can you help to evaluate my essays and give me some suggestion,plz

[lady in red]

Hi every one,
I'm talking the Toefl on may 30th and I'm confused in the writing section. I have some qeustions which I hope that you can help me in them as soon as possibale.

Independent essay
I leared that when i'm writing an essay about my opinion about something I have to put my thises sentence which is my opinion in the last sentence of paragraph one which is the iroduction. However, in the Barrone's book it mentioned to strat the essay with a direct statment which presents my opinion. So what should I do??

Intgrated essay
1- does it make difference to write one paragraph essay or 3 pargraphs essays?? cuz I used to write 3 pargraph, but in the sample essays I found that they mostly write just one paragraph..So can I write 3 pargraph??

2-Can conclude by say to conclude?

3-I'm putting the statment of if the lucture and passage oppose each other or agree with each other in the last sentence of paragraph one. acuallay the style which I use I start with a summury of the one it ask me to summarize then I write if they are agree or opposes with eachother in the introdtion. then in the second paragraph(the body) I write why they agree or aoppose. then in the thierd paragraph I write a coclution. So is it a right way or not?

Finally I posting some of my essays which I wrote in 20 minutes or 30 minutes as the real Toefl

Integrated essay

The school organizing system in the USA is similar to the europen system which gives 12 years education to students. It divides the system to three main grades. First, is the primary school starting on age 6 or 7 usually. Second is the intermediate school. Finally, is the high school. According to the lecture, this separating of students by chronological steps is not an ideal system.

There are many reasons that been mentioned in the lecture to make this opinion. First, of all some children are not enough matured to start school at age 6 or seven. While, some children are ready before age 6 or seven. So restrict a child with a certain age to go to school is not a good idea. We can see the same problem in the high school. Another reason is that repeating the same material is making students feel board. So repeating a year is not a good idea also.

To conclude, the lecture opposes the organization of the school to many grades depending on the chronological system. And it suggested that student should have more time. Students who can understand quickly should wait until new materials are presented. Finally student should repeat materials.

Independent essay
Dogs, Cats, rats, and many other kinds of pets are parts of the families' house atmosphere. some families treat them as a part of them while some families don't. however, if the pets should be treated as a part of the family or not is a big argument, I strongly agree that they should be treated as members of the family.

There are many reasons for my opinion. First of all, Pets are the responsibility of the families who have them, and they should take this responsibility seriously. For example, if a family adopted a child, they will treat him as a member of the family even if he is not. the same thing should be done with adoption of a pet. Furthermore, pets are creatures just as human being. They have rights, they have responsibilities, and they have feelings. So we shouldn't think that our way to deal with them doesn't make difference for them .On top of that, pets deserve awards from the family because the family is getting a lot of advantages from them. For instance, the dog is working as a guard for the house, in addition of being a friend for the family. So this dog deserves to get awards from the family which is reflected by treating it as member of the family.

To conclude, pets are more than animals. It's a part of the whole house. if family lose a pet, it means they lost a big part of it. I suggest that every family should have some information about how to deal with a pet in a good way and in away similar to any one else in the family before having it.

Finally thx for your patient to read my long post but i'm realy need help becuse i'm lost and my test is after almost 10 days.