tombraider Posted August 31, 2002 Share Posted August 31, 2002 This is my first essay in forum. Please read and give it a score. My test date is coming.:o #070: Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others think that automobile has caused serious problems. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. The advent of automobile has made the world change. There are two aspects of change: advantages and disadvantages. Some say that the automobile has improved modern life while others think hat automobile has caused serious problems. I myself endorse the first opinion because I think its advantages are helpful for our modern life. First, automobile has a very important standing in economic. With the appearance of it, a new industry was born. This industry has increased and broadened quickly for many years. It is so important that number of automobile can be produced will evaluate the economy ability of one country. For instance, Japan is classified in the top richest countries in the world because of its fast growth industries especially, automobile industry. Besides, when look at a car, we can see that it reflect many others achievements of mankind such as: petrol, metal, fashions and so on. The development of automobile industry will lead those industries to grow with it. On the other hand, automobile- producing system creates jobs for many people in the world so it distributes stable lives for these people. Second, not only important in economic, but it is also useful for people 'life. Automobile can take us to far places much quicker than before. It makes us not feel difficult and complicated when wee want to go or travel to another place. It also saves time, money in moving for us both in far or near distances. Besides, it has many other advantanges. For example, it can help people carrying small or cumbersome things from one place to another place. To summarize, I want to say that I think automobile is one of the most exceptional inventions of mankind because of its benefits above. However, automobile has only advantages, it also has disadvantages but if without it, our life will be more difficult and uncomfortable.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vertical_horizon Posted September 1, 2002 Share Posted September 1, 2002 Hi Tomb :D, welcome to TM! I'll correct some of your easy-to-see grammar mistakes and give some of my comments on this essay... I'm not sure if I'm right but others will comment it more :D... Originally posted by tombraider This is my first essay in forum. Please read and give it a score. My test date is coming.:o #70: Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others think that automobile has caused serious problems. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. The advent of automobile has made the world change. There are two aspects of change: advantages and disadvantages. Some say that the automobile has improved modern life while others think hat automobile has caused serious problems. 1.I myself endorse the first opinion because I think its advantages are helpful for our modern life. First, automobile has a very important standing in economics. 2.With the appearance of it, a new industry was born. This industry has increased and broadened quickly for many years(Do we really say an industry 'increases'?). It is so important that the number of automobile that can be produced will evaluate the economy economic ability of one country. For instance, Japan is classified in the top richest countries in the world because of its fast growth growing industries especially, the automobile industry. Besides, when look at a car, we can see that it reflects many others achievements of mankind such as: petrol, metal, fashions and so on. The development of automobile industry will lead has led those industries to grow with it. 3.On the other hand, automobile- producing system creates jobs for many people in the world so it distributes stable lives for these people. Second, not only is automobile important in economic, but it is also useful for people 'life. Automobile can take us to far places much quicker more quickly than before. It makes us not feel difficult and complicated when we want to go or travel to another place. It also saves time, money in moving for us both in far or near distances (Do we really say distance is 'near' or 'far'?). 4.Besides, it has many other advantanges. For example, it can help people carrying small or cumbersome things (Why do we need the word 'small'?) from one place to another place. To summarize, I want to say that I think automobile is one of the most exceptional inventions of mankind because of its benefits above. However, automobile has only advantages, it also has disadvantages but if without it, our life will be more difficult and uncomfortable (I don't really understand this sentence....:)) Some problems: +)sentence 1: 1.I myself endorse the first opinion because I think its advantages are helpful for our modern life Of course advantages are helpful (Oh is there any unhelpful kind of advantages :D?). I like this sentence more: I myself endorse the first opinion because of its enormous advantages to our life. +)sentence 2: 2.With the appearance of it, a new industry was born I think you should say more specifically: it's the automobile industry, isn't it :)? +)sentence 3: 3.On the other hand, automobile- producing system creates jobs for many people in the world so it distributes stable lives for these people Does this idea really support the topic sentence? Or should it be in para 2? +)sentence 4: 4.Besides, it has many other advantanges This sentence is to general and therefore, is not necessery. *** IMO, about this topic you should discuss both advantages and dis-, and then point out that there are more ad- than dis-. But you are such a hard working student! 4 essays per day is incredible! Keep on moving, friend :D. Hope you'll get all 300! Best for ya, verhor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaya Posted September 1, 2002 Share Posted September 1, 2002 Hi! Verhor... It is amazing! Wow!!! I am shocked and proud of you :) If you it is incredible to write 4 essays per one day, what can I say about 3 grammar editions? I simply have no words. IMO, about this topic you should discuss both advantages and dis-, and then point out that there are more ad- than dis-. It would be perfect, but 30 min. is a very short period of time... I want to edit the last sentence: However, the automobile hasn't only advantages, it also has some disadvantages but if without it, our life would be (much) more difficult and uncomfortable. Also I want to point out two identical mistakes: has made the world to change and It makes us not to feel difficult. I want to say that I would like to hear more about improvement in poeple's life than about economics... But this is only my oppinion. Besides I would like to hear the word 'improvement' more often, because the topic is about 'improvement'. If you ask me about the score... hm... Perhaps I would give you 5.0. HTH! Renata Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vertical_horizon Posted September 1, 2002 Share Posted September 1, 2002 Hi! Verhor... It is amazing! Wow!!! I am shocked and proud of you If you it is incredible to write 4 essays per one day, what can I say about 3 grammar editions? I simply have no words. Oh Renata you make me so shy.. cuz compared to you I feel like some to many! :D Also I want to point out two identical mistakes: has made the world to change and It makes us not to feel difficult. Why Renata? We have 'make sb do sth', don't we? So I think Tomb is right. HTH! verhor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tombraider Posted September 1, 2002 Author Share Posted September 1, 2002 Hi Vehor and Vaya! Thanks! This essay also has many mistakes and my ideas are not clear. It is difficult to realize them when I wrote. I only know my mistakes after read your comments. You are help me so much. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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