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Hi guys! What do you think of my essay?


Cune

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First, i have to say that while I just discovered this forum, I'm already very impressed by it's content and supportive members! You're doing a great job! Keep on rocking.

 

I hope someone could rate my essay or at least give some comments, because I don't have a slightest idea about how high it might be scored by ETS. Here it goes; the topic is from the Barron's book - Would you prefer to work less or earn lots of money (not exactly, but you get the idea).

 

Each individual has his own views on life, wealth and comfort. Some consider creating wealth a very important task in their lives. It's not unusual for them to spend most (if not all) of their time trying to earn as much money as possible. On the other hand, probably a larger (pro)portion of people tends to prefer having a lot of free time, thus choosing to work and earn less. This kind of people values their leisure much higher then the first kind.

 

It should be noted, however, that this view might be considered stereotypical. It's not a good idea to strictly divide all people in two precisely defined groups, since we are all different. We usually perceive sharp dressed business people as a lifeless, boring creed, whose only purpose in life is to seek more and more profits, in a never-ending race. It's thought that they just can't relax and enjoy their time on the Earth, while second group, which prefers leisure to working, really knows how to take their time and appreciate the beauty of this world. While this can be true about some of them, I think that this view is rather biased.

 

It can be the case that some people from the second group are actually trapped in an occupation which they just can't find themselves in. It is often said that someone has "chosen the wrong career", which can make his working time unsatisfying, unpleasant and sometimes even miserable. It is very probable that they would not have such a negative view on work if they had chosen to do something that is more interesting and engaging for them. On the other side, there are also people who are so happy with their work, that they would keep on with it even if they were not compensated. These people are the luckiest, especially if they are paid well.

 

As for me, It would be the most fulfilling if I ended up doing something that I really like. If such a job would provide a stable financial situation or even an opportunity to gain wealth - that would be even better. If not, I would still choose the job I enjoy more, rather than the one that provides more money.

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  • 1 month later...

it has been written good but i feel that nowadays people work not only for money but to gain recognition and have a successful career.nowadays everyone wants to be achieve much.you should elaborate now why you choose which of the options?

Better luck...but it has been a good attempt..

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I really like your writing style.

 

1. You are not using banal templates like "Opinion-Reasons-Conclusion", but rather develop it in a way of contradictions, showing that direct answer to this questions doesn't exist.

2. You are using variety of ways for sentence construction.

3. Your usage of metaphors ("never-ending race") and sound expressions ("boring creed") is commendable.

 

Besides it, I think that in content the essay is not exactly to the point. While it has been asked "Would you prefer to... or to...", you're explicitly answering this questions only in the last paragraph, aren't you?

 

Anyway, in my opinion, the way you write is of advanced level and you can expect the score in 25-30 range.

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