practice SAT II Writing essays

[mandy_pal]

I'm currently preparing for my SAT II Writing test. Here's an essay I just wrote. Can anyone read this and tell me what are some of the areas that I need to work on? Thanks in advance.

Topic: Failure can be a learning experience. I learned most from the time I failed at ________________.

My essay:

Failure can be a learning experience. I learned most from the time I failed at winning the debate final in Grade 10. This failure, although heart-breaking, taught me the importance of team work and gave me much valuable experiences that have helped me to become both a better debater and a better person.

People have always remarked that I am a debate fanatic, and perhaps, they're right. My biggest passion in life has always been debating - correction: winning debates. I am a natural competitor, someone who wants to do everything and do it well. This is evident in the amount of time and effort I put into my debates. Every time a debate comes along, I would hold countless meetings with my team members, single-handedly organise our arguments, and assign appropriate tasks to every member. I would then research the topic thoroughly and send the information to each member with specific instructions on how to use the information. Although this method had won us a few debates, my bossiness and stubborness also discouraged others from voicing their opinions. This became the cardinal factor in our losing the final as it had a topic that I was not very familiar with. Instead of asking for my team member's suggestions, I plunged ahead with my own ideas. In the end, my selfishness costed us the trophy as our argument had lacked coherence and cogence. Through this terrible loss, however, I managed to gain invaluable insight into both myself and my team. I realised that without co-operation and team-work, without everyone's participation and involvement, we could never become a great team worthy of first place.

Through failing to win the debate final last year, I learned the importance of team work. This crucial lesson has helped me to become a better debater and was the chief reason why we won the trophy this year.

[bibibearbubu1025]

I think you should separate the 2nd paragraph to 2 or 3 paragraphs, otherwise, i t's great!

[DrNet]

It's so sad to be a foreign student when you have to take SAT II: writing.
I think you will receive a good score for that essay.

[Erin]

That essay does have some very nice writing in it, but it's a bit "under-developed." It'd likely receive a 3 (possibly 4) out of 6.

[tvlevy]

well, mandy_pal, ur essay is quite good but I think it needs more details.(probably I'm a little nosy here 'coz I havn't critisized anyone be4) Maybe some reactions of your teammates before and after your crucial lesson will make ur essay more interesting. (unless if they sticked a "screw you, mandy_pal" note on the back of your chair , that'd do more harm than good)j/k

btw, when will u take the test?

[babypurin]

tvlevy, please look at the thread dates - they are more than a year old, so we can only guess that he has taken the SATII: Writing (remember the last administration was in January 2005).