IELTS help, please! :)

[Silvan]

Hello @ all I am new here and it is amazing which score other could gain in the writing part. I am actually learning now for two month for the ielts, but my teacher, we don't have the best relation, didn't mark my essays better than a 6.5
However, I just wanted to know how I can become a score like 7-8, I did a essay this morning about the issue if government should direct the education way of pupils and students.

It would be very nice, when somebody can just take a look and hopefully he or she find some vital misstakes

Thanks
Silvan


In our present time of a global market economy education has become a widely disputed issue and many people believe that the government should have more power to direct the school career for pupils and students. Other, however, believe that adolescences should be taught a wide general knowledge with the result of more job variety in their later times. I agree that pupils should be taught a wide general knowledge, because the need the option of an individual support by the teacher for their abilities and weaknesses.

Firstly, it is my opinion that every human has an innate ability and consequently pupils have strengths and weaknesses. Further a wide knowledge teaching teacher has more possibilities for an individual education for any of his pupils as when the government have more power to direct school careers.

Secondly, in my view a teaching of wide knowledge supports the independent-thinking of pupils and especially these are skills which are in demand in the labour market. Even in the past, in fact, were marvellous inventions, developments, discoveries and a significant ability to think performed only by people of independent-thinking.

However, to have just one view on this issue would not be right. In contrast the government has to take care of a functional economy with even depends of a standard of knowledge for school leavers, who are the supply on the labour market.

In conclusion, I agree that pupils should be taught a wide general knowledge, because firstly more options are given for teacher for an individual teaching and secondly general knowledge supports the individual-thinking of every school leaver.

[IELTSscore]

There is a good IELTS website called IELTShelper.com that can help you improve your writing. You can pay a small fee and an IELTS tutor can mark your IELTS writing. The tutor at IELTShelper.com is an IELTS examiner who corrects your mistakes and gives you accurate predicted IELTS scores.