend some minutes to read them and discuss with me!
You know, i wrote the description in two ways. One way is to tell how the markets grew, and another way is how the graph is featured with the prominent volume of the US. I don't know what makes the writing look better and easier for the readers.
Thanks again and look forward to your response!
Faithfully,
AT

Attached file is my writing!