please , grade my essay

[seelee]

Hello teacher, this is my essay I hope you to make commentary and to give me notices about the essay




why go to university ( this question from book -answer to all over essay questions and not clear if the question means the people or mean me in the question )

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There are many reasons for people to go to university, but that depends the people themselves, some people go for educational cuases, some for financial cuases and some go to the university to become famous , personally speaking
I go to university to gain the knowledge, to know about the world around me and to help my society, I will spell out my reasons .


Firstly, I have passion to know about the world around me, for example when I hear news in the television about some pheneomena, I alwasy ask myself why this happened, these moments intesify my interesting in the education, subsequently
I wish strongly to go to university,


Secondly, I have sense of community and I wish to serve my community , for example we know about the deseases in the poverty countries like my country, I am from Mansoora near Cairo, my city like my country there is lack of knowledge about the deseases and how the people can gaurd themselves from deases, espescially the children,that assures the need to go to unviersity.


As I illustrated, I go to the university to increas my knowledge and develop my skills and to help my society from the
problems which it faces, I hope if we help every one to go into university that is good for the person and the group -society-, do you agree with me?.



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word count 230............................................... .................................................. .................................................. ..........


. I observed some problem like cuase but after I finish 30 minutes ,
I feel I can do better than what I did, I am sure about that

[MAndrew]

Firstly, we need to see the exact wording of the real question, and I guarantee you 100% that, "why go to university" is not a TOEFL Writing Section question! Something more like, "Some people prefer to study in universities in person, and others prefer studying online. Which do you prefer and why?" Or maybe, "Some people believe that online education has the same value as traditional attendance. Do you agree or disagree with this idea? Support your opinion with reasons and examples."

The first step in evaluating a TOEFL Writing response is to know the task. In this case, we are unable to know what the task really was. If you would like help in the future, I would suggest quoting the exact question from a reliable TOEFL resource (like Bruce Rogers, Cambridge, Longman, ETS, etc.), so the rater can know how well you have completed the task, as this is a major factor in scoring a response and offering advice. Best wishes.