doubts about the PhD program

[waxwings]

Hi all,

I'm wondering if any of you out there are in a similar boat. Now that I'm on the cusp of deciding between graduate schools, I'm not entirely sure if the PhD would be the right path for me. I was unsure when I applied, and figured I would have more time to think about it. Since I've heard back from schools, the process of gathering more information about each program, going to visiting days, speaking to students and faculty, etc. has somewhat accelerated my doubts.

In the past, I was more worried about not being able to do well enough in the courses. I figured research would be the easier and more interesting part. Now I'm wondering if I really want to do the dissertation. It seems like a long and lonely road, and given that I don't want to become an academic, I'm not sure how much sense it makes. I would like to be involved in policy formation (in international development, potentially with leeway to move into related areas), which was pretty much why I thought getting a PhD would be a good thing to do. However, I'm experiencing a great deal of cognitive dissonance in hearing from faculty/students that it doesn't make sense to do a PhD if 1) you don't really want to do the dissertation, i.e., aren't seriously interested in doing deep research on one particular topic, or 2) aren't seriously interested in a career involving research--and thinking that it would still be an advantage to have one. One person has told me it's just an advantage to have one and I should just do it. Other people have said I should do it only if I really want to.

I have a general direction in which I might like to head with my research (private sector development in developing countries), but it just seems like a big commitment. Research is interesting, but maybe not a passion for me. The idea of diving into a dissertation for three years might seem more attractive a few years from now, but I wonder about what else I could be doing. Given all of the RA work I've done since college, part of me just wants to try something else out.

The "problem" is that I have a fully funded offer at a really good PhD program that would be a good match for my interests (HKS public policy). Unfortunately, they don't award any kind of masters degree if you decide to drop out, which is unfortunate (not that hedging on being able to drop out is a great strategy, I suppose). I'm trying to see if I can defer, maybe try something else out, or reapply to masters programs (like the MPA/ID--I got waitlisted this year). I am afraid that part of this is just restlessness--I want to go abroad or into the field (really missed out on that during and after college--big reget of mine), and I'm not sure whether a one-and-a-half month break this summer will cure this, or not.

There are actually other aspects of this that complicate my decision, but I'll leave it at that for now. Sorry if that was rambly, but if any of this resonates with you, it would be great to hear from you. I feel very annoyed with myself for getting this far in the process and being so indecisive still. I'm afraid I'm being swayed by the attractive aspects of the program I did get into, and not thinking hard enough about whether it's the right kind of program for me. People say it's good I'm thinking about this now rather than later, but I just feel like it will be hard to make a good decision.

[RonSwanson]

I'd suggest going along with it, most PhD programs allow you to get an MA along the way so worst case scenario you decide after 2 years you don't want to get a PhD and you get an MA instead. You're fully funded so it's not like you're paying out of pocket, and if the program is really good I'm sure having an MA from them won't be a bad thing anyways. Plus if you change your mind and decide you do want to go on with the PhD you're already working on it.

[waxwings]

The problem with this PhD is that you don't actually get a degree along the way! (I mentioned this above, but it may have gotten lost in the blocks of text.) HKS has its own masters programs (MPP, MPA/ID, etc.) that are administered separately, so they don't actually have anything to give to PhD students who want to drop out. (Unless you did one of those programs first and then were accepted into the PhD, which is quite common--but that obviously doesn't apply to those of us without previous masters degrees.) I originally misread their website to read that they would award you an MPP along the way, but that is incorrect.

That said, attrition is apparently quite low...which could be self-selection, a reflection on the program, or combination of both. I don't want to self-select incorrectly...hah.

Thanks for the advice though. It would suck to change my mind.

[kinzaman]

Given that your offer is funded, it seems to me that there is no reason not to accept the offer. Give grad school a year or two and see how you like it. If grad school isn't for you, you can always drop out and pursue something else. You certainly wouldn't be the first to do so.

If you think you just need a break before heading back to school, you should request a deferral. From what I understand, this is not very uncommon, and your program would probably prefer that you take a year and be fully committed (or not attend at all), than to have you attend, then drop out after a year or two.

[gradfuture]

I think what the poster is feeling is very natural, I am applying this coming year and already feeling apprehension about whether a phd is for me. Part of my anxiety is because of the difficulty of the job market. I want a phd because I would like to be a professor but that doesn't even seem to be a large possibility for people outside of the top 20. Obviously that's not a concern for waxwings since HKS is great. But how can someone really know if academia and research is for him or her if that's all he or she has experienced. I wonder what percentage of grad cohorts are truly passionate

[TomRod]

Waxwings, for what it's worth, I didn't pursue graduate school right away. Life circumstances prevented me from doing so. But I wanted to. And in that time when I was figuring my own goals out, it really came down to this question: do I want my vocation and my avocation to be the same thing?

If you think you'll always wonder "what might have been" if you do not attend graduate school, let me point out that this is a cost. Be sure to include it when you perform your personal cost-benefit analysis.

There is nothing wrong with taking a few years off, working, and deciding what your actual desired path is. I've met many people (though certainly a very small subset) who "end up" in academia by inertia alone. Meaning they were talked into graduate school, then staying in academia, by someone else. Many of these anecdotal folks are miserable.

Anyway, it is definitely a hard choice. But definitely apply in the meantime to see what opportunities are available to you.

Best of luck.

[godlesschum]

Be sure to include it when you perform your personal cost-benefit analysis. .

which book is best for conducting this analysis?

[ssch]

I hope this helps a little Which is for you: MPA, MPA/ID, or PhD? | Chris Blattman.

[TomRod]

which book is best for conducting this analysis?

Depends on the person. Some people find Phillipians good. Others, God Invented the Integers, or anything by Kuhn. Some, the Quran.

I'm not being flippant here, though at first glance it might appear this way. Grad school definitely involves some soul searching at some point--may as well learn how now .

[waxwings]

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I do have an MA offer right now (SAIS IDEV, with 1/3rd funding) which I have technically turned down already....but wondering if that was a good idea.

I have seen Chris Blattman's advice many times, actually. The problem is that I'm not sure if I really see myself as a researcher. Harvard just seems like a good opportunity, but based just on CB's advice, I should get a masters and be done with it. On the other hand, I think I could direct my research towards practical ends...