TOEFL test kaplan

[SD2007]

I understand what you mean about animal study. But thing is in all biological labs, we use animals most time, not human tissues. That is why we need discuss this issue.
For me, I try to make a clear structure on my essay. I don't know it is good thing or bad. For body part, I try to write down topic sentence, then explanation and examples. But this essay is a persuasive essay, it is hard to list out FIRST, SECOND AND THIRD topics. It's like your architecture, building up structure first, then fill up with details. I couldn't see your topic sentences. But you got enough words. This essay is hard for me to go to 300 words.
Here is mine:

There is a debate whether teachers should be paid according to their students' performance. Although teachers' payment depending on students' scores can stimulate teachers to work hard, I don't think it is proper method to measure our educational system.
First, quality of our educational system can not be simply judged by scores. Students’ scores only partially reflect their school performance because scores most time means the knowledge they have learned. However, education is not only delivering knowledge to students but also teaching students learn how to obtain knowledge and other skills like communication and manufacture. These skills are abilities, which are difficult to be measured by scores. In another word, scores can not indicate students overall performance. Therefore, using scores to decide the payment to teachers are not adequate.
Furthermore, if we encourage teachers measure students’ performance by scores, teachers will just focus on tests which most time measure students’ knowledge, not skills. Later, we will have lots of people with high marks but abilities. They will only know how to do tests, but don’t know much skills to do real works and can not communicate with other people. I highly doubt about this kind of people can be success in their future. This will be a disaster for our society.
In conclusion, teachers’ role is helping students obtain knowledge, learn how to obtain knowledge and other useful skills, which will make them success in their future. Paying teachers by students’ performance will mislead our educational system to wrong direction.

[SD2007]

I agree with you that we should write more than 300 words, but my problem is it is hard for me to write out 300 words. Look at my last essay, I only have two points for body paragraphs.
Another thing I should tell you, you can use this TOEFL test for your future licence if you want to register in Canada. My friends' TOEFL result probably near 10 years old, they still accept it. So, if you get score over 100, keep the record. They don't mind it is over 2 years and they don't need get record from ETS. For me, I got my old TOEFL score, but I didn't get 600, which is acceptable line for old test.

[SD2007]

There is a debate about whether or not we should do animal research to understand human nature. The answer is not clear this moment. Some people believe animal research definitely help us understand human being. But I think animal research is waste of time and money for us, and it is not humane for animals.
First, animal research is waste of time and money. Human being and animals are so much different structurally and functionally. When we do animal experiments, we just try to understand that specific animal. If we want to know the question on human body, we still need do experiments on human. We cannot apply the result from animal research to human directly. Therefore, doing animal research is not time and finance-effective procedure if we are interested in understanding of human being.
From animal point of view, it is not humane for us to sacrifice them for our own benefit. We always say that our planet is a home for not only human being but also all animals. Human being has responsibly to protect animals. If one day all animals except human disappear from this planet, that will be disaster for us. So, everybody including animals has equal right in our world.
Looking back from human history, we mad lots of mistakes. If we don’t stop killing animals for our human benefit, it can be a big tragedy for human.

[SD2007]

Agree or disagree: People who do not work because of enough money are rarely happy.

Some people believe rich people generally are not happy even though they are wealthy. It could be rich and famous people who are easily exposed to media. So, people know them more than poor people. Actually, they are much happier than working class or poor people because they don’t need worry about their finance, they have enough time to relax and they can use their spare time to do what they really like.
First, wealthy people do not need worry about any financial crisis. They have enough money to support themselves. Their life is secure. They are not like working class who has to earn enough money to pay bills, pay mortgage and invest money to pension.
Second, rich people have more time to relax. With lots of money, rich people are not necessary to go to work, which is stressful for most people. They do not need worry about weather, road and working conditions. In comparison, not rich people have anxiety from their jobs, have difficulty to find time with their family after work and keep update themselves to be competitive in their work. Many working class people have to extend their office hours to finish their jobs. If working class loses job, that means they will lose everything.
Third, rich people can use their spare time to do their favorite activities. Because they have enough money, have enough time and not stressed life, they can join any exercise club, go for holiday or learn music instruments. They can be guaranteed to have a perfect tea party in a beautiful sunny afternoon with their friends. Their life is just wonderful.
Therefore, it is not correct to say that rich people are not happy. Comparing with working class, rich people have less stress and anxiety from their daily life. They can enjoy life more than other people because they are rich.

[SD2007]

Originally Posted by AdrienZeuch

So Today I wrote this topic: Independent writing: You agree or disagree that cars have made a greater impact on the society than airplanes.

Technology has been very efficient for the society. With the invention of the car and airplane, people have been able to travel in a much faster way than the previous centuries. Even though the airplane is considered the safest way of traveling, I think that the advantages of having a car outweigh the advantages of taking an airplane to travel. I agree with the statement that cars have had a greater impact in our lives than airplanes. The cost of using a car is more affordable than the cost of using an airplane. Cars take us to our work and to specific places within the city or the country. In addition, the commodities and features that are found in new cars augment our desire to purchase them.

To begin with, cars can be very cheap for people. People who work can easily afford a car and the price of the gas in Canada is fairly good. However, if they want to travel to another state by using an airplane, they will have to pay a significant amount of money. On the other hand, traveling by car would be cheaper, although it would take more time than taking an airplane. Nowadays, economic cars are being developed and these cars have greatly beneficiated the society. Thus, while a person pays 300 dollars in order to go to another state, other person pay a little amount of money for the gas, and can even appreciate the landscape that surrounds him.

The use of the car has been crucial for the population. Today people need car to go to work and to shop. In cold countries such as Canada and United States, people should not take busses in wintertime. Consequently, people buy a lot of cars and these cars attend their necessities within the country and the city. Necessities such as go to work, go to the doctor and visit a friend on the other city. Airplanes, however, are only used to commerce transportation and long distances transportation. Could a people go to the mall by using an airplane?

Scientist and designers have been working hard on cars’ development to provide the population with comfort and useful features. Because of this, the number of people purchasing a car has significantly increased. Features (such as air-conditioned, ABS break system, and the implementation of ipod and dvd in a car ) have become very useful and have increased our desire to buy the cars which present them. People now can listen music while they are traveling. The air-conditioned keeps them warm as well. In addition, the security systems keep them safer than before.

To draw a conclusion, Car as well as airplanes have been very useful for the society. Airplanes are very good for long trips. However, I must remember that people do not travel too much. They mostly travel on vacation, which is one or two time a year. That means, that while they are not traveling ,they use the car. Therefore, I totally agree with the statement above.

I'm sure you will find grammar errors...Since my essyas are too big, I don't have time enough to check it again. However, I heard that the more you write the higher score you will receive. this is because they give us 300 words in 30 minutes, if people can write 500 words, I think they will considere.

I know lots of words are important to the essay, but make sure they are all related to the topic.

[AdrienZeuch]

Hey, You said you couldn't see my topic sentences...but I always make sure I write the topic sentence which is the very first of each paragraphs, and summarize what it will be about. look here.

To begin with, cars can be very cheap for people. People who work can easily afford a car and the price of the gas in Canada is fairly good. However, if they want to travel to another state by using an airplane, they will have to pay a significant amount of money. On the other hand, traveling by car would be cheaper, although it would take more time than taking an airplane. Nowadays, economic cars are being developed and these cars have greatly beneficiated the society. Thus, while a person pays 300 dollars in order to go to another state, other person pay a little amount of money for the gas, and can even appreciate the landscape that surrounds him

The topic sentences is that car are cheap. then, I provide examples and details (this is like my teacher taught me). the last thing is the concluding sentence, which restates the topic sentence on other words.


In order to prevent loosing their job, professor would become more sever in class. As was stated before, it is normal that some students have a bad performance in class. Consequently, teachers would see these students as a threat and would become more rigid with them. Teachers would even rigidly behave with good students, when they take a B instead an A. Therefore; this is another disvantage of this payment system which would only become a problem to the teachers.
can you find the topic sentence here ??

[AdrienZeuch]

Originally Posted by SD2007

Agree or disagree: People who do not work because of enough money are rarely happy.

Some people believe rich people generally are not happy even though they are wealthy. It could be rich and famous people who are easily exposed to media. So, people know them more than poor people. Actually, they are much happier than working class or poor people because they don’t need worry about their finance, they have enough time to relax and they can use their spare time to do what they really like.
First, wealthy people do not need worry about any financial crisis. They have enough money to support themselves. Their life is secure. They are not like working class who has to earn enough money to pay bills, pay mortgage and invest money to pension.
Second, rich people have more time to relax. With lots of money, rich people are not necessary to go to work, which is stressful for most people. They do not need worry about weather, road and working conditions. In comparison, not rich people have anxiety from their jobs, have difficulty to find time with their family after work and keep update themselves to be competitive in their work. Many working class people have to extend their office hours to finish their jobs. If working class loses job, that means they will lose everything.
Third, rich people can use their spare time to do their favorite activities. Because they have enough money, have enough time and not stressed life, they can join any exercise club, go for holiday or learn music instruments. They can be guaranteed to have a perfect tea party in a beautiful sunny afternoon with their friends. Their life is just wonderful.
Therefore, it is not correct to say that rich people are not happy. Comparing with working class, rich people have less stress and anxiety from their daily life. They can enjoy life more than other people because they are rich.

good essay

[AdrienZeuch]

Originally Posted by SD2007

I know lots of words are important to the essay, but make sure they are all related to the topic.

Can you give me feedback about this ?? I didn't understand very well.
What I did was to give details to prove that cars are more important in peoples' lives than airplane.
thx

[SD2007]

Originally Posted by AdrienZeuch

Hey, You said you couldn't see my topic sentences...but I always make sure I write the topic sentence which is the very first of each paragraphs, and summarize what it will be about. look here.

To begin with, cars can be very cheap for people. People who work can easily afford a car and the price of the gas in Canada is fairly good. However, if they want to travel to another state by using an airplane, they will have to pay a significant amount of money. On the other hand, traveling by car would be cheaper, although it would take more time than taking an airplane. Nowadays, economic cars are being developed and these cars have greatly beneficiated the society. Thus, while a person pays 300 dollars in order to go to another state, other person pay a little amount of money for the gas, and can even appreciate the landscape that surrounds him

The topic sentences is that car are cheap. then, I provide examples and details (this is like my teacher taught me). the last thing is the concluding sentence, which restates the topic sentence on other words.


In order to prevent loosing their job, professor would become more sever in class. As was stated before, it is normal that some students have a bad performance in class. Consequently, teachers would see these students as a threat and would become more rigid with them. Teachers would even rigidly behave with good students, when they take a B instead an A. Therefore; this is another disvantage of this payment system which would only become a problem to the teachers.
can you find the topic sentence here ??

You said 'Cars are cheap' is your topic sentence, but I couldn't link this topic with the statement, which is about impact on our society.

[SD2007]

Originally Posted by AdrienZeuch

yes, these question are indeed hard. I could do them with dificulties. However, I don't understand why a person would invent this question:
Do you agree with the following statement: studying animals can help us to understand the human nature. No.
This question is ridiculous lol. I would say no of course.
These dates over the topic are the date on which the toefl was taken ?

I did one of them and it took 35 minutes because I am tired ( I had a soccer game and I ran a lot , If I had lost the game I would not write this essay right now haha)

here it goes:

Teachers are paid in order to provide students with experience and knowledge. The fact that a specific student is not doing well in class has a nothing to do with the professor. Because of this, I strongly disagree with the statement above. If this plan was taken into account, teachers would acquire a lower payment due to bad students’ performances. Teachers could even loose their job. In addition, this implementation could bring professor to become very rigid with students who do not behave well and have bad grades, in order to avoid low payments.

To begin with, the average of teachers’ salary would decrease, if they were paid according to students’ performances. Let us suppose that a class has 21 students. Among these students, four of them normally have a bad performance in class and none of them seem to be interested in getting good marks. The others students, however, present very good grades. That means that the majority of the students are considered good students. In my opinion, lowering the teacher’s payment because of these four students would be a total injustice. Thus, thit would arise problems to the society; I think professors and teachers should be paid according to their experiences.

Teacher would even have the possibility to loose their job if students kept maintaining a bad performance at school. Teachers who really need a work, would have to change their methods of studies in order to strengthen the student’s performances. However, if this did not work, it could lead universities and schools to fire these unfortunate teachers who were just trying to do their job. Children would become responsible for teacher’s job. For example, if a student do not like the professor and has a great influence upon his classmates, he could lead them to perform badly in class. Thus, teachers would be in a bad situation and this would become a crisis among teachers and professors.

In order to prevent loosing their job, professor would become more sever in class. As was stated before, it is normal that some students have a bad performance in class. Consequently, teachers would see these students as a threat and would become more rigid with them. Teachers would even rigidly behave with good students, when they take a B instead an A. Therefore; this is another disvantage of this payment system which would only become a problem to the teachers.

To conclude, teachers and professor should not be paid according to the students’ grades and performances. I think that the student is responsible for his performance and his grades. Teachers do play an important role on student’s studies and can reverse the bad situation by encouraging them to get better marks, but even tough some students will not improve their performances. By implementing this payment system, teachers would be unjustly prejudiced. This is why I disagree with this idea.

I don't think my writing very good because I have this problem of writing long sentences...
Can you post yours ?? we can give feedback to each other.

Another thing..If you don't mind, can you record a indenpendent speaking topic and email me ? I can email you as well, then we give feedback to each other. the topic could be:

Among telephone,vehicle,computer,which one do you think most useful in your life?

Because my computer is down, so I can not record my voice easily. Forgive me I can not finish this work. But you can tell my opinion among these three things.