The Joke Thread !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Dimas]

One person wrote a letter to his wife,

Dear Sweet Heart

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.

You re my sweetheart


His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. Milkman was agreed on 2 kisses
2. Teacher agreed on 7 kisses
3. Our house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses of mine.
4. Vegetable and food shop keeper was not agreeing with kisses only, so I have given some other items to him...........
5. Others 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have balance 35 kisses and I hope I can complete this month.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please advise??
Your SweetHeart

[coolpaggy]

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

I havent had a drink for a really long time. Maybe my dumber cells have become dominant. I must kill them to feel smarter !

Please don't worry for me, I have balance 35 kisses and I hope I can complete this month.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please advise?
Your SweetHeart

good one !


.....

[arjmen]

I feel a little trip down memory lane coming up ...

Some things that change after University

6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.

You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital

You know all of the people sleeping in your house.

The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more. Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.

You don't go to the supermarket with all your friends.

You have standing orders and direct debits.

The heating works in your house.

Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.

You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.

You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.

Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.

You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.

Washing up is not an annual ritual.

Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

You don't know what time the kebab shop closes anymore.

Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.

You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.

You don't put half-finished curries in the fridge to eat later.

You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls.

You "hate scrounging students".

You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs when drunk.

Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.

You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.

You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.

You always know where you are when you wake up.

You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.

A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.

You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not Condoms and pregnancy test kits.

A £3 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.

You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.

You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

You don't have mice living in your kitchen.

Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.

You don't go to Liquor Save to buy Vodka.

You have hoovered.

Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.

'I just can't drink the way I used to' replaces 'I'm never going to drink that much again'.

Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

You don't experiment with banned substances.

You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.

[manwiththemission2005]

Good ones hehe

[coolpaggy]

see what it says after finishing the siggy.

[Illusionz]

...see what it says after finishing the siggy.

Good One

[manasi4gre]

see what it says after finishing the siggy.

This could work like a good ad.

[coolpaggy]

a spoof on some old world famous paintings...

[coolpaggy]

......

[seagull]

great one, paggy