#001: People attend college or university for

[tombraider]

Hi all friends who will read my essay. I really need your comments. I have many problems in grammar and ideas. Please repair them for me, a new student. :D

 

#1: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

Today, university is one of the important goals of high school students in my country and maybe in the world. People attend college or university for many different reasons. I myself will go to university next year so I think I could understand what others want to have when they study in colleges and universities. In my opinion, most of these reasons are career preparation and increasing knowledge.

 

I think the first reason we attend university or college is career preparation because we students need a professional occupation to create our own life, earn money for life and help the society developing. The major function of university and college are training professionals so university and college are good places can help us reaching our approach. After graduating university/college, we will receive good transcripts, which help us find a good job and indicate that we are professionals in our studying field. In fact, we see that people have good career in university/college have more advantages in applying for a job than others who do not.

 

Another reason that, university/college gives us much useful knowledge. All of us know that knowledge in the world is large like ocean. We could never have all the knowledge of mankind so studying to update what we feel appropriate is so important. And university/college will give us a part of it in one field. More details, university/college with professors and its high education will teach us how to obtain information fast and sufficiently. We also gain this knowledge out of school but in university/college we will study more systematically and easily.

 

In conclusion, my opinion is attending university and college gives us good career preparation and increasing our little knowledge. Not all everyone has opinion like me but I think many of them would support my reasons.

 

 

I feel my grammar and ideas in this essay is so complex and not clear:shy:?. Please show me your remarks. :D

 

 

 

[vertical_horizon]

Hi all,

 

Before reading this, you all should know that not all of my comments and corrections are 100% good and correct, cuz I'm a student, too. I just wanna show my own grammar that I've learned, and certainly it's not perfect.

 

Only my thoughts...

 

 

Originally posted by tombraider

 

Hi all friends who will read my essay. I really need your comments. I have many problems in grammar and ideas. Please repair them for me, a new student. :D

 

#1: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

Today, getting into university is one of the important goals of high school students in my country and maybe in the world. People attend college or university for many different reasons. I myself will go to university next year so I think I (could) understand what others want to have when they study in colleges and universities. 1.In my opinion, most of these reasons are career preparation and increasing knowledge.

 

I think the first reason we attend university or college is career preparation because we students need a professional occupation to create our own life, earn money for life and help the society developing. The major function of university and college are is training professionals ones (I can't think of a better noun :D) so university and college are good places that can help us reaching our approach. After graduating a university/college, we will receive good transcripts, which help us find a good job and indicate that we are professionals in our studying field. In fact, we (can) see that people who study have good well career in university/college have more advantages in applying for a job than others who do not.

 

Another reason is that, attending university/college gives us much useful knowledge. All of us know that knowledge in the world is large like ocean. We could never have all the knowledge of mankind so studying to update what we feel appropriate is so important. And university/college will give us a part of it in one field. More details, university/college with professors and its high education will teach us how to obtain information fast and sufficiently. We also gain this knowledge out of school but in university/college we will study more systematically and easily.

 

2.In conclusion, my opinion is that attending university and college gives us good career preparation and increasing our little knowledge. Not all everyone has an opinion like me mine but I think many of them would will support my reasons.

 

 

I feel my grammar and ideas in this essay is so complex and not clear:shy:?. Please show me your remarks. :D

 

 

Hi Tomb,

 

This one is much better. Your 3rd para contains few mistakes but the conclusion has many.

 

Some more problems:

 

+)sentence 1:

 

1.In my opinion, most of these reasons are career preparation and increasing knowledge.

 

-->This means these 2 reasons are most of the reasons-->there're only 3 reasons (2/3=67%='most of' :D:D:D)

Maybe you should change it into:

 

In my opinion, the most important of these reasons are career preparation and increasing knowledge.

 

+)sentence 2:

 

2.In conclusion, my opinion is that attending university and college gives us good career preparation and increasing our little knowledge

 

I extremely dislike the word 'little'. No students likes others to criticize them as having little knowledge. You should omit it. It's much safer.

 

Get all 300!

 

verhor

[Erin]

TOPIC #001:

 

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

ESSAY:

 

In my opinion, people attend educational institutions mainly to gain knowledge and to prepare themselves to secure a career of their choice. They also attend college or universities, so that they can get a chance to interact with other people in the society and thus gain a lot more in terms of experience and understanding of the human nature and society.

 

For most people, the main objective behind attending a college or university is to gain knowledge. Knowledge can be gained in many ways, but attending an educational institution enusures that a systematic and correct approach is followed and a relevant subset of topics is selected for study from the infinite pool of knowledge sources. While the same subjects as those taught in universities can be studied by refering to books and other sources, there are many inherent added advantages of attending an institution. Firstly, the students have the advantage of being guided by their lecturers and professors as to which sources to follow, and even clarify any doubts that may arise. Listening to the lectures and seminars helps the students to quickly understand a topic and the insights and examples provided by the lecturers may broaden their visions, provide deeper insights into things and may also prompt them to think in a better way about various things.

 

The facilities avilable in a college are an added advantage to the students. If one tries to study on his own, without attending a college, he may not be able to accesses all the book and other resources he needs. On the other hand, students of a university have access to resources like libraries, laboratories, internet facilities, etc. [ATTN Erin : Is 'etc.' look like a lazy shortcut here too?]. By the division of the entire study topics into various subjects and semesters, the students can follow a systematic approach approach towards improving their knowledge by concentrating on all the relevant subjects equally, studying manageable portions of subjects in a given period of time and consolidating their studies in the semester or annual examinations.

 

Another main objective of people behind attending educational institutions is to obtain the qualification necessary to secure a career of their choice. For example, people who wish to take up a career in electical engineering may study a corresponding engineering course. One interested in taking up careers in management may enter an MBA course. Inorder to obtain these jobs, people are needed to have certain qualifications which requires them to have undergone formal education in institutions.

 

Apart from the above, people benefit a lot from attending colleges and universites, in the form of interacion with other people in the society. Humans, afterall, are social beings and need to be a part of a community or group. By interacting with other students and lecturers, they gain a lot of understanding and appreciation of human nature, behaviour, acceptable behaviour and general knowledge. This experience is invaluable for any career they take up in future, because life involves interactions with various kinds of people. And for anybody to be successful in life, they need to know how to efficiently interact with other people.

 

The End

 

Time : 26 minutes

Mode : Typed on the computer.

 

 

Raghuveer

 

... --- ...

[Erin]

Hehehe... This is the easiest TOEFL topic of them all--people tend to practice this one since it's first, AND TOEFL already tells you three reasons!!

 

Okay, let's have a look-see.

 

TOPIC #001:

 

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

ESSAY:

 

In my opinion, people attend educational institutions mainly to gain knowledge and to prepare themselves to secure a career of their choice. They also attend college or universities, so that they can get a chance to interact with other people in the society and thus gain a lot more in terms of experience and understanding of the human nature and society.

Great! Simple, clear, effective, and best of all, TRUE.

 

How about changing

 

gain a lot more in terms of experience and understanding

 

to

 

gain more experience and understanding

For most people, the main objective behind attending a college or university is to gain knowledge. Knowledge can be gained in many ways, but attending an educational institution enusures that a systematic and correct approach is followed and a relevant subset of topics is selected for study from the infinite pool of knowledge sources. While the same subjects as those taught in universities can be studied by refering to books and other sources, there are many inherent added advantages of attending an institution. Firstly, the students have the advantage of being guided by their lecturers and professors as to which sources to follow, and even clarify any doubts that may arise. Listening to the lectures and seminars helps the students to quickly understand a topic and the insights and examples provided by the lecturers may broaden their visions, provide deeper insights into things and may also prompt them to think in a better way about various things.

Uh... What can I say? This essay is GMAT/GRE quality, more than necessary for the TOEFL.

The facilities avilable in a college are an added advantage to the students.

Uh-oh! This sounds to me like an extension of the previous paragraph--college is essentially a convenient and efficient way to acquire important knowledge.

 

At this point in your essay, you need to be switching to the other points that you mentioned in your intro, otherwise your essay becomes an essay about why college is a convenient and efficient way to acquire important knowledge.

If one tries to study on his own, without attending a college, he may not be able to accesses all the book and other resources he needs. On the other hand, students of a university have access to resources like libraries, laboratories, internet facilities, etc. [ATTN Erin : Is 'etc.' look like a lazy shortcut here too?].

Yes, Raghuveer.

 

My rule of thumb for when I want to use "etc." is to change it to "such as."

By the division of the entire study topics into various subjects and semesters, the students can follow a systematic approach approach towards improving their knowledge by concentrating on all the relevant subjects equally, studying manageable portions of subjects in a given period of time and consolidating their studies in the semester or annual examinations.

Yes, very nice, BUT you're going too deep into this one point.

 

Let's see the rest... There's still hope [:

D]...

Another main objective of people behind attending educational institutions is to obtain the qualification necessary to secure a career of their choice.

Remember to stick to the topic: Why people attend college. This idea is very closely related to your previous paragraphs since "obtaining qualifications" is almost the same thing as acquiring knowledge.

For example, people who wish to take up a career in electical engineering may study a corresponding engineering course. One interested in taking up careers in management may enter an MBA course. Inorder to obtain these jobs, people are needed to have certain qualifications which requires them to have undergone formal education in institutions.

 

Apart from the above, people benefit a lot from attending colleges and universites, in the form of interacion with other people in the society. Humans, afterall, are social beings and need to be a part of a community or group. By interacting with other students and lecturers, they gain a lot of understanding and appreciation of human nature, behaviour, acceptable behaviour and general knowledge. This experience is invaluable for any career they take up in future, because life involves interactions with various kinds of people. And for anybody to be successful in life, they need to know how to efficiently interact with other people.

Yes! You need more paragraphs like this one.

 

Raghuveer, you should take a look at your intro and then compare it to the rest of your essay. You developed quite heavily the part about attending college to gain knowledge, but you finished the other points with one paragraph, so your essay ends up looking unevenly developed.

The End

 

Time : 26 minutes

Mode : Typed on the computer.

 

 

Raghuveer

 

... --- ...

Good punctuation and formatting. That's nice to look at, and makes me as a scorer feel more comfortable and relaxed. I believe TOEFL would score this a 5.0 or a 5.5. Again, the main thing is that this essay is unevenly developed.

[diep]

#001: People attend college or university for many different reasons...

 

Although different people enter college due to different reasons, in my opinion, those factors can be divided into two groups. First, most people want to expand their own knowledge and experience to prepare for their future. Those students actively opt for a specialization that is suitable for and admired by them, and they afterwards try their most to obtain the best results while studying. Second, some people attend university compulsorily to the liking of their parents or another person. Their half-hearted attitude in studying at college means a waste of their own time, as well as a lavishment of their parents’ money.

At college, students are well informed with professional knowledge in a variety of academic fields, which brings them a solid background required for their future career. Experienced teachers help them gain commands of new concepts and skills of problem solving. It is undoubtful that those qualifications and skills are likely to be useful for their work after graduation.

Furthermore, attending university makes it possible for students to become familiar with an independent life from their family. They have to arrange their timetable themselves and do their homework self-consciously. Remembering the early days of my student life, I felt so green that I was confused again and again between theoretical and practical hours. The habit of planning a weekly timetable and then strictly following it, which I set up afterwards, has been maintained, and therefore, I am able to easily arrange my busy work today.

Finally, students at college are surrounded by a circle of schoolmates who might become their good friends not only in college-studying years but also in future. Furthermore, cooperating with the others who are quite strange, a student learns the way to deal with the community. This experience will help him cross the threshold of his own life. I, for example, have still gotten a close hold with a range of my classmates for years after graduation. We frequently exchange our experiences about the work, as well as the life in order to help each other overcome many hardships we have to face in our life.

In all, it is obvious that attending college brings students a great deal of useful knowledge and skills for their career and life in future. Hence, even though they go to college because of either their own aspiration or the other person’s wishes, they should do their best to obtain the highest results.

 

 

Hi all:) This essay took me a lot of time[xx(] Pls help me revise it. Thanks a lot.

 

[karthik3393]

Hi Erin........

 

I am jst pasting ths essay that i wrote Its the first one I attempted & I did time it. It would help a lot if all o uall cud chk it up & .... give me pointers on how i cud improve ....

 

******************************************************

 

People attend college or university for many different reasons. The main reason ofcourse is to gain more knowledge but they also gain valuable life experience and make new friends and contacts.

 

Man has always been hungry to learn more and know more about things that he does not know. This very trait of his has enabled him to progress from stone age to today's hi-fi technological age. Colleges are the best method to gain this knowledge in any field of your liking.

 

The main reason for going to college and getting a higher degree is that it allows us to focus our interest, thereby allowing us to specialize and excell in a field of our liking. It gives us a launch pad to propel ourselves in the market. We are better equipped to handle all the various aspects of one's job.

 

One more reason that many people go to colleges, is just to increase their knowledge in a particular field. Many come back to colleges to know more on a subject of their liking, for example - arts, language, math, etc.

 

By going to college, we also get the chance to meet new people, be they students or teachers or collegues. This helps us to develop our people skills, which would be a plus point all through our life. Often when we are in college, we have to do a part-time job. This too, gives us the much needed job experience and would help while looking out for a job later. Again this is a way to improve our personal skills.

 

All in all, colleges not only increase our knowledge and skills, but also help in making us better citizens of this world.

 

 

[Aladdin]

hi to all. Here is my essay. Any comments? 10ks.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Colleges and universities help people to get new knowledge. People attend them for many different reasons. I think there are three major ones.

 

For one thing, people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn what to do, how to do and how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, I would go to university, learn what to teach, what the teaching methods are and what is important to get a job as a teacher.

 

For another thing, people want to know how to do the job they already have, more efficiently and more effectively. They learn modern tools or update their working skills. For example, an engineer would probably study a new technology, accountant new software.

 

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They study languages, get knowledge on their hobbies, develop their aptitudes and improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.

 

For the reasons discussed, people attend colleges and universities to get knowledge to get a new or the first job, to upgrade themselves professionally and to make their lives interesting. In my personal opinion, colleges and universities play a very important role in human society.

 

[nu_nam2001]

welcome to TMweb.[heartbeat]

 

Colleges and universities help people to get new knowledge. People attend them for many different reasons. I think there are three major ones.

 

For one thing, (I do not sure if the words "for one thing and for another thing" are formally used but I have never seen them before. Is it better to use such simple words as first, moreover, etc..) people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn what to do, how to do and how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, I would go to university, learn what to teach, what the teaching methods are and what is important to get a job as a teacher.

 

(Actually, in my personal opinion, I do not agree with your idea. Do you mean only people who want to be a teacher would go to school? How about others who what to do other jobs? Do not they need to study in universities?)

 

 

For another thing, people want to know how to do the job they already have, more efficiently and more effectively. They learn modern tools or update their working skills. For example, an engineer would probably study a new technology, accountant new software.

(Again, I also do not agree with what your 2nd paragraph said.)

 

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They study languages, get knowledge on their hobbies, develop their aptitudes and improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.

(This paragraph is okey.):)

 

For the reasons discussed, people attend colleges and universities to get knowledge to get a new or the first job, to upgrade themselves professionally and to make their lives interesting. In my personal opinion, colleges and universities play a very important role in human society.

(Your conclusion is also good.)[|)]

 

Your gramatical structure is good.:D

what I wrote is only my personal idea. I am probably not correct.

[kalaga]

Originally posted by Aladdin

 

hi to all. Here is my essay. Any comments? 10ks.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Colleges and universities help people to get new knowledge. People attend them for many different reasons. I think there are three major ones.

 

For one thing, people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn what to do, how to do and how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, I would go to university, learn what to teach, what the teaching methods are and what is important to get a job as a teacher.

 

For another thing, people want to know how to do the job they already have, more efficiently and more effectively. They learn modern tools or update their working skills. For example, an engineer would probably study a new technology, accountant new software.

 

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They study languages, get knowledge on their hobbies, develop their aptitudes and improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.

 

For the reasons discussed, people attend colleges and universities to get knowledge to get a new or the first job, to upgrade themselves professionally and to make their lives interesting. In my personal opinion, colleges and universities play a very important role in human society.

 

 

Aladdin, these are my comments.

 

First: The essay topic has a question in it, did you notice ?

Second: The very first sentence has some of the answers to the question.

 

These are the areas to improve:

 

1. you essay seems to be a "collection" of your opinions, on why people attend educational institutions. For example,

 

For one thing, people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn (1)what to do,(2) how to do and (3)how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, (1)I would go to university, (2)learn what to teach, (3)what the teaching methods are and (4)what is important to get a job as a teacher.

 

Again,

 

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They (1)study languages, (2)get knowledge on their hobbies, (3)develop their aptitudes and (4)improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.

 

You started your first paragraph like:

Colleges and universities help people to get new knowledge. People attend them for many different reasons. I think there are three major ones.

 

So I expect you to discuss three major points, right?

But I find that , you started your second paragraph like this:

 

 

For one thing, people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn what to do, how to do and how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, I would go to university, learn what to teach, what the teaching methods are and what is important to get a job as a teacher.

 

and you third paragraph like this:

 

For another thing, people want to know how to do the job they already have, more efficiently and more effectively. They learn modern tools or update their working skills. For example, an engineer would probably study a new technology, accountant new software.

 

These two phrases are used when you have two points to discuss.

"This is one , and that is another ".But I found one more paragraph.

 

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They study languages, get knowledge on their hobbies, develop their aptitudes and improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.

 

you DID present three reasons, but then the phrases "For one ...For another" , don't offer you the flexibility to introduce a third, or may be a fourth point.

 

Take a look at the closing sentence.

In my personal opinion, colleges and universities play a very important role in human society.

 

Can your closing sentence be an answer to this question(in red)?

 

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

While writing an essay, the problems usually encountered is either the author finds himself indulging in highly verbose style (using too many words than is required) or highly compact style (using too few words than is required)

 

By being more verbose and creative in forming sentences, your essay will be really good, because you have identified various reasons (which is half the problem solved), apart from those given in the question itself.

 

Colleges and universities help people to get new knowledge. People attend them for many different reasons. I think there are three major ones.

 

For one thing, people want to learn to get a new, very often the very first, job. They learn what to do, how to do and how to find a job. For instance, if I wanted to be a teacher, I would go to university, learn what to teach, what the teaching methods are and what is important to get a job as a teacher.

 

For another thing, people want to know how to do the job they already have, more efficiently and more effectively. They learn modern tools or update their working skills. For example, an engineer would probably study a new technology, accountant new software.

 

Finally, people go to school to make their life interesting, make new friends. They study languages, get knowledge on their hobbies, develop their aptitudes and improve themselves. If someone has a pet, he will probably take a pet care course.

 

For the reasons discussed, people attend colleges and universities to get knowledge to get a new or the first job, to upgrade themselves professionally and to make their lives interesting. (I guess you repeated the reasons here)In my personal opinion, colleges and universities play a very important role in human society.

 

 

All you have to do now is to join these points in a beautiful sentence, and also, maintain the structure and flow of the essay.Explore the various possibilities of constructing a sentence.Let the sentences be long.

 

STUDY the stucture of the essay: how it starts?...how it ends?Don't jumble the points incoherently.

 

para1 : what should it be ? ( did you notice the question ?)

para2 ...para 3 ... and so on.

 

Essay is not about how many points you can squeeze out, but how you present them, after you have squeezed them out.(And yes, maintaining good grammer and punctuation is equally important.)

 

Aladin, why don't you try this essay again.!!!

 

[Aladdin]

Hi to all,

 

Thank nu nam 2001

 

>(I do not sure if the words "for one thing and for another thing" are formally used but I have never seen them before. Is it better to use such simple words as first, moreover, etc..)

I just tried to use something new. :)

 

>(Actually, in my personal opinion, I do not agree with your idea. Do you mean only people who want to be a teacher would go to school? How about others who what to do other jobs? Do not they need to study in universities?)

 

Of course, they do! That was the point. It was just an example. I could have used another one. Apparently, you do not like teachers, do you?:D What about police officer?

 

>(Again, I also do not agree with what your 2nd paragraph said.)

 

You can agree or dissagree, but you cannot say it is a lie. Maybe you know the actual reasons? Can you tell me, please?;)

 

>(This paragraph is okey.)

(Your conclusion is also good.)

Your gramatical structure is good

 

Appreciate this.:D

 

>what I wrote is only my personal idea. I am probably not correct.

 

Of course, it is!! I asked for comments, I thank you for your time.:)

[Aladdin]

Thank you, kalaga, for your comments.

 

>First: The essay topic has a question in it, did you notice ?

 

I did, but what is your point?

 

>Second: The very first sentence has some of the answers to the question.

 

I would say too broad answer, and I tried to develop it further. Probably, I would better rewrite it.

 

>1. you essay seems to be a "collection" of your opinions, on why people attend educational institutions. For example,

 

Of course, everything I wrote is my personal opinion, or "collection of them, if you like. Dont you write your personal opinion? Or maybe you know the answer?:)

 

Everyting you marked was my exlanations of my statements in the first sentences in each paragraph:

 

 

>So I expect you to discuss three major points, right?

 

So, you want me to ,actualy, count all my points?

 

>These two phrases are used when you have two points to discuss.

"This is one , and that is another ".But I found one more paragraph.

 

I do not think it is a big crime to add another or more points. Do you? I am not trying to be sarcastic, I would really like to know if there are such restrictions in using these phrases.

 

>you DID present three reasons, but then the phrases "For one ...For another" , don't offer you the flexibility to introduce a third, or may be a fourth point.

 

Again, I appreciate anybody else to comment this.

 

>Take a look at the closing sentence.

 

quote:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In my personal opinion, colleges and universities play a very important role in human society.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

>Can your closing sentence be an answer to the question

 

Did not I explain above in wich way they do? (help people get a job, make life interesting)

 

>While writing an essay, the problems usually encountered is either the author finds himself indulging in highly verbose style (using too many words than is required) or highly compact style (using too few words than is required)

 

By being more verbose and creative in forming sentences, your essay will be really good, because you have identified various reasons (which is half the problem solved), apart from those given in the question itself.

 

That is why I posted my essay on tis web site. I am learning how to do all that. :) Do you think it is too easy? Not for me, obviously.:D

 

>All you have to do now is to join these points in a beautiful sentence, and also, maintain the structure and flow of the essay.Explore the various possibilities of constructing a sentence.Let the sentences be long.

 

STUDY the stucture of the essay: how it starts?...how it ends?Don't jumble the points incoherently.

 

para1 : what should it be ? ( did you notice the question ?)

para2 ...para 3 ... and so on.

 

I would say all the above is a collection of NOT YOUR opinions.:p

 

>Essay is not about how many points you can squeeze out, but how you present them, after you have squeezed them out.

 

So, you prefer less point in longer sentences?

 

>(And yes, maintaining good grammer and punctuation is equally important.)

 

Any mistakes in my essay?

 

>Aladin, why don't you try this essay again.!!!

 

I surely will!!!!!!!:cool:

 

Thank you for your time.

 

[tatayarko]

In our days receiving of high education is very important for many of us. But reasons, which made us to receive it are different for different people. Some people do it to improve their social status, because the attitude to educated person is better than to non-educated. Some consider student live to be the best one because of the parties. For me the most important thing in making decision of attending college or university is the preparation for future carrier.

 

First of all university or college give you a diploma. The diploma now is the necessary requirement of getting the job. Just open any advertising newspaper: HR Specialist is needed – Diploma in HR is required, Computer specialist is needed – Diploma in Computer Science is required. Without diploma even an adept would have very small chance to get a job. I have looked for a job twice and in both cases my diploma helps me a lot. And from my experience I could conclude that diploma today is essential condition of getting qualified job.

 

The second one is that college and university help people to get deeper knowledge in chosen field. Of course diploma is very important aspect of getting a job, but if got somehow a job without proper knowledge you would kicked off in shot period. Of course man can study himself, but in my opinion the student teacher ” system of education is more productive than self studying. You always have your teacher to ask the questions and discuss problems.

 

If person is good at some field, if he is interested in it and decided to connect all his life with it, he usually choose to attend university, because the university (or college) gives him great opportunities. It gives knowledge in interested field and gives him diploma that everyone knows that he has that knowledge. It would help him to get a good job and make his dream became to be true

 

[vvaann]

Hi Tartayarko, I'm gonna work on your essay:)

I make my words blue and yours read so as to keep track of them easier.

Originally posted by tatayarko

 

In our days receiving of higher education is very important for many of us. But reasons, which made us to receive it are different for different people(1). Some people do it to improve their social status,(a comma is redundant here) because the attitude to an educated person is better than that to a non-educated one. Some consider student live to be the best one because of the parties(since the word "party" has several meanings, you should explain this word more;actually I can not figure out what you mean by parties here) . For me the most important thing in making decision of attending college or university is the preparation for future carrier(career).

 

First of all university or college give you a diploma. The diploma now is the a necessary requirement of getting the a job. Just open any advertising newspaper: HR Specialist is needed – Diploma in HR is required, Computer specialist is needed – Diploma in Computer Science is required(2). Without a diploma even an adept would have very small chance to get a job. I have looked for a job twice and in both cases my diploma helps(helped) me a lot. And from my experience I could conclude that diploma today is essential condition of getting qualified job.(3)

 

The second one is that college and university help people to get deeper knowledge in a chosen field. Of course diploma is a very important aspect of getting a job, but if got somehow a job without proper knowledge you would kicked off in shot period(4). Of course man/woman can study himself/herself, but in my opinion the student teacher ” system of education is more productive than self studying(5). You always have your teacher to ask the questions and discuss problems.

 

If a person is good at some fields, if he is interested in it and decided to connect all his life with it, he would usually choose to attend university,(a comma is redundant) because the university (or college) gives him great opportunities. It gives knowledge in interested field and gives him diploma that everyone knows that he has that knowledge(6). It would help him to get a good job and make his dream became to be true

 

 

Tartayarko, you have problems of using articles and singular/plural forms but don not worry!those are minor mistakes.

I have found 5 points we need to improve, i think, in your essay. Here they are:

1.

But reasons, which made us to receive it are different for different people

Try not to use "but" at the beginning of a sentence. That usage is controversial and you'd better avoid. Moreover, "but" is inappropriate here since it does not introduce an idea contrasting with the one mentioned before. You may rephrase this sentence in many possible ways. For example, just like this: "There are many reasons for that point and they vary from person to person".

2.

Just open any advertising newspaper: HR Specialist is needed – Diploma in HR is required, Computer specialist is needed – Diploma in Computer Science is required.

This is an incomplete sentence; this style is used speaking and you should not write it in formal essays.

3.

And from my experience I could conclude that diploma today is essential condition of getting qualified job.

Do not begin a sentence with "and" too. I'm offering you a new version for this sentence: "My experience suggests that diplomas, at the present time, play a key role in the process of applying for a job."

4.

..., but if got somehow a job without proper knowledge you would kicked off in shot period

I do not quite understand what you mean by this sentence. "kick off" means "to start", right? moreover, "got somehow" means what?

For me, you should rewrite this one. ok?

5.

Of course man can study himself, but in my opinion the student teacher ” system of education is more productive than self studying

First, try to use more neutral words which do not discriminate between men and women when saying about people in general, espcially in formal writings. Be familiar with these phrases: "his/her", "(s)he", "himself/herself", etc.

Second, this sentence is somewhat irrelevant. In the third paragraph, you're supposed to write about why universities give students deeper knowdege as stated in your first sentence of this para. However, you seem to focus on the difference between in-class study and self-study.

6.

... that everyone knows that he has that knowledge

This seems awkward. Why don't you write something simple like this: "It brings about knowledge of interested fields and grants students qualifications of having successfully gained the knowledge"

[lada]

Hi everybody!

Please comment my essay.

Thank you in advance!

#1

I believe that everyone has specific reason attending university or college. Ones view high school education, first of all, as a place for receiving new knowledge and professional skills in hand picked occupation. Others view university as beginning of independent life or as a step in career development.

 

I graduated Russian State Medical University in 1998. It was an excellent time. I attended university because of my mother example. I was fan in medical occupation. Thus, professional skills and knowledge were on the first plan for me. Most of students had the same reason. We had ability to ask experienced teacher about details of medical profession. They shared experience with students. We became good doctors only at the expense of comprehensive leading of our teachers. they taught us to be patient and hardworking students, reach decisions fast in critical situations. I am extremely appreciative to all my teachers.

 

During education I had lived with my parents, while a lot of my classmates had lived in dormitory. Sometimes I was jealous of their adult life. they could make decisions by themselves. In dormitory students learn to live in community, communicate with other people/ I was disappointed when it was necessary to learn something important and nobody could control or help you. I dreamed about " real students life" in dormitory and friends with common interests.

 

In time of attending we were too young to understand that university would be the first step in careeer development.

All in all we graduated our university. And in real life we understood the drastic law of survival: the higher education the better employment. the medical occupation is one of the brightest examples. Raising the level of professional skills is the necessary condition for survival in cases of severe competition. only professional erudition and high qualification can gain the patient confidence. Thus, it is the best way to receive a favorite job.

 

To conclude, attending university has different reasons, such as taking professional skills and knowledge, career development/ beginning adult life.

 

[boogieman]

Hi guys,

I guess this is the mother of all favourites for writing an essay in TOEFL.So i have to join in too and write an essay on it.Any suggestions ,comments, how is the essay? :D :D :D

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I remember an incident from the days I attended university,just a few days into my first year few of my classmates were discussing on why they had decided to attend university, in a bid to make friends I joined in the discussion. Soon there were many reasons flying, some said it would give them a better advantage in the job market, some wanted to attend college for new experiences, to make new friends, some had an intellectual incilination and wanted to gain knowledge and a selected few took time off from work to take time off and decide the career they wanted to pursue.

 

After participating in such an interesting discussion that evening I decided to put down my thoughts in my diary in hope that sometime in future it might be useful. I can recall all that I had put down in my diary today. The first reason and easily the widely accepted reason why people attend university or college is to improve their career prospects. In today's competitive world, where businesses demand candidates have a good education, a college or university degree improves the chances of securing a good job. After all it is economics which dominates the decisions of most people nowadays. For example most businesses in my country, send a team of recruiters to colleges and universities around the country offering successful students well paying jobs.

 

Another reason some students attend college is to gain knowledge. In present times we see that there are numerous branches in science,arts and business studies which require a structured and regular period of study to gain proficiency in the subjects. For example when a student is interested in studying particle physics or engineering, a university would be a good place where knowledge can be dispensed in a structured way. Besides most scientific research institutions or positions requiring technical knowledge, recognise only a college or university student has met the requisite standards to be able to work or research with them.

Knowledge can be gained by reading books, but in the real world

recoginition that a person has achieved a particular standard is recognised only when a student gains knowledge from a university.

 

Lastly, there are people who attend university to make new friends, have new experiences. In my country India, students in colleges and universities come from diverse social and cultural backgrounds. Students travel far from their states of residence and stay near their universities and colleges, there are people from every social status rich and poor, what this does to the imagination of people who are sociable is that they see this as an ideal ground to meet new people and have new experiences and education though maybe important, it is incidental to them.

 

In conclusion, the prospect of a good job, a thirst for knowledge and lastly a desire for new experiences and making new friends are the reasons for most people to attend a college or university.

 

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[dance] [dance] [dance] [dance] [dance] [dance] [dance] [dance]

 

[boogieman]

I know i made some mistakes ,here is the correction

"Besides most scientific research institutions or positions requiring technical knowledge, recognise that only a college or university student has met the requisite standards to be able to work or conduct research with them. Knowledge can be gained by reading books, but in the real world recognition that a person has achieved a particular standard is recognised only when a student gains knowledge from a university"

 

What word could I use to replace the "recognition & recognise" in the above sentence. I cant seem to find an appropiate word(s) to replace them

[kcllu]

Hi, everybody. Here is my first practising essay on TOEFL essay #1. Would someone be kind enough to give me any suggestions and comments? [heartbeat]

================

Many different reasons bring people to class for higher education. Among these reasons, I think three are most dominant: career preparation, knowledge building and experiences increasing .

 

Mainly and firstly, many people enter college or university for knowledge and information for their future careers. Career preparation is one main task of higher education. When we apply for the admission of a college, we should choose our major studying direction. At the consideration, the student¡¯s determination affects the courses he or she will take for the coming learning process. After this process, the education system builds up a qualified person ready for social need in his or her major area.

 

Even the image of the future career one can devote himself or herself in has not formed at his or her college entrance time, one can enter there for the sake of increased knowledge. After all, in the competing society nowadays, higher education means more opportunities. Thus, the second reason for people to take higher education is retrieving knowledge, the most valuable fortune man can make from the earth. ¡°Knowledge is power¡±, Francis Bacon told us the doctrine. Modern science and technology¡¯s development and the great changes it takes into our everyday life have proven Bacon¡¯s words again and again. So we enter the knowledge¡¯s great gate after for the power.

 

The last but not the least reason is new experiences. Man¡¯s whole life is full of experiences, whether ups or downs. The more experiences we get, the more complete life we would live and the more meaningful our lives would become, I think. The colorful and enthusiastic college life would give us different experiences. Them help to build our wisdom and personality. And some experiences can even give our future life good directions.

 

In the end, whatever the motivations take you into the college school, cherish you current time and make best of yourself. Your life will be bright and sunny, then.

==================

[sneogi]

:)

Hi Please go through my essay.I'm waiting for your comments

Thankx

 

 

People attend college or university for various causes. A good college or university is one that provides a strong platform for students to ameliorate their knowledge, opportunity to shape up his/her career and also frame a good personality by proper grooming.

 

First of all, a college or a university is the abode of endless ocean of knowledge. People enter into college or university to pursuit their urge of gaining knowledge. The professors of college or university provide help to meet up the needs of students. If a student wants to ameliorate and increase his knowledge in a desired area on any subject they can avail plenty of help from the concerned teachers. Under their supervision students get to channelize their thoughts in appositive and articulate manner. Moreover the plethora

of books that are available in a college or university facilitate the process of accumulation of knowledge.

 

Secondly, if a student wants to gain knowledge to frame up a promising career then the college or a university is the best place to meet up his needs. Teachers and professors of the college or university guide them through the processes of selecting proper programs and courses that will facilitate him in building up a career for a bright and prosperous future. The exposure that an individual gets in a college or university assists him/her greatly in achieving his/her goal with great ease.

 

Thirdly, a college or university is a place where students from different parts of the world come to pursuit their own interests. Thus intermingling of diverse culture occurs. This is of immense help for a student of art or culture to know about the subject in person from his/her comate. For students of Geography, History and even Biological sciences people get the opportunity to get an example of the areas they study. Again with variety of people having multifarious thoughts discussions yields better results.

 

Finally, after years of guidance from teachers and parents when a individual enters a college or university then he/she has to confront miscellaneous problems and toe solve them independently. As the process continues he/ she gets matured day by day and becomes ready to handle any situation that pose a problem in his /her future life.

 

To end up, according to me, to lead a contended life, to fulfill dreams people should attend college or university to douse into the ocean of cognizance.

 

[vvaann]

Hi sneogi, I intended to make some comments on your whole essay; however, it seems to have many mistakes and I am going to work only with the first para, leaving the remaining for next time.

Originally posted by sneogi

 

:)

Hi Please go through my essay.I'm waiting for your comments

Thankx

 

 

People attend college or university for various causes. A good college or university is one that provides a strong platform for students to ameliorate their knowledge, an opportunity to shape up his/her career and also frame a good personality by proper grooming.

 

First of all, a college or a university is the abode of endless ocean of knowledge. People enter into college or university to pursuit their urge of gaining knowledge. The professors of college or university provide help to meet up the needs of students. If a student wants to ameliorate and increase his knowledge in a desired area on any subject they can avail plenty of help from the concerned teachers. Under their supervision students get to channelize their thoughts in appositive and articulate manner. Moreover the plethora

of books that are available in a college or university facilitate the process of accumulation of knowledge.

 

-ameliorate(v): thi word means to make smt already bad better. You inappropriately used this word, assuming that students' knowledge is bad.

-shape up (v): this is an intransitive verb;i.e. you cannot say "to shape up smt" but "smt shape up".

-his/her: why did you change from "their" to "his/her"?

-grooming: "groom" is a transitive verb and it must have an object.

-pursuit (n): this a noun while you need the verb form "pursue".

-urge of gaining: "urge" is often used with this structure "urge to do smt"

-avail (v): as a verb, "avail" is old-fashioned. Moreover I do not understand what you mean by "avail plenty of help"; it is incorrect in grammar and is vague in meaning.

-concerned teachers: what do ya mean??

-get to channelize: what do ya mean??

-appositve: what do ya mean??

 

Let's talk about your noticeable weakness that is word choice. You use many complicated words but they do not successfully convey the meanings you want to express. I guess you picked up these words from a bilingual dictionary. You know, that is never a good way to learn vocab since it (b. dictionary) gives you only the meaning, not the usage.

Okay, that's enough for this time.

HTH!!

[lovely_side_of_life]

Hi :)

You may lough about my mistakes, but please, please correct them.

 

ESSAY:

Nowadays the number of people who attend college or university is continually growing. The reasons for which people choose to continue their studies by going to a college or university are various: desire for new experiences, increased knowledge, career preparation, a better and well paid job.

 

There are people who are attracted by the 'legend' of the college years and they want to attend college or university hoping that they will live the best years of their lives. In many cases, this is what really happens, the time spent during this period being the time when most of the people grow up, realize what they want to do with their lives, decide the next step they will make and not ultimately learn good life lessons from their own mistakes. The experiences they have during the college years build in most of the cases the foundations of their own developing and help to draw down their own guiding life principles.

 

However, there are many people who attend college undermined by their passion for some specific domain about which they learned in high school. This category of people is the future scientists who continually look for increased knowledge in order to discover new inventions of which all mankind will benefit.

 

On the other hand, as the human society develops very fast and the need for very competent specialists is bigger and bigger, many people decide to attend college or university in order to prepare themselves and learn very well a profession. A college/university is the starting point in their career and the information and knowledge they acquire during these years will benefit them throughout their future jobs. The better specialist they will become, the more firms will asks for them, and consequently the more money they will earn.

 

To conclude, people who go to college or university have many different reasons for which they do it. Some of them look for new experiences which will help them grow up, others are mostly interested in the scientific knowledge they will acquire and others want to prepare themselves in order to have a great career and a good job.

 

[cocobella76]

Hi everyone, sorry for being absent a long time but I am coming back now.

 

I have finished my essay for 30 minutes. I know that it is not good but I post here to wait for your helps. thank you.

 

Topic1: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

Going to college or university is a dream of almost all people. Each person has different reason for his or her decision but I think that most people go to college or university mainly because of three factors: to improve their knowledge, to have new experience and to prepare their future career.

 

To increase knowledge is a strong motivation to push people going to colleges. People’s nature is to explore the world around them. The desire of understanding about it encourages people move upward in the world of human knowledge. In college or university environment, they will have chance to contact with broadly studying information sources and leading professors.

 

To study in university or college will give them new experience that is very important for them in future life. Leaving far from family, people have to learn how to control themselves, how to overcome the daily difficulty and how to plan their schedules in studying and in living. They also meet different people and learn new things from their classmates and vice versa. To be more independent in life and to know how to communicate with others are the valuable lessons that may help them be success in life.

 

People go to colleges or university also because their career preparation. The world’s economy is changing and requires more skillful people. College or university is an ideal environment where they can be guided and trained for the career that the world will demand.

 

The more we learn the better we are. As universities or college can help people improve their knowledge, give them new experience and prepare future careers, nobody doubts that there are more and more people go to universities or colleges as well as the number of universities is increasing to satisfy the need of people.

 

 

 

[veronica1dse]

Hi friends, this is is my first time, please be nice with me. I need get a high score in writing, please try to help me wity my essay, about

COLLEGE

College is a part of academic formation in people life. Students from different countries must decide if they will going to college or they will start to work.

Percentajes of college students in a country is not the same. In developed countries as USA most of student prefer working instead of studying to enter a college.

In the other hand, in undeveloped countries most of students prefer studying to try to enter a college.

 

For instances, in my country for those students whose dream is enter to medical school they have two options. On of them is apply to private university and the another one is apply to national one. Among national universities the top one is "San Marcos". The competence to get into is as twenty-to-one ratio. "San Marcos" is located in Lima department, the capital of Peru, and students from another departments usually move to Lima in order to apply to that university.

Getting into "San Marcos" can take one or two years, and even more. There are only one day in a year to apply for that university. These day all applicants must be in ther exam-locations on time and wait in a line to enter for an exam. Waiting period can be as large as two hours and you can see nervous faces, anxious, relaxed and happy faces too.

 

But, getting into "San Marcos" University is not as difficult as getting into "Cayetano Heredia" private university. In this one, there are not as many students as for " San Marcos" University, but rigor is hardest. Sometimes first year medical school positions are not been filled by applicants. In both instances, you must study hard for entering and then keeping in them.

 

As for medical carrier, getting into engineer, education, lawyer, can be difficult, and could demand you all your time.

[nu_nam2001]

veronica1dse; Welcome to TM...:D

I hate to say this but I think your essay is off-topic.

 

#1: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

In this topic, you should give reasons why people need to attend college, not only tell about college in your town.

[ccll11]

#001: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

In the development of the society,more and more people attend the university or college,there are many reasons for them to do that,for example,new experience,career preparation,inceased knowledge,and so on.I assort the different reasons as the following.

 

Firstly,people want to attend the university because they can study the new knowledge,such as the science,the art,and so on.These kinds of the knowledge is often difficult to learn when they are not in the university campus.on the other hand,there are many teachers who is very proficient in their major and the ways of the studying,so that the student who attend their classes can study not only the knowledge itself but also the ways of the studying,and the latter is more important than the knowledge .

 

Secondly,the student can make many friends in their college lifes.That is very important to their future developments.For example,the U.S. president George W.Bush attended the Yale University in his youth,he made many friends at that time,his effort was not in vain,when he raced for the presidency,his former friends played an important role,not only in the media but also in accumulating the money for him.

 

So,according to the above,the university is very important for our children.After the college life,they will be more adaptive to the society,and they will acquire the enough capacity of not only the knowledge to prepare their future career ,but also the human relationship which will help them greatly too .

[iuli]

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

Please.. Rate this essay...

 

Indeed, reasons like new experiences, career preparation and increased knowledge are extremely relevant when it comes to justify why people should attend university. Personally, I consider that many of us decide to follow university classes because we need to prepare ourselves the best way we can, in order to be capable to face the challenges in our future professional life, and certainly to meet new people with different backgrounds that will help improve our social skills also.

 

The university is the best place to improve your knowledge and to gain proficiency in whatever science field you chose. I chose to attend university, because, I consider that it offers us the possibility to better organize the entire study material, by beneficing over well-trained teachers that can guide us in selecting the proper books for study, in order to excel professionally. The university also provides access to interesting and sometimes rare, study material, deposited in big libraries, and practice in laboratories, whatever we learn in theory.

 

We all need to socialize, is something in human nature that makes us this way. Attending university is a good starting point in order to achieve social maturity. I met my best friend when attending university and I have been acquainted with people that now are constantly interfering and helping me in my career. Because of the experience gained in the university, I understand better the human psychological profile and this is helping me to easily interact with people on daily basis.

 

What better way to improve your knowledge, gain professional proficiency and social maturity than by attending university? Whenever I have the chance to influence a high school graduate in order to attend university, I do it, because this has been an extremely important step in my life and my career, and I think it could be for everybody.