#086: If you could go back to some time and place

**tombraider** · 09-08-2002, 01:24 AM

Hi! Last week, I was so busy and today I post my new essay for you to read and remark it. Thanks for your help.

#86: If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

In this competitive world, sometimes you wish to make time stop and go back the past. I am a graduate and having job in a big company, so I wish I could go back my childhood when life was pink and full of happiness.

I have many reasons to explain my choice. First, I wish to come back my childhood to remember my happy and impartial time. After many competition in school, university and now, society I realize that childhood is the most beautiful time and place. I want to forget all stressfulness, competition and response in life. To do that, we need a place that has no noise, no boss, no business, no salary and so on. And only childhood give us peaceful, it reminds us your games with friends, our parents' sacrifice to give us the best things, our funny and impartial dreams about future job such as: sometimes i wanted to be a rock star, famous actress, doctor, teacher... It is worthwhile to have chance to remember the most beautiful time in whole life.

Another reason is that, I want to fix my faults in the past. It is common knowledge that most of us made some bad things in childhood and this chance help us fix them. I have never forgot one story in my childhood. When I was a six-year-old girl, my family was quite poor. Once time I saw a beautiful but expensive doll of my friend. I liked it and hope I would have one but my mother had no money to buy it. She said sorry while I cried loudly and said that:" I hate mom." You can imagine that my suddenly sentence made my mother really sad and she felt she couldn't give me everything I need. I really regret about this until now. If I could turn back time I would fix my biggest fault in my childhood and say that:" I love mom".

Going back time is an unreal dream but we have rights to imagine and wish. If I can stop the time and fly through time, I would go back my childhood to have peaceful time, to fix some faults those make my love ones sad.

**synthia** · 09-08-2002, 03:39 AM

Hi,

Nice essay. But, Some Grammatical errors.The short incident in really heart-rending.Just try to correct the grammar mistakes. otherwise thy essay has good ideas like fixing faults etc..

**Erin** · 09-08-2002, 05:04 AM

Originally posted by tombraider

#086: If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

In this competitive world, sometimes you wish to make time stop and go back the past. I am a graduate and having job in a big company, so I wish I could go back my childhood when life was pink and full of happiness.

I have many reasons to explain my choice. First, I wish to come back my childhood to remember my happy and impartial time. After many competition in school, university and now, society I realize that childhood is the most beautiful time and place. I want to forget all stressfulness, competition and response in life. To do that, we need a place that has no noise, no boss, no business, no salary and so on. And only childhood give us peaceful, it reminds us your games with friends, our parents' sacrifice to give us the best things, our funny and impartial dreams about future job such as: sometimes i wanted to be a rock star, famous actress, doctor, teacher... It is worthwhile to have chance to remember the most beautiful time in whole life.

Another reason is that, I want to fix my faults in the past. It is common knowledge that most of us made some bad things in childhood and this chance help us fix them. I have never forgot one story in my childhood. When I was a six-year-old girl, my family was quite poor. Once time I saw a beautiful but expensive doll of my friend. I liked it and hope I would have one but my mother had no money to buy it. She said sorry while I cried loudly and said that:" I hate mom." You can imagine that my suddenly sentence made my mother really sad and she felt she couldn't give me everything I need. I really regret about this until now. If I could turn back time I would fix my biggest fault in my childhood and say that:" I love mom".

Going back time is an unreal dream but we have rights to imagine and wish. If I can stop the time and fly through time, I would go back my childhood to have peaceful time, to fix some faults those make my love ones sad.

Score: 5.0/6.0

Wow! That's a beautiful essay. Your ideas are simply wonderful, especially that last example. As Synthia pointed out, however, your essay does have some serious grammar mistakes (I've highlighted a few of them in the beginning in red). Without these errors, because of the strength of your ideas, you'd likely get a 6.0.

**tombraider** · 09-08-2002, 05:25 AM

Hi Erin and Synthia!
I really thank for your remarks. I have many errors in grammar; it is my weak point. I am trying to fix it. Now I am studying grammar in Complete Guide to the CBT TOEFL Test of Heinle & Heinle'S. I think this book is good for me. It is so wonderful when you said that my essay was nice and gave it 5.0/6.0. I am really happy.
Thanks again and again about your help.

**tombraider** · 09-08-2002, 06:15 AM

This is my essay after fixing some serious errors.

#86: If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

In this competitive world, sometimes you wish to make time stop and go back to the past. I am a graduate and working for a big company, so I wish I could go back to my childhood when life was pink and full of happiness.

I have many reasons to explain my choice. First, I wish to go back to my childhood to remember my happy and careless time. After many competitions in school, university and now, society I realize that childhood is the most beautiful time and place. I want to forget all stress, competition and responsibility in life. To do that, we need a place that has no noise, no boss, no business, no salary and so on. And only childhood gives us peace, it reminds us our games with friends, our parents' sacrifice to give us the best things, our funny and impartial dreams about jobs in future such as: sometimes I wanted to be a rock star, famous actress, doctor, teacher... It is worthwhile to have a chance to travel back to the most beautiful time in whole life.

Another reason is that I want to fix my faults in the past. It is common knowledge that most of us made some bad things in childhood and this chance helps us fix them. I have never forgot one story in my childhood. When I was a six-year-old girl, my family was quite poor. Once I saw a beautiful but expensive doll of my friend. I liked it and hoped I would have one but my mother had no money to buy it. She said sorry while I cried loudly:" I hate mom." You can imagine that my sudden sentence made my mother really sad and feel she couldn't give me everything I need. I really regret about this until now. If I could turn back time I would fix that biggest fault in my childhood and say:" I love mom".

Going back in time is an unreal dream but we have rights to imagine and wish. If I can stop the time and fly through it, I would go back my childhood to enjoy again that peaceful time, to fix some faults that made my loved ones sad.

**gulliver** · 06-15-2004, 05:36 AM

Hi all,

Pls rate and comment on my essay.

Thanks and Regards,
gulliver
__________________________________________________ _________

If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

1.35

It would be a great opportunity for one to go back and live in the past that one has known from books or other sources. Given an opportunity, I would like to go back to New Delhi on India's first Indepennce day. It would be a great occassion to see the spirit of people live and enjoy the happiness of millions on that great day.

First, many people had laid their lives and left their careers for the liberation of India from the clutches of Great Britain. On the first day of India's liberation, the dream of many freedom fighters was realized. The spirit of these freedom fighters was quite remarkable in the history of world, since it is the first independence fought without any spill of blood.

Second, many leaders like Gandhi and Nehru inspired millions of Indians to achieve their ultimate dream of Independence. They not only inspired Indians at that time, but the very occasion of India's independence sowed seeds of freedom in many countries. The principles and path of non-violence which these great leaders followed was a guide to other independence seeking countries to fought against imperialism of the English. I feel, it is a grear occasion for every Indian to see or hear them live on India's first Indepence day. To become part of them is truly a wonderful occasion in one's life.

Third, India's independence was followed by a blood bath of millions in the name of religion. Going back to past will give an opportunity to perform one's duty as an Indian in stopping the violence. I feel, at least I would have saved one life from the clutches of rioting mobs.

To conclude, I feel an opportunity to going back and living in the past is an great opportunity one could dream of. I would like to utilize this opportunity to going back and living in New Delhi on India's first Indepence day to see the spirit of millions of Indians and share their joy. At the same time, this would give me a great opportunity in saving the lives from violence which erupted due to partition of country.

2.05 (357 words)
_____________________________________________