I'm not sure whether you've already taken your exam or not yet, anyway hope that you don't mind my comments.
I've read your essay and I have the following comments. The words that should be omitted are in pink and those should be added are in red.
Studying abroad is a big chance for a student like me. Almost all my friends have studied abroad for many years.They tell me a lot of stories about life, things…etc from different cultures. I also want to discover the new culture and have time to live on my own but I will miss my family a lot.
First, living in a new culture is an amazing experience.I never live (I have never lived) in a foreign country. So, studying abroad also means that I have to be familiar with culture, people, things where I go to study.It's may be a hard experience at the begining (beginning), but with time I will adapt to this situation and enjoy life.Studying in different country is opprtunity an opportunity to have more knowlegde (knowledge).
Second, studying abroad is also a chance for me to live independently.I will do anythingeverything by myself because I don't have my mother helps (to help) me more.For instance, I have to cook, wash my cloth, take care for my heath (health), and.And especially, I will make my own decisions. I don't have many chances to ask my father advices because he isn't there with me and the long phone call is very expensive.
Third, I will miss my family and friends a lot. I have a lots of sad or fun memories with my family and my friends. All they have meaning to me. They nourish my soul. I will be very sad because I will not enjoy good food, tea or argue with them about finance crisis, etc anymore.
However, the good thing is I will just go away for 2 years and will come back later.
In conclusion, studying abroad is a great experience to me. I will grow up in my action and have more knowledge, but I will miss my family so much. However, I can go home to visit them when I have a break.
In general, your essay is good; however, you should work on your grammar. I also prefer if you divide your essay into more coherent organization by mentioning that there are advantages and disadvantages for studying abroad. So, you can say that first, the advantages are…… and then you mention the disadvantages which are……
Another thing, please when you send an essay, try to send the original full topic of the essay in order to be sure that your essay isn't off point.